There Is No Peace to the Wicked

During my scripture reading this week, I came across Isaiah 57:21, which says,

“There is no peace, saith my God, to the wicked.”

I would like to testify of the truthfulness of these words.

I think sometimes we use the terms “wicked” and “righteous” in an us versus them kind of way. We, the righteous followers of Christ, versus them, the wicked people of the world. I think that’s a very simplistic view. Every child of God on the earth does some things that are righteous and some things that are wicked. All disciples of Christ act in wickedness at least some of the time, and all people who don’t consider themselves followers of Christ act righteously in plenty of areas of their lives. It’s not as simple as righteous people versus wicked people—we are all a messy mix of both. And for all of us, our wickedness often comes not from a desire to do wickedness, but from good intentions that result in wickedness due to a lack of knowledge. Whether we realize we’re acting in wickedness or not, our acts of wickedness cannot bring peace, no matter how well-intentioned or justified we may feel those actions are.

For the purposes of our discussion today, we’re going to assume that the term “wicked” or “wickedness” simply means not in line with God and His love. I don’t want people getting hung up on the strong negative connotation of the word and using that to justify the small ways that they are not acting righteously. Thinking, what I do isn’t that bad compared to someone who murders people, for example. Such comparisons and trivializing of your own wicked acts is not going to serve you. Any level of wickedness, of not being in line with God and His love, is going to interfere with your peace. And I don’t know about you, but I’m always looking for more peace in my life.

I’ve noticed in my own life that when my peace is replaced by negative emotions such as fear or anxiety, it’s usually because I’m trying to control things that are outside of my control. And often what I’m trying to control is other people and their choices. That’s the wickedness that is stealing my peace. God gave all of His children agency—the ability to choose for themselves and to learn and grow through the act of making their own choices. When I try to control other people and their choices to make myself feel better, I am trying to implement Satan’s plan instead of God’s, and it doesn’t feel good. It hurts me, and it hurts my relationships with others. I’m operating from a place of fear and judgment instead of from a place of love and trust, and this is not God’s way. And it does not bring peace, no matter how well-intentioned my efforts to manipulate others into making the choices I want them to make are.

Back when I was emotionally dependent on other people, I dedicated a lot of time and effort to loving and serving others—especially those that I was emotionally dependent on. 1 John 4:18 claims, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.” I knew something was up, because I was full of fear. I kept trying to figure out how to achieve this perfect love that was without fear, without torment, but I couldn’t figure it out. All my good intentions of loving and serving others weren’t producing the desired results because I lacked knowledge. I couldn’t see the wickedness I was doing that was keeping me from perfect love and peace. How could loving and serving other people have any wickedness in it?

But mine did. What I was calling love was all mixed up with things that weren’t love at all. I read a description of someone who serves with strings attached, trying to earn love, acceptance, a sense of security, etc. through their service, and I knew it was me. I couldn’t find any peace in my relationships because I was trying to control how other people felt about me instead of just loving me and loving them and letting them make their own choices about how they wanted to feel about me and how much time/effort they felt good about investing in our relationship. I wasn’t truly seeing and loving them as they were and caring about what was best for them; I was trying to get them to love and take care of me so I could feel good about myself and my life. I was trying to get them to create purpose for me, rather than creating purpose for myself. And it wasn’t working. They were feeling suffocated by my neediness, and no matter how much love and attention they gave me, I was still a bottomless pit of need that could never be filled. They couldn’t save me, no matter how much they or I wanted them to be able to, and the wickedness of trusting in the arm of flesh to do that for me instead of the Savior was robbing me of peace.

When I could finally see what I was doing that was hurting me and my relationships, I could finally take steps towards abandoning my wicked practices and replacing them with that perfect love that casteth out fear. It really did require a whole new understanding of what true Christlike love is, built up arduously line upon line, precept upon precept, over many months and years. The process of changing an entire erroneous mindset and pattern of relating to others is brutal. At least it was for me. So many tears. Feeling like the emotional pain I was experiencing would never go away.

