Lessons I Learned at General Conference April 2016

I just wanted to share some of my favorite quotes from this last General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that was held at the beginning of this month. You can find the full text of all the different talks that were given at https://www.lds.org/general-conference?cid=HP14GC&lang=eng. I’ve grouped the quotes into four different general messages or lessons that I got from the Conference that were important to me personally.

Lesson #1: My Role as a Mother

Cheryl A. Esplin (“He Asks Us to Be His Hands”)

• “Unless we lose ourselves in service to others, there is little purpose to our own lives” (President Monson).

• “Don’t think of your task as a burden; think of it as an opportunity to learn what love really is” (Lola B. Walters).

Neill F. Marriott (“What Shall We Do?”)

• “We build the kingdom when we nurture others.”

• “Love is making space in your life for someone else” (including children)

• “Becoming a builder of the kingdom require[s] selfless sacrifice.”

• “All of us need a spiritual and physical place of belonging. We…can create this [place of belonging for others].”

M. Russell Ballard (“Family Councils”)

• “Children desperately need parents willing to listen to them.”

• “A family council that is patterned after the councils in heaven, filled with Christlike love, and guided by the Lord’s Spirit will help us to protect our family…from the evils of the world.”

Dieter F. Uchtdorf (“In Praise of Those Who Save”)

• D&C 64:33: “Be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.”

• “Whatever problems your family is facing, whatever you must do to solve them, the beginning and the end of the solution is charity, the pure love of Christ.”

D. Todd Christofferson (“Fathers”)

• “The perfect, divine expression of fatherhood is our Heavenly Father….His work and glory are the development, happiness, and eternal life of His children.”

• “Perhaps the most essential of a father’s [or mother’s] work is to turn the hearts of his children to their Heavenly Father. If by his example as well as his words a father can demonstrate what fidelity to God looks like in day-to-day living, that father will have given his children the key to peace in this life and eternal life in the world to come.”

• “A father [or mother] who reads scripture to and with his children acquaints them with the voice of the Lord.”

• D&C 68:25, 28: “And again, inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents. …And they shall also teach their children to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord.”

• Psalms 78:5-7: “For he established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children: That the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should [then] arise and declare them to their children: That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments.”

• “When a father [or mother] provides correction, his motivation must be love and his guide the Holy Spirit.”

• “Discipline in the divine pattern is not so much about punishing as it is about helping a loved one along the path of self-mastery.”

• Mosiah 4:14-15: “Ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another. …But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another.”

• “Let us lay aside the exaggerated notions of individualism and autonomy in today’s culture and think first of the happiness and well-being of others.”

• “Despite our inadequacies, our Heavenly Father will magnify us and cause our simple efforts to bear fruit.”

Lesson #2: How to Draw Closer to the Lord and Seek His Help and Support in Trying Times

Henry B. Eyring (“Where Two or Three Are Gathered”)

• D&C 88:63: “Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.”

Dale G. Renlund (“That I Might Draw All Men Unto Me”)

• “The greater the distance between the giver and the receiver, the more the receiver develops a sense of entitlement” (Wilford W. Andersen).

• “Our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, are the ultimate Givers. The more we distance ourselves from Them, the more entitled we feel. We begin to think that we deserve grace and are owed blessings. We are more prone to look around, identify inequities, and feel aggrieved—even offended—by the unfairness we perceive…when we are distant from God, even small inequities loom large.”

• “The closer we are to Jesus Christ in the thoughts and intents of our hearts, the more we appreciate His innocent suffering, the more grateful we are for grace and forgiveness, and the more we want to repent and become like Him.”

• “The best way I know of to draw closer to God is to prepare conscientiously and partake worthily of the sacrament each week.”

• “The sacrament truly helps us know our Savior. It also reminds us of His innocent suffering. If life were truly fair, you and I would never be resurrected; you and I would never be able to stand clean before God.”

• “Through God’s compassion, kindness, and love, we will all receive more than we deserve, more than we can ever earn, and more than we can ever hope for.”

Ronald A. Rasband (“Standing with the Leaders of the Church”)

• D&C 68:6: “Be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you.”

• “I have needed the Savior and the rescue of His hand so many times….I have felt confident at times leaping over the side of the boat…into unfamiliar places, only to realize I could not do it alone.”

David A. Bednar (“Always Retain a Remission of Your Sins”)

• “Being born again, comes by the Spirit of God through ordinances” (Joseph Smith).

• “Holy ordinances are central in the Savior’s gospel and in the process of coming unto Him and seeking spiritual rebirth. Ordinances are sacred acts that have spiritual purpose, eternal significance, and are related to God’s laws and statutes.”

• “The ordinances of salvation and exaltation administered in the Lord’s restored Church are far more than rituals or symbolic performances. Rather, they constitute authorized channels through which the blessings and powers of heaven can flow into our individual lives.”

• D&C 84:19-21: “And this greater priesthood administereth the gospel and holdeth the key of the mysteries of the kingdom, even the key of the knowledge of God. Therefore, in the ordinances thereof, the power of godliness is manifest. And without the ordinances thereof, and the authority of the priesthood, the power of godliness is not manifest unto men in the flesh.”

• 3 Nephi 27:20: “Now this is the commandment: Repent, all ye ends of the earth, and come unto me and be baptized in my name, that ye may be sanctified by the reception of the Holy Ghost, that ye may stand spotless before me at the last day.”