But then one day it did. One day I realized that I could remember the negative emotions I used to feel in certain situations, but I didn’t feel them anymore. I had been healed. My heart had been changed. My torment had been replaced with peace. The knowledge I had gained had finally allowed me to replace my wicked practices with more righteous ones, and I was reaping the benefits of thinking and acting in ways that were more in line with God and His love. And I felt so much more peace. And joy. It was always there for me, but I was blocking it by living in ways that were incompatible with joy and peace. I had learned for myself that “there is no peace…to the wicked,” even when you’re sinning in ignorance. That’s why we can’t be saved in ignorance. It’s becoming a person capable of understanding and living in line with divine love and truth that makes the incredible joy and peace of exaltation possible. God wants to give us all the blessings He has, but He can only give us as much as we are able and willing to receive. What we are able to receive is limited by our ability to apply righteous principles in our lives and abandon wicked ones that lead to misery rather than peace.

Do you need more peace in your life? Pray. Study the scriptures. Study the words of other wise men and women who can help you see where you might be getting tripped up with wicked practices that you can’t see yet. Ask the question, “Lord, is it I?”, and listen for His answer. In what ways are you blocking your own peace? It takes a lot of courage to face our own sins and weaknesses, but I can testify that that is the path to peace. It’s in changing ourselves, not others, that we will find the peace we seek. I testify of these things, in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, amen.

Stay Close to the Lord

I was at a high school graduation party for my nephew tonight where we were asked to write down our advice for the new graduate. For some reason there was a general consensus amongst several family members that the advice I had to share would be especially wise and worthwhile. When I said the advice I had given my nephew could be applied to anyone in any situation, I was encouraged to share that advice with a broader audience. So, I thought, what the heck, I’ll write a blog post about it. After all, who doesn’t like a generous helping of unsolicited advice from time to time 😜

In a nutshell, my advice to my nephew was this: stay close to the Lord. I don’t know of any better advice one could give or receive than that. Other lessons I have learned in my life may or may not be applicable to other people, but drawing close to the Source of All Truth who loves you perfectly and does know exactly what you personally need to learn and do to progress and find joy and peace—that is something that would be of great benefit to everyone in every situation.

I have learned from my own personal experience that God lives, that He knows and loves each of His children intimately, and that He can be trusted and relied on. When I have chosen to turn to Him and seek comfort and guidance from His hand, I have been blessed immeasurably. Everything that I most value in my life has come from Him, and I am eternally grateful for those blessings, particularly blessings of knowledge that allow me to see my life more clearly and truthfully, which has led to a huge increase in the joy and peace I experience in my life and in my capacity to bless the lives of others.

Jesus says, “I am the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6). If you are wondering where to go in your life, seek Jesus. He will show you the way to go, teach you the truths you need to know, and help you create the best and most worthwhile life possible. Trust Him, seek Him, stay close to Him—there is no better way to find joy and peace in your life and to reach your divine potential than that. I bear witness of these truths, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

How Can You Feel Grateful In All Things and At All Times?

I was reading over a talk I gave in church a little over a year ago, not too long after we moved to Heber, and I decided it would be a good thing to share on my blog. Here it is.

November 9, 2014
TOPIC: Gratitude in all things and at all times

The topic I was assigned for my talk today is "gratitude in all things and at all times." So, the question is, “How can we feel gratitude even when we are facing trials and difficult times in our lives? What is the source of this gratitude that transcends the suffering we sometimes experience here in mortality?

People often joke that they have read the first verse of the Book of Mormon, 1 Nephi 1:1, more times than any other verse in the Book of Mormon. If you start reading the Book of Mormon and that’s as far as you get, you’ve actually already learned quite a bit from the very wise prophet Nephi. Let’s take a look at that first verse: 

I, Nephi, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father; 

• Nephi had good parents who taught him well, which is very important, but this next part is the part I want to focus on:

and having seen many afflictions in the course of my days, nevertheless, having been highly favored of the Lord in all my days; 

• This sounds like a contradiction. How can you both have many afflictions and at the same time be highly favored of the Lord? We know Nephi did indeed experience many afflictions in his days. He had to leave his home in Jerusalem and all his possessions, travel in the wilderness for a long time where sometimes food was scarce, his older brothers hated him and tried to kill him multiple times. And yet, although Nephi acknowledges that he’s seen many afflictions in the course of his days, in the same breath he says that he has been highly favored of the Lord in all his days. It seems like Nephi has figured it out, how to be grateful even in hard times. Let's keep reading and see if he gives us any clues to this secret. Nephi goes on to say:

yea, having had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God,therefore I make a record of my proceedings in my days. 

• Nephi feels blessed and highly favored of the Lord because of his knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God
• We often think that there are certain things we need in order to feel happy and blessed in our lives: maybe we think we need a nice home, or to get into the college that we want, or to get a certain job that we want, or to get married, or for our kids to behave and make good choices, or for our health to improve
• Nephi is teaching us that it is knowledge of God and His goodness and of eternal truths that brings us peace and hope in the midst of affliction, that allows us to feel greatly blessed, no matter our circumstances. 

How can knowledge of God and His goodness help us in times of trial? 

President Uchtdorf tells us that "Being grateful in our circumstances is an act of faith in God. It requires that we trust God and hope for things we may not see but which are true." He says that "True gratitude is an expression of hope and testimony" (“Grateful in Any Circumstances, Ensign May 2014).

Trusting God is something that I've struggled with a lot in my life. Most recently, this last spring when Ted was getting ready to graduate from USU and was looking for a job, I struggled to trust God in the face of so much change and uncertainty in our future. We had been living in Logan for four years, and I had made a lot of friends and gotten quite comfortable with our life there. I was afraid of having to start over somewhere new where I didn't know anyone. I was pretty sure what I needed to be happy, to live close to people that I loved, and I was afraid that God wasn't going to let me. I didn't feel that I could be grateful unless He did, unless the outcome of Ted's job hunt looked the way I wanted it to look. My struggles with all the changes in my life finally pushed me to humble myself enough to realize that I needed to change the focus of my life. I needed to rely on God and His love to meet my needs, not on other people. When I stopped focusing so much on specific people in my life and my fear of losing them, I was able to see that God had been right there beside me the whole time, but I had been too distracted to notice because I was holding on so tightly to the things I thought I needed to be happy instead of relying on Him and trusting His greater wisdom and knowledge to guide my life. Once I was able to recognize my weakness in this area and work to change and make God and His will the center of my life and trust Him to take care of me, I was able to feel so much more peace.

We are here on earth to gain knowledge and experience and to become like God. For me, the true learning began when I recognized that the way I was going about trying to secure my own happiness was not working. I had a plan, and my plan was not giving me the results I wanted. Realizing that I actually didn't have any idea what I really needed to be happy, that my plan was actually causing me way more suffering than just following God's plan, humbled me enough that I was finally able to say, "Okay, God, you're right. You know best. I thought I knew what I needed to be happy, but I was wrong. I will do things your way. You know what I need to find joy and peace, and I don't. I am ready to accept your plan for my life and trust you to take care of me."

What is it that we actually need to find true joy and peace in our lives? If it isn’t other people or power or possessions, then what is the source of that joy and peace that is available to us even in hard times, when nothing in life seems to be going well? In his famous dream of the Tree of Life, the prophet Lehi finds himself in “a dark and dreary waste” (1 Nephi 8:7). After traveling many hours in darkness, Lehi prays to the Lord for help and relief. It is then that he sees what Lehi describes as “a tree, whose fruit was desirable to make one happy. And it came to pass,” Lehi says, “that I did go forth and partake of the fruit thereof; and I beheld that it was most sweet, above all that I ever before tasted...And as I partook of the fruit thereof it filled my soul with exceedingly great joy…” (1 Nephi 8:10-12). Later we learn that the fruit that Lehi ate represents “the love of God, which sheddeth itself abroad in the hearts of the children of men" and "is the most desirable above all things...and the most joyous to the soul" (1 Nephi 11:21-23). 

God's love - that is the true source of joy and peace. And the great thing is that God's love is something that we can have access to at anytime, no matter what or who else is in our lives. At the time that we make our very first covenant with God, at baptism, our Heavenly Father gives us a great gift, the gift of the Holy Ghost. We learn from Paul in his letter to the Galatians that the fruit of the Spirit includes love, joy and peace (Galatians 5:22). The Holy Ghost helps us feel God's love for us when we are living righteously. Paul also tells us in his letter to the Romans that nothing can separate us from the love of God, not tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword, nor death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature - nothing (Romans 8:35, 38-39). Paul says that "in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us" (Romans 8:37). Jesus Christ and His atonement have the power to heal all of our wounds and to purify us of all our sins and weaknesses. What a great blessing this is, and what a reason to be full of gratitude to a loving and merciful Heavenly Father who will not leave us alone in times of distress and who is willing to forgive us time and time again and has a wonderful plan to help us return to Him and gain eternal joy and peace in His loving presence. 