• D&C 59:9: “And that thou mayest more fully keep thyself unspotted from the world, thou shalt go to the house of prayer and offer up thy sacraments upon my holy day.”

• Moroni 4:3: “O God, the Eternal Father, we ask thee in the name of thy Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this bread to the souls of all those who partake of it; that they may eat in remembrance of the body of thy Son, and witness unto thee, O God, the Eternal Father, that they are willing to take upon them the name of thy Son, and always remember him, and keep his commandments which he hath given them, that they may always have his Spirit to be with them. Amen.”

W. Christopher Waddell (“A Pattern for Peace”)

• “Peace of mind, peace of conscience, and peace of heart are not determined by our ability to avoid trials, sorrow, or heartache.”

• “In our search for peace amidst the daily challenges of life, we’ve been given a simple pattern to keep our thoughts focused on the Savior, who said: ‘Learn of me, and listen to my words; walk in the meekness of my Spirit, and you shall have peace in me’ (D&C 19:23).”

• Isaiah 2:3: “Come ye, and let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the God of Jacob; and he will teach us of his ways.”

• “A key difference between those who were ashamed, fell away, and were lost and those who did not heed the mocking from the building and stood with the prophet is found in two phrases: first, ‘after they had tasted,’ and second, ‘those that were partaking’ (1 Nephi 8:26-28, 33).”

Dieter F. Uchtdorf (“He Will Place You on His Shoulders and Carry You Home”)

• “Obedience is the lifeblood of faith. It is by obedience that we gather light into our souls.”

• “God sees us as we truly are--and He sees us worthy of rescue.”

Jeffrey R. Holland (“Tomorrow the Lord Will Do Wonders Among You”)

• “The Lord blesses those who want to improve, who accept the need for commandments and try to keep them, who cherish Christlike virtues and strive to the best of their ability to acquire them. If you stumble in that pursuit, so does everyone; the Savior is there to help you keep going.”

• D&C 11:8: “Verily, verily, I say unto you, even as you desire of me so it shall be done unto you; and, if you desire, you shall be the means of doing much good in this generation.”

• “My brothers and sisters, the first great commandment of all eternity is to love God with all of our heart, might, mind, and strength—that’s the first great commandment. But the first great truth of all eternity is that God loves us with all of His heart, might, mind, and strength. That love is the foundation stone of eternity, and it should be the foundation stone of our daily life. Indeed it is only with that reassurance burning in our soul that we can have the confidence to keep trying to improve, keep seeking forgiveness for our sins, and keep extending that grace to our neighbor.”

• “No matter how serious the trial, how deep the distress, how great the affliction, [God] will never desert us. He never has, and He never will” (George Q. Cannon).

• Isaiah 40:28-31: Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Lesson #3: How to Keep My Marriage and Other Relationships Strong

Kevin R. Duncan (“The Healing Ointment of Forgiveness”)

• “An unforgiving heart harbors so much needless pain.”

• D&C 82:23: “Leave judgment alone with me, for it is mine and I will repay. Peace be with you; my blessings continue with you.”

• “God sees people not only as they currently are but also as they may become.”

Dieter F. Uchtdorf (“In Praise of Those Who Save”)

• “Strong marriage and family relationships…require constant, intentional work.”

• “Great marriages are built brick by brick, day after day, over a lifetime.”

• “Those who save marriages pull out the weeds and water the flowers.”

• “Whatever problems your family is facing, whatever you must do to solve them, the beginning and the end of the solution is charity, the pure love of Christ.”

• “The great enemy of charity is pride.”

• “Pride assumes evil intent where there is none.”

• “Even when you are not at fault—perhaps especially when you are not at fault—let love conquer pride.”

Lesson #4: General Words of Wisdom

Donald L. Hallstrom (“I Am a Child of God”)

• “You can have what you want, or you can have something better” (Jeffrey R. Holland).

Dieter F. Uchtdorf (“In Praise of Those Who Save”)

• “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be” (Abraham Lincoln)

The Issue of Gender Identity

In my last post I discussed how the biology of men and women corresponds with the primary responsibilities God has given each gender in the family unit. We know through revelation from God to modern prophets and apostles that “Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.” 

Our society is currently very preoccupied with the issue of gender identity, trying to divorce a person's gender from the biological reality of being born with male body parts or female body parts. There are many facets to this argument, and I don't pretend to be acquainted with them all, nor do I intend to address them all, or even the majority of them, in this post. With the beliefs that I hold (that all people were created by God and that our identity as a son or daughter of God, male or female, existed before this life and will continue to exist after this life), the question that makes sense to me in this whole gender identity discussion is, what if you are not happy with your eternal gender identity and the primary responsibilities associated with it? What if you would rather protect and provide, but you are stuck with the job of creating bodies for and nurturing children instead because your eternal gender identity is female, for example?

When I first posed this question to myself, it seemed like a valid concern someone could have. As I thought about it some more, however, I realized that this is a very self-focused concern. When you turn your focus outward towards others, you realize what a blessing it is to have the ability to help and serve others in whatever ways are available to you. Having the ability to create a physical body for one of your spirit brothers or sisters and nourish that body is a blessing and a privilege--a beautiful opportunity to do something for someone else that they cannot do for themselves, a gift of immeasurable value you can give someone. 