When we gain a true understanding and testimony of God and His goodness and mercy and love, we are able to trust Him, to know in hard times that He is there to help us and that by following His perfect plan a bright future awaits us, that all our sorrows will ultimately be swallowed up in the love of our Redeemer. We know that God will never give up on us or on our loved ones and that His greatest desire is to bring us all safely home to Him and that He will not rest until He has given us every opportunity to make that choice and achieve that glorious objective. 

At the last General Women’s Meeting, Sister Marriott, the second counselor in the YW presidency, shared an experience where during a struggle in her life she turned to the Lord and was able to have her testimony strengthened and her burden lightened as she came to a greater understanding of herself and of her relationship with the Lord. Sister Marriott recounted:

“Some years ago our family encountered a major challenge. I went to the temple and there prayed earnestly for help. I was given a moment of truth. I received a clear impression of my weaknesses, and I was shocked. In that spiritually instructive moment, I saw a prideful woman doing things her own way, not necessarily the Lord’s way, and privately taking credit for any so-called accomplishment. I knew I was looking at myself. I cried out in my heart to Heavenly Father and said, “I don’t want to be that woman, but how do I change?”

Through the pure spirit of revelation in the temple, I was taught of my utter need for a Redeemer. I turned immediately to the Savior Jesus Christ in my thoughts and felt my anguish melt away and a great hope spring up in my heart. He was my only hope, and I longed to cling only to Him. It was clear to me that a self-absorbed natural woman “is an enemy to God” and to people in her sphere of influence. In the temple that day I learned it was only through the Atonement of Jesus Christ that my prideful nature could change and that I would be enabled to do good. I felt His love keenly, and I knew He would teach me by the Spirit and change me if I gave my heart to Him, holding back nothing.”

Sister Marriott continued, “I still fight my weaknesses, but I trust in the divine help of the Atonement. This pure instruction came because I entered the holy temple, seeking relief and answers. I entered the temple burdened, and I left knowing I had an all-powerful and all-loving Savior. I was lighter and joyful because I had received His light and accepted His plan for me” (“Sharing Your Light,” Ensign November 2014).

Notice in this example that going to the temple did not make the major challenge in the life of Sister Marriott and her family go away. However, recognizing her weaknesses and calling upon Jesus Christ for help to change allowed Sister Marriott to feel God’s love for her and gain confidence in His ability and willingness to help her and her family achieve their divine potential and the eternal joy He desired for them.

When life seems hard and we feel that we are surrounded by darkness and despair, like Lehi in his dream, sometimes it can be really hard to find Christ’s light and God’s love in the darkness. How do we get out of dark emotional places to a place of gratitude?

When we are in dark places, Satan would love for us to stay there. He is the one that gives us feelings of discouragement and despair, tries to convince us that we are worthless and can never change or accomplish anything good and that our lives are terrible and will never get better. Those feelings do not come from the Spirit. You can tell because they do not motivate you to do good, they just paralyze you. The Spirit gives you feelings of hope and faith that you can change and improve with Christ's help and that God is taking care of you and life will get better. I’ve noticed that it's easier to feel the Spirit in my life when I am pushing forward, making goals, and working to make good things happen in my life and in the lives of others, rather than just sitting around contemplating the things in my life that make me sad or that I wish were different. Like Lehi, often we need to call on the Lord for help to find the light in the darkness. 

When I was struggling with all the changes in my life and trying to change my focus and gain a more eternal perspective on things, I prayed to know what my new focus should be in my life. What I had been focusing on hadn’t been working well for me, so I didn’t want to focus on that anymore, but I needed something to replace it with, something that was worthwhile and that I felt good about. I had just recently had my son Sam and quit working, and I needed to know what my life should be about besides nursing and changing diapers. I decided to read my patriarchal blessing with this question in mind: What should I be doing with my life right now? How should I be using my time? It was like God had just been waiting for me to ask that question. As I read my blessing, I received so much inspiration about what things God expected me to accomplish and work on at this time in my life. I received so many ideas about ways I could use my talents to help build God’s kingdom. It was amazing. And as I worked to implement these ideas, I felt God’s love more in my life and gratitude that I could use my strengths to help bless others’ lives in ways that worked well for me during this new stage in my life.