When we are full of charity and our focus is on others, we put all of our physical abilities and other unique gifts and talents to use serving others, and in doing so we experience a fulness of joy as we become more like our heavenly parents. When you are seeing the world through the kind of selfless, eternal perspective God has, it is less important what your talents and abilities are and more important how you are using those talents and abilities to serve others. That is what is really important. And members of both genders are blessed with unique abilities and strengths that allow them to be of great service to their fellow beings and give them the opportunity to participate in God’s incredible work of salvation in important and unique ways. The more we embrace our identity as a son or daughter of God and seek to use and increase our unique  gifts and talents in the service of God and His children, the more fulfillment and joy we will find in our lives now and in eternity.

The Roles of Men and Women

Maybe it's because I just went through a pregnancy and am currently nursing a newborn, but the different roles of men and women are starting to make some basic biological sense to me. Regardless of whether men are generally stronger than women or whether women are generally more nurturing than men--both rather disputable generalizations--there are some basic, indisputable biological facts that make it pretty obvious why God assigned men the primary responsibility of protecting and providing for the family and women the primary responsibility of nurturing and caring for the children. 

First of all, if you're going to have a full-time protector and provider, it would make sense for that person to be the member of the family that does not frequently go through physical changes that render them less able to protect and provide. However physically/mentally/emotionally able you normally are at fulfilling these roles, your ability to do so, at least physically, can greatly diminish during pregnancy, particularly if you experience a lot of morning sickness and/or have a physically demanding job. The fact that biologically women are forced to do the brunt of the work of bringing a child into the world makes it seem appropriate that their husbands carry the greater responsibility of providing for the family and protecting their wife and children, especially at times when they are in more vulnerable physical states.

Secondly, once the child is here, it is the woman's body that produces the necessary means of nourishment for that child, so it makes the most biological sense for the woman to be the one who has the primary responsibility of caring for the child. Not that the man should not share the load of childcare to the extent that he is able, but as all nursing mothers know, no matter how willing the father is to help, there is a lot of baby care he simply cannot biologically provide, namely the hours of nursing that infants require.

Our modern society has found lots of ways to circumvent these biological facts that have helped define the roles of men and women throughout history (formula, breast pumps, grocery stores, jobs that require more brain power and less physical labor, etc.), but it is only these modern conveniences that have helped disconnect people from the biological realities that make the wisdom of the differences in the primary roles of men and women in the functioning of the family unit more obvious. 

Of course, there has been plenty of suppression of women throughout history that had nothing to do with biological realities, such as their right to vote, to own land, to get an education, to dress how they choose, to pursue whatever career field they would like to at times in their life when working does make sense or is necessary for them, to choose whom to marry, to choose to get out of harmful or unfulfilling relationships, etc. I'm not suggesting that all the traditional ways women have been treated are biologically justified or anything of the sort, or even that women should be forced to fulfill roles that their biological makeup seems to lend itself to. Obviously, everyone should have the choice of how they would like to live their own lives. All I’m saying is that the idea that in the family unit the man is more biologically suited to protect and provide for the family as his primary responsibility while the woman is more biologically suited to nurture and care for the children makes a lot of sense to me and that you don't have to be an anti-feminist jerk to suggest that perhaps that is the way God planned families to function under ideal circumstances. Yes, those are my thoughts.

Easter Sunday Gratitude

I know today is Easter, not Thanksgiving, but I am full of gratitude this Easter Sunday for all of the amazing blessings my Heavenly Father has given me. I am grateful for a wonderful husband and for our two beautiful children. I am grateful that my husband has a good job that he enjoys and that I am able to stay home and care for my children full-time. I am grateful for all the ways I have seen God's hand guiding our lives and our decisions for the future recently. And I am incredibly grateful for the atonement of Jesus Christ and for the power it gives me to repent and to become a better person each and every day. I know that with the help of the Savior I am able to accomplish more than I ever could on my own, and I'm so grateful for the love, comfort, strength and courage He gives me. I testify that He lives and that His selfless sacrifice puts salvation and eternal joy and peace within the grasp of every single one of God's children that chooses to follow Him and apply His atonement in their lives. I thank my Heavenly Father this day for the beautiful gift of His Son that makes miracles possible for all of us. Happy Easter!

The Lord's Perspective

I recently started studying the Book of Mormon from the beginning again, and I just finished the part where Lehi and Nephi each had their vision of the Tree of Life, and I’ve been pondering on the very different ways that Nephi and Laman and Lemuel responded to the words of their father Lehi, the prophet, about the vision he had. 

When Nephi hears his father's account of his vision, his reaction is to immediately go to the Lord in prayer and ask to receive his own personal witness of the things that his father saw and shared. As a result, he received his own vision of the Tree of Life and an explanation of the meaning of the different things which Lehi saw in his vision and gained his own personal testimony and understanding of the prophet Lehi’s words. 

Laman and Lemuel, on the other hand, upon hearing the words of their father, the prophet, did not go to the Lord in prayer for understanding and their own personal witness of the truth of his words, but instead began “disputing one with another concerning the things [their] father had spoken unto them” (1 Nephi 15:2).

Nephi explains that Lehi “truly spake many great things unto them, which were hard to be understood, save a man should inquire of the Lord…” (1 Nephi 15:3)

This is often true of the words of the Lord and His servants. As Jesus explain to Pilate in John 18:36, “My kingdom is not of this world,” and as He says in the Old Testament in Isaiah 55:8-9, “my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

The Lord sees everything from an eternal perspective, while we see things from a finite, mortal, worldly perspective. It makes sense that in order to understand the words of the Lord, we must turn to Him and get help from the Holy Ghost to see and understand things from His greater eternal perspective.