As I mentioned earlier, the main purpose of this life is to learn how to become like God. That's why we're here. No matter what is happening in our lives, if it is helping us to grow and to seek answers and truth and to change and to become better and stronger and to trust in the Lord more deeply and feel His love more strongly, then we are succeeding in obtaining the treasure we came to earth to find. Struggles help us to be humble and to recognize our need for a Savior and to seek to learn the lessons He is trying to teach us. Lots of times we want to say, "Oh, I'm good. I'm as good as I want to be, I've got all the blessings I need, I don't need to learn anything else.” God loves us too much to let us sell ourselves short though. He knows what experiences we need to become who we need to be to qualify for celestial glory, and He will not settle for any less joy than that for His children. He lets us go through hard things because He knows we need those experiences to be purified and molded and shaped into the best people we can be and to receive the greatest amount of joy in the next life and throughout eternity.

Gratitude comes when we recognize our great need for a Savior and come to know personally that He loves us in spite of all our weaknesses and mistakes and that He is willing to forgive us and bless us as we turn to Him and repent and try to change. His great patience with us as we continue to stumble and fall again and again as we try to become better and more like Him is what creates a spirit of gratitude in our hearts.

Adam and Eve felt this great gratitude in their hearts when, after partaking of the forbidden fruit and facing the consequences of their choice of being cast out of the Garden of Eden and out of God’s presence, they were told that their Heavenly Father had prepared a Savior for them who was willing to suffer for their sins and give His life so they could have the opportunity to return to God’s presence and feel His great love for them again. They were eager to make covenants with their Father and live their lives by those covenants for the opportunity to have that great blessing.

Ammon, the son of Mosiah, and the prophet Joseph Smith both have beautiful chapters where they praise God in joyful gratitude for His great mercy and longsuffering towards the children of men and His eagerness to forgive us and bless us and bring us home. 

In Alma 26, starting in verse 11, Ammon says: “...behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.” Jumping down to verse 14: “Yea, we have reason to praise him forever, for he is the Most High God, and has loosed our brethren from the chains of hell. Yea, they were encircled about with everlasting darkness and destruction; but behold, he has brought them into his everlasting light, yea, into everlasting salvation; and they are encircled about with the matchless bounty of his love; yea, and we have been instruments in his hands of doing this great and marvelous work. Therefore, let us glory, yea, we will glory in the Lord; yea, we will rejoice, for our joy is full; yea, we will praise our God forever. Behold, who can glory too much in the Lord? Yea, who can say too much of his great power, and of his mercy, and of his long-suffering towards the children of men? Behold, I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part which I feel. Who could have supposed that our God would have been so merciful as to have snatched us from our awful, sinful, and polluted state? Behold, we went forth even in wrath, with mighty threatenings to destroy his church. Oh then, why did he not consign us to an awful destruction, yea, why did he not let the sword of his justice fall upon us, and doom us to eternal despair?....Behold, he did not exercise his justice upon us, but in his great mercy hath brought us over that everlasting gulf of death and misery, even to the salvation of our souls….Now have we not reason to rejoice? Yea, I say unto you, there never were men that had so great reason to rejoice as we, since the world began; yea, and my joy is carried away, even unto boasting in my God; for he has all power, all wisdom, and all understanding; he comprehendeth all things, and he is a merciful Being, even unto salvation, to those who will repent and believe on his name. Now if this is boasting, even so will I boast; for this is my life and my light, my joy and my salvation, and my redemption from everlasting wo....Now my brethren, we see that God is mindful of every people, whatsoever land they may be in; yea, he numbereth his people, and his bowels of mercy are over all the earth. Now this is my joy, and my great thanksgiving; yea, and I will give thanks unto my God forever. Amen.”

What a beautiful tribute to an all-loving, all-powerful, all-merciful Heavenly Father. Joseph Smith also gives witness to the greatness of our God and His gospel and the great blessing we have to be children of God and to know His plan for us in D&C 128:19, 22-23:

“Now, what do we hear in the gospel which we have received? A voice of gladness! A voice of mercy from heaven; and a voice of truth out of the earth; glad tidings for the dead; a voice of gladness for the living and the dead; glad tidings of great joy. How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of those that bring glad tidings of good things, and that say unto Zion: Behold, thy God reigneth!....Let your hearts rejoice, and be exceedingly glad. Let the earth break forth into singing. Let the dead speak forth anthems of eternal praise to the King Immanuel, who hath ordained, before the world was, that which would enable us to redeem them out of their prison; for the prisoners shall go free. Let the mountains shout for joy, and all ye valleys cry aloud; and all ye seas and dry lands tell the wonders of your Eternal King! And ye rivers, and brooks, and rills, flow down with gladness. Let the woods and all the trees of the field praise the Lord; and ye solid rocks weep for joy! And let the sun, moon, and the morning stars sing together, and let all the sons of God shout for joy! And let the eternal creations declare his name forever and ever! And again I say, how glorious is the voice we hear from heaven, proclaiming in our ears, glory, and salvation, and honor, and immortality, and eternal life; kingdoms, principalities, and powers!”