When Nephi approaches his brothers and asks what they are disputing about, and they explain the words their father spoke that they did not understand, the very first thing Nephi says in response to their questions is, “Have ye inquired of the Lord?” (1 Nephi 15:8)

Laman and Lemuel’s response is, “We have not; for the Lord maketh no such thing known unto us” (1 Nephi 15:9).

Nephi reminds his brothers of the promise of the Lord: “If ye will not harden your hearts, and ask me in faith, believing that ye shall receive, with diligence in keeping my commandments, surely these things shall be made known unto you” (1 Nephi 15:11).

Nephi is teaching his brothers that other weak, fallible mortals are not the people they should be going to for greater understanding of the words of the Lord or His prophets; they should be going to the Lord Himself, the source of all knowledge and truth.

There seems to be a growing trend in society that when our modern day prophet and apostles say something that “is hard to be understood,” like the words that Lehi spoke to his family after receiving revelation from the Lord, people’s first reaction is to jump on Facebook and dispute one with another about the words of the Brethren like Laman and Lemuel rather than turn to the Lord in prayer for personal confirmation and understanding like Nephi.

As Nephi explains to Laman and Lemuel, disputations with other people about the Lord’s or His servants’ words is not an effective way of arriving at truth. You must personally go to the Lord Himself and ask with a sincere heart and real intent, with faith that He will answer you and with a willing heart to act on the answer you receive, whatever it is.

I think one of the biggest things that I have noticed that trip people up in following the Lord and His servants is that they have a bigger testimony of certain social agendas that are important to them than they do of the Lord’s prophet and apostles and their calling as prophets, seers, and revelators. They are convinced that their social agenda is equally as important to the Lord as it is to them and that the Lord has the same opinions as they do about the best way to bring it about. Therefore, if the words or actions of the prophet and apostles do not seem to further the cause of their social agenda(s), they have a difficult time believing that those words or decisions could possibly have come from the Lord, who obviously wants social justice just as much as they do and has that as His top priority in everything He does.

I think there is a false belief here that is the cause of so much of the confusion and dissent among members of Christ’s Church. Is social justice important to God? Of course it is. Would God prefer that all His children treat one another with kindness, respect and love and see each other as equally important in His eyes? Of course He would. Is it good for us to strive for greater social justice in our society? Of course it is. However, even though God loves all of His children equally and believes in social justice, I do not think that social justice is His top priority. 

Think of Christ’s mortal ministry. The Jews were convinced that when the Messiah came His top priority would be the same as theirs: to free them from Roman rule. But that was not what Christ did when He came, which is why so many of the Jews had trouble recognizing Him. Christ’s top priority was not their social agenda of being freed from Roman rule. His top priority was something with much greater eternal significance than any social injustices His people were experiencing in mortality. His top priority was, and still is, the eternal salvation of God’s children, and that can be achieved whether or not God’s children experience social injustices during their time on earth. 

We have power to hurt one another during our time here in mortality, but our power to truly harm one another in any way that is eternally significant is actually incredibly limited. We can enslave each other, discriminate against others for one reason or another, do physical harm to one another, say hurtful words to each other, but we have no power over how others choose to respond to our treatment of them. We cannot stop them from continuing to make good choices about how they treat those around them, from finding peace by forgiving us for our harsh treatment of them, from turning to the Lord for love and healing that transcends any amount of harm we could possibly do to them, from choosing to keep commandments and follow the Lord’s will for them in their lives and gain eternal salvation. No matter what we do, other people and the choices that will affect their eternal salvation are out of our reach. We have the power to make others’ journey through mortality more or less pleasant, to help or hinder them on their path to eternal salvation, but ultimately we cannot stop them from turning to the Lord for the love, healing, knowledge and strength necessary to achieve their eternal goal and reach their divine potential, if that is their true desire.

Indeed, challenging circumstances in mortality are often what lead people to humble themselves and turn to the Lord for help when they have nowhere else to turn. When others are cruel to them or do not meet their needs, they learn to rely on the Lord’s love and strength instead of trying to rely on other imperfect people who will always end up letting them down in one way or another. By humbling ourselves and turning to the Lord in our distress and committing to follow His will for us, we are able to feel a peace that transcends the horror of even the very worst of mortal circumstances.

So, while it is good and right for us to treat others the way Christ would and for society to encourage and give everyone the opportunity to achieve their greatest potential during their mortal life, what is most important to the Lord is that His children achieve their greatest eternal potential, and that can only be accomplished if they know the truth of who God is and of the plan He has prepared for them to gain salvation. It is the primary responsibility of the Lord’s servants to teach these truths that are most important for the eternal progress of God’s children. 

When we do our best to act in accordance with God’s laws and use the power of the atonement in our lives, we can continue to learn and grow and progress on our path to eternal life, irrespective of how others are trying to oppress us or limit our potential in this world. We can find peace and joy and a testimony of our eternal and divine worth as we apply God’s teachings in our lives and grow closer to Him. No one has the power to take that away from us when we have a true understanding of who God is and who we are as His children and of the ordinances and other tools God has put in place to allow us to unlock the powers of heaven in our individual lives. 

Without sufficient knowledge of God, His eternal plan for us, and how to access His love and power in our lives, however, we are much more likely to allow the difficulties of this mortal life to lead us to despair rather than to learning and growth. That’s why God places knowledge of eternal truths and of His plan of salvation for His children as His top priority. Rather than trying to achieve a heaven-like existence for His children in mortality, He uses the inequalities and other challenges of mortal life to refine and teach His children the lessons they must learn to qualify for life with Him in heaven after this mortal existence. This refining process includes a lot of lessons on compassion, patience, and forgiveness towards those who treat us poorly in mortality as they also struggle to learn to become more like Christ, achieve their divine potential, and qualify for heaven. We can't control how other people treat us, but we can control how we respond, and that is the true test of mortality and of the people we are becoming as we learn to rely on the Lord and His great love and wisdom.

Back to the story of Nephi and his brothers in 1 Nephi chapter 15. After first teaching his brothers the importance of turning to the Lord when they have questions, Nephi proceeds to address some of his brothers’ confusion about the meaning of their father’s vision using the knowledge he gained from the Lord during his own vision. 

The question that Nephi gets the most passionate about when teaching his brothers is when they ask what the rod of iron that led to the Tree of Life represented. Nephi explains that the rod of iron in the vision “was the word of God; and whoso would hearken unto the word of God, and would hold fast unto it, they would never perish; neither could the temptations and the fiery darts of the adversary overpower them unto blindness, to lead them away to destruction” (1 Nephi 15:24). After Nephi explains this, he then begins to exhort his brethren “with all the energies of [his] soul, and with all the faculty which [he] possessed, that they would give heed to the word of God and remember to keep his commandments always in all things” (1 Nephi 15:25).

Nephi knows that it is by continually  hearkening to and applying the word of God in our lives that we will be protected from Satan and his temptations and lies that can blind us and lead us to destruction. That is why it is so important to study the word of God in the scriptures, listen to the words given to Christ’s current prophet and apostles to speak, and seek the Lord in prayer to understand these words and how He would like us to apply them in each of our individual lives. If we hold fast to God’s words and keep the commandments He has revealed to His prophets, both anciently and in our day, we will be supported in all the trials and suffering of this mortal life, feel God’s immense love for us and the peace and healing only He can give, and be brought safely home to live with Him again after this life. Eternal life is God’s most important goal for us, and it should be our top priority as well, and hearkening to and seeking to understand the words of God and His eternal plan and perspective are what will help us achieve this primary purpose of mortality. I share these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

How Can You Feel Grateful In All Things and At All Times?

I was reading over a talk I gave in church a little over a year ago, not too long after we moved to Heber, and I decided it would be a good thing to share on my blog. Here it is.

November 9, 2014
TOPIC: Gratitude in all things and at all times

The topic I was assigned for my talk today is "gratitude in all things and at all times." So, the question is, “How can we feel gratitude even when we are facing trials and difficult times in our lives? What is the source of this gratitude that transcends the suffering we sometimes experience here in mortality?

People often joke that they have read the first verse of the Book of Mormon, 1 Nephi 1:1, more times than any other verse in the Book of Mormon. If you start reading the Book of Mormon and that’s as far as you get, you’ve actually already learned quite a bit from the very wise prophet Nephi. Let’s take a look at that first verse: 

I, Nephi, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father; 

• Nephi had good parents who taught him well, which is very important, but this next part is the part I want to focus on:

and having seen many afflictions in the course of my days, nevertheless, having been highly favored of the Lord in all my days; 

• This sounds like a contradiction. How can you both have many afflictions and at the same time be highly favored of the Lord? We know Nephi did indeed experience many afflictions in his days. He had to leave his home in Jerusalem and all his possessions, travel in the wilderness for a long time where sometimes food was scarce, his older brothers hated him and tried to kill him multiple times. And yet, although Nephi acknowledges that he’s seen many afflictions in the course of his days, in the same breath he says that he has been highly favored of the Lord in all his days. It seems like Nephi has figured it out, how to be grateful even in hard times. Let's keep reading and see if he gives us any clues to this secret. Nephi goes on to say:

yea, having had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God,therefore I make a record of my proceedings in my days. 

• Nephi feels blessed and highly favored of the Lord because of his knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God
• We often think that there are certain things we need in order to feel happy and blessed in our lives: maybe we think we need a nice home, or to get into the college that we want, or to get a certain job that we want, or to get married, or for our kids to behave and make good choices, or for our health to improve
• Nephi is teaching us that it is knowledge of God and His goodness and of eternal truths that brings us peace and hope in the midst of affliction, that allows us to feel greatly blessed, no matter our circumstances. 

How can knowledge of God and His goodness help us in times of trial? 

President Uchtdorf tells us that "Being grateful in our circumstances is an act of faith in God. It requires that we trust God and hope for things we may not see but which are true." He says that "True gratitude is an expression of hope and testimony" (“Grateful in Any Circumstances, Ensign May 2014).

Trusting God is something that I've struggled with a lot in my life. Most recently, this last spring when Ted was getting ready to graduate from USU and was looking for a job, I struggled to trust God in the face of so much change and uncertainty in our future. We had been living in Logan for four years, and I had made a lot of friends and gotten quite comfortable with our life there. I was afraid of having to start over somewhere new where I didn't know anyone. I was pretty sure what I needed to be happy, to live close to people that I loved, and I was afraid that God wasn't going to let me. I didn't feel that I could be grateful unless He did, unless the outcome of Ted's job hunt looked the way I wanted it to look. My struggles with all the changes in my life finally pushed me to humble myself enough to realize that I needed to change the focus of my life. I needed to rely on God and His love to meet my needs, not on other people. When I stopped focusing so much on specific people in my life and my fear of losing them, I was able to see that God had been right there beside me the whole time, but I had been too distracted to notice because I was holding on so tightly to the things I thought I needed to be happy instead of relying on Him and trusting His greater wisdom and knowledge to guide my life. Once I was able to recognize my weakness in this area and work to change and make God and His will the center of my life and trust Him to take care of me, I was able to feel so much more peace.

We are here on earth to gain knowledge and experience and to become like God. For me, the true learning began when I recognized that the way I was going about trying to secure my own happiness was not working. I had a plan, and my plan was not giving me the results I wanted. Realizing that I actually didn't have any idea what I really needed to be happy, that my plan was actually causing me way more suffering than just following God's plan, humbled me enough that I was finally able to say, "Okay, God, you're right. You know best. I thought I knew what I needed to be happy, but I was wrong. I will do things your way. You know what I need to find joy and peace, and I don't. I am ready to accept your plan for my life and trust you to take care of me."

What is it that we actually need to find true joy and peace in our lives? If it isn’t other people or power or possessions, then what is the source of that joy and peace that is available to us even in hard times, when nothing in life seems to be going well? In his famous dream of the Tree of Life, the prophet Lehi finds himself in “a dark and dreary waste” (1 Nephi 8:7). After traveling many hours in darkness, Lehi prays to the Lord for help and relief. It is then that he sees what Lehi describes as “a tree, whose fruit was desirable to make one happy. And it came to pass,” Lehi says, “that I did go forth and partake of the fruit thereof; and I beheld that it was most sweet, above all that I ever before tasted...And as I partook of the fruit thereof it filled my soul with exceedingly great joy…” (1 Nephi 8:10-12). Later we learn that the fruit that Lehi ate represents “the love of God, which sheddeth itself abroad in the hearts of the children of men" and "is the most desirable above all things...and the most joyous to the soul" (1 Nephi 11:21-23). 

God's love - that is the true source of joy and peace. And the great thing is that God's love is something that we can have access to at anytime, no matter what or who else is in our lives. At the time that we make our very first covenant with God, at baptism, our Heavenly Father gives us a great gift, the gift of the Holy Ghost. We learn from Paul in his letter to the Galatians that the fruit of the Spirit includes love, joy and peace (Galatians 5:22). The Holy Ghost helps us feel God's love for us when we are living righteously. Paul also tells us in his letter to the Romans that nothing can separate us from the love of God, not tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword, nor death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature - nothing (Romans 8:35, 38-39). Paul says that "in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us" (Romans 8:37). Jesus Christ and His atonement have the power to heal all of our wounds and to purify us of all our sins and weaknesses. What a great blessing this is, and what a reason to be full of gratitude to a loving and merciful Heavenly Father who will not leave us alone in times of distress and who is willing to forgive us time and time again and has a wonderful plan to help us return to Him and gain eternal joy and peace in His loving presence. 

When we gain a true understanding and testimony of God and His goodness and mercy and love, we are able to trust Him, to know in hard times that He is there to help us and that by following His perfect plan a bright future awaits us, that all our sorrows will ultimately be swallowed up in the love of our Redeemer. We know that God will never give up on us or on our loved ones and that His greatest desire is to bring us all safely home to Him and that He will not rest until He has given us every opportunity to make that choice and achieve that glorious objective. 

At the last General Women’s Meeting, Sister Marriott, the second counselor in the YW presidency, shared an experience where during a struggle in her life she turned to the Lord and was able to have her testimony strengthened and her burden lightened as she came to a greater understanding of herself and of her relationship with the Lord. Sister Marriott recounted:

“Some years ago our family encountered a major challenge. I went to the temple and there prayed earnestly for help. I was given a moment of truth. I received a clear impression of my weaknesses, and I was shocked. In that spiritually instructive moment, I saw a prideful woman doing things her own way, not necessarily the Lord’s way, and privately taking credit for any so-called accomplishment. I knew I was looking at myself. I cried out in my heart to Heavenly Father and said, “I don’t want to be that woman, but how do I change?”

Through the pure spirit of revelation in the temple, I was taught of my utter need for a Redeemer. I turned immediately to the Savior Jesus Christ in my thoughts and felt my anguish melt away and a great hope spring up in my heart. He was my only hope, and I longed to cling only to Him. It was clear to me that a self-absorbed natural woman “is an enemy to God” and to people in her sphere of influence. In the temple that day I learned it was only through the Atonement of Jesus Christ that my prideful nature could change and that I would be enabled to do good. I felt His love keenly, and I knew He would teach me by the Spirit and change me if I gave my heart to Him, holding back nothing.”

Sister Marriott continued, “I still fight my weaknesses, but I trust in the divine help of the Atonement. This pure instruction came because I entered the holy temple, seeking relief and answers. I entered the temple burdened, and I left knowing I had an all-powerful and all-loving Savior. I was lighter and joyful because I had received His light and accepted His plan for me” (“Sharing Your Light,” Ensign November 2014).

Notice in this example that going to the temple did not make the major challenge in the life of Sister Marriott and her family go away. However, recognizing her weaknesses and calling upon Jesus Christ for help to change allowed Sister Marriott to feel God’s love for her and gain confidence in His ability and willingness to help her and her family achieve their divine potential and the eternal joy He desired for them.

When life seems hard and we feel that we are surrounded by darkness and despair, like Lehi in his dream, sometimes it can be really hard to find Christ’s light and God’s love in the darkness. How do we get out of dark emotional places to a place of gratitude?

When we are in dark places, Satan would love for us to stay there. He is the one that gives us feelings of discouragement and despair, tries to convince us that we are worthless and can never change or accomplish anything good and that our lives are terrible and will never get better. Those feelings do not come from the Spirit. You can tell because they do not motivate you to do good, they just paralyze you. The Spirit gives you feelings of hope and faith that you can change and improve with Christ's help and that God is taking care of you and life will get better. I’ve noticed that it's easier to feel the Spirit in my life when I am pushing forward, making goals, and working to make good things happen in my life and in the lives of others, rather than just sitting around contemplating the things in my life that make me sad or that I wish were different. Like Lehi, often we need to call on the Lord for help to find the light in the darkness. 

When I was struggling with all the changes in my life and trying to change my focus and gain a more eternal perspective on things, I prayed to know what my new focus should be in my life. What I had been focusing on hadn’t been working well for me, so I didn’t want to focus on that anymore, but I needed something to replace it with, something that was worthwhile and that I felt good about. I had just recently had my son Sam and quit working, and I needed to know what my life should be about besides nursing and changing diapers. I decided to read my patriarchal blessing with this question in mind: What should I be doing with my life right now? How should I be using my time? It was like God had just been waiting for me to ask that question. As I read my blessing, I received so much inspiration about what things God expected me to accomplish and work on at this time in my life. I received so many ideas about ways I could use my talents to help build God’s kingdom. It was amazing. And as I worked to implement these ideas, I felt God’s love more in my life and gratitude that I could use my strengths to help bless others’ lives in ways that worked well for me during this new stage in my life.

As I mentioned earlier, the main purpose of this life is to learn how to become like God. That's why we're here. No matter what is happening in our lives, if it is helping us to grow and to seek answers and truth and to change and to become better and stronger and to trust in the Lord more deeply and feel His love more strongly, then we are succeeding in obtaining the treasure we came to earth to find. Struggles help us to be humble and to recognize our need for a Savior and to seek to learn the lessons He is trying to teach us. Lots of times we want to say, "Oh, I'm good. I'm as good as I want to be, I've got all the blessings I need, I don't need to learn anything else.” God loves us too much to let us sell ourselves short though. He knows what experiences we need to become who we need to be to qualify for celestial glory, and He will not settle for any less joy than that for His children. He lets us go through hard things because He knows we need those experiences to be purified and molded and shaped into the best people we can be and to receive the greatest amount of joy in the next life and throughout eternity.

Gratitude comes when we recognize our great need for a Savior and come to know personally that He loves us in spite of all our weaknesses and mistakes and that He is willing to forgive us and bless us as we turn to Him and repent and try to change. His great patience with us as we continue to stumble and fall again and again as we try to become better and more like Him is what creates a spirit of gratitude in our hearts.

Adam and Eve felt this great gratitude in their hearts when, after partaking of the forbidden fruit and facing the consequences of their choice of being cast out of the Garden of Eden and out of God’s presence, they were told that their Heavenly Father had prepared a Savior for them who was willing to suffer for their sins and give His life so they could have the opportunity to return to God’s presence and feel His great love for them again. They were eager to make covenants with their Father and live their lives by those covenants for the opportunity to have that great blessing.

Ammon, the son of Mosiah, and the prophet Joseph Smith both have beautiful chapters where they praise God in joyful gratitude for His great mercy and longsuffering towards the children of men and His eagerness to forgive us and bless us and bring us home. 

In Alma 26, starting in verse 11, Ammon says: “...behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.” Jumping down to verse 14: “Yea, we have reason to praise him forever, for he is the Most High God, and has loosed our brethren from the chains of hell. Yea, they were encircled about with everlasting darkness and destruction; but behold, he has brought them into his everlasting light, yea, into everlasting salvation; and they are encircled about with the matchless bounty of his love; yea, and we have been instruments in his hands of doing this great and marvelous work. Therefore, let us glory, yea, we will glory in the Lord; yea, we will rejoice, for our joy is full; yea, we will praise our God forever. Behold, who can glory too much in the Lord? Yea, who can say too much of his great power, and of his mercy, and of his long-suffering towards the children of men? Behold, I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part which I feel. Who could have supposed that our God would have been so merciful as to have snatched us from our awful, sinful, and polluted state? Behold, we went forth even in wrath, with mighty threatenings to destroy his church. Oh then, why did he not consign us to an awful destruction, yea, why did he not let the sword of his justice fall upon us, and doom us to eternal despair?....Behold, he did not exercise his justice upon us, but in his great mercy hath brought us over that everlasting gulf of death and misery, even to the salvation of our souls….Now have we not reason to rejoice? Yea, I say unto you, there never were men that had so great reason to rejoice as we, since the world began; yea, and my joy is carried away, even unto boasting in my God; for he has all power, all wisdom, and all understanding; he comprehendeth all things, and he is a merciful Being, even unto salvation, to those who will repent and believe on his name. Now if this is boasting, even so will I boast; for this is my life and my light, my joy and my salvation, and my redemption from everlasting wo....Now my brethren, we see that God is mindful of every people, whatsoever land they may be in; yea, he numbereth his people, and his bowels of mercy are over all the earth. Now this is my joy, and my great thanksgiving; yea, and I will give thanks unto my God forever. Amen.”

What a beautiful tribute to an all-loving, all-powerful, all-merciful Heavenly Father. Joseph Smith also gives witness to the greatness of our God and His gospel and the great blessing we have to be children of God and to know His plan for us in D&C 128:19, 22-23:

“Now, what do we hear in the gospel which we have received? A voice of gladness! A voice of mercy from heaven; and a voice of truth out of the earth; glad tidings for the dead; a voice of gladness for the living and the dead; glad tidings of great joy. How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of those that bring glad tidings of good things, and that say unto Zion: Behold, thy God reigneth!....Let your hearts rejoice, and be exceedingly glad. Let the earth break forth into singing. Let the dead speak forth anthems of eternal praise to the King Immanuel, who hath ordained, before the world was, that which would enable us to redeem them out of their prison; for the prisoners shall go free. Let the mountains shout for joy, and all ye valleys cry aloud; and all ye seas and dry lands tell the wonders of your Eternal King! And ye rivers, and brooks, and rills, flow down with gladness. Let the woods and all the trees of the field praise the Lord; and ye solid rocks weep for joy! And let the sun, moon, and the morning stars sing together, and let all the sons of God shout for joy! And let the eternal creations declare his name forever and ever! And again I say, how glorious is the voice we hear from heaven, proclaiming in our ears, glory, and salvation, and honor, and immortality, and eternal life; kingdoms, principalities, and powers!”

God’s plan for His children is amazing, and we can be eternally grateful for His love and wisdom and mercy towards us and His great desire to make a glorious future possible for us. This is the difficult part of our journey towards Godhood, but the blessings we will receive as we press forward and endure to the end will be greater than we could ever imagine. Paul tells us in Romans 8:18 “that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”

I know that we have a Heavenly Father who knows and loves each of us dearly and knows what experiences we need to return to live with Him again and have an eternal peace and joy that will never be taken from us. I know that we have a Savior, Jesus Christ, who suffered for all our pain and sins so that we might repent and be forgiven and receive all the blessings God has to bestow on His precious children. I know that we are here on earth to learn, and that the experiences we have will help us become perfected as we turn to the Savior for help and comfort and allow the Spirit to teach us important eternal truths through our sorrows and struggles. I know that we can trust our Father to take care of us and our loved ones, to give us the strength and comfort we need to carry on, and to guide us home to His ever-loving presence. I know that all wrongs in this life can and will be made right through the Atonement and that all wounds will be healed. What a huge blessing this is. My heart is full of gratitude for my Heavenly Father and for my Savior, His Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ. I am grateful for their love and wisdom and mercy and their great patience with me and my weaknesses as I seek to learn and grow and become more like them. I am grateful that They never give up on me, no matter how many times I stumble or fall short. I know that they will take care of me and that they will take care of you. You can trust Them. Give your burdens to the Lord and let Him sustain you during the hard times. Pray for an eternal perspective, to feel joy and peace from the Spirit, and to gain your own testimony that “all things work together for good to them that love God” (Romans 8:28).

D&C 42:61

If thou shalt ask, thou shalt receive revelation upon revelation, knowledge upon knowledge, that thou mayest know the mysteries and peaceable things—that which bringeth joy, that which bringeth life eternal.

And you will always have reason to be grateful and to rejoice. I say these things, in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.

Their Power Is in Their Mouth

I was reading in the book of Revelation the other day, and these words in Revelation 9:17-19 struck me:

17 And thus I saw the horses in the vision, and them that sat on them...and out of their mouths issued fire and smoke and brimstone.

18 By these three was the third part of men killed, by the fire, and by the smoke, and by the brimstone, which issued out of their mouths.

19 For their power is in their mouth…

I don't pretend to understand all the symbolism that John uses in the book of Revelation, and I’m sure there are many possible interpretations of these verses, but the meaning that struck me when I read them this time was the power we each have to do good or evil, the Lord’s work or Satan’s work, through the words of our mouths.

This can apply to the words we speak to those we know and love, to the words we speak to acquaintances and strangers, and to the words we speak about others. Through the words of our mouths we have the power to build others up or to tear them down, to lead them to truth or away from it. 

We do a lot of communicating in our lives, especially in this age of social media where our words have the power to go a lot further than to just our immediate acquaintances, and I think sometimes it can be beneficial to take a step back and analyze the words of our mouths and if those words have greater power to bring about harm or good in the world, to serve God’s purposes or to thwart them.

Do our words reflect the charity, patience and forgiveness of the Savior? Do they reflect our knowledge of the infinite worth of each of our Heavenly Father’s children and their potential for greatness, or do we demonize some and promote others whose opinions more closely match ours? 

When we communicate about concerns or disagreements we have with the words or positions of others, do the words we use speak out against evil, or do they speak evil of good, but imperfect people and thwart the good they are working to accomplish by focusing all the attention on the weaknesses we see in them? Are we building people up with our words and celebrating their strengths and the good they are doing, or are we tearing them down and demonizing them for their weaknesses or differences of opinion? Are our words bringing people to Christ and the truths of His gospel or making it more difficult for them to find them? 

I think we would all do well to take a look at the words of our mouths and make sure that in all situations in our lives we are using their power for good and not evil.