God’s plan for His children is amazing, and we can be eternally grateful for His love and wisdom and mercy towards us and His great desire to make a glorious future possible for us. This is the difficult part of our journey towards Godhood, but the blessings we will receive as we press forward and endure to the end will be greater than we could ever imagine. Paul tells us in Romans 8:18 “that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”

I know that we have a Heavenly Father who knows and loves each of us dearly and knows what experiences we need to return to live with Him again and have an eternal peace and joy that will never be taken from us. I know that we have a Savior, Jesus Christ, who suffered for all our pain and sins so that we might repent and be forgiven and receive all the blessings God has to bestow on His precious children. I know that we are here on earth to learn, and that the experiences we have will help us become perfected as we turn to the Savior for help and comfort and allow the Spirit to teach us important eternal truths through our sorrows and struggles. I know that we can trust our Father to take care of us and our loved ones, to give us the strength and comfort we need to carry on, and to guide us home to His ever-loving presence. I know that all wrongs in this life can and will be made right through the Atonement and that all wounds will be healed. What a huge blessing this is. My heart is full of gratitude for my Heavenly Father and for my Savior, His Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ. I am grateful for their love and wisdom and mercy and their great patience with me and my weaknesses as I seek to learn and grow and become more like them. I am grateful that They never give up on me, no matter how many times I stumble or fall short. I know that they will take care of me and that they will take care of you. You can trust Them. Give your burdens to the Lord and let Him sustain you during the hard times. Pray for an eternal perspective, to feel joy and peace from the Spirit, and to gain your own testimony that “all things work together for good to them that love God” (Romans 8:28).

D&C 42:61

If thou shalt ask, thou shalt receive revelation upon revelation, knowledge upon knowledge, that thou mayest know the mysteries and peaceable things—that which bringeth joy, that which bringeth life eternal.

And you will always have reason to be grateful and to rejoice. I say these things, in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.

Words of Warning--Signs of Love

I love that when you experience troubling emotions you can turn to the Lord for help, and He will help you. I used to do a lot more wallowing when I experienced difficult emotions, or else I would try to use methods of coping with them that were not very effective. My emotions controlled me a lot more than I controlled them. It has been amazing to see the difference now that I have developed the habit of immediately turning to the Lord in prayer as soon as I recognize that I am experiencing emotions that I know do not come from the Spirit. The Lord is actually amazing at helping me see things in a different, more truthful light that changes the way I am feeling about any particular situation, and He is always prompt to do so when I ask.

My most recent experience with this was yesterday when I was studying my patriarchal blessing. This sounds like it would be an uplifting activity, but lately when I’ve studied it, it’s been a little difficult for me to feel the Lord’s love for me through it. The things that stand out to me are all the warnings and cautions, and they make me feel like the Lord sees me as weak, easily tempted and not to be trusted. That’s not how I usually feel about my relationship with the Lord right now in my life though. Lately in my life I’ve been feeling the Spirit guiding me a lot to do different things that bless my life and the lives of others, and I’ve really been feeling like more of a partner with the Savior in doing His work on the earth.

So, generally in my life I feel like the Lord loves me and is pleased with me, and it troubled me that when I read my patriarchal blessing that is not how I felt. I prayed and talked with the Lord about my feelings and asked for His help in being able to see and feel His love for me through my blessing, to know that I am loved and cherished by my Father in Heaven for the good I am trying to accomplish in my life and in the lives of others.

As I prayed and thought about my blessing, it was like the Lord flipped a switch in my brain, and I was suddenly able to see how the words of warning themselves were a sign of my Heavenly Father’s love for me. Heavenly Father wanted to clearly tell me that Satan would try to tempt me and the ways he would do so. He wanted to make sure that when Satan tries to lie to me, I will not be taken in by his lies but will see them for what they are and know that those thoughts and feelings do not come from my Heavenly Father and do not reflect eternal truths. Heavenly Father wants to make sure I understand clearly His expectations of me, the great blessings that will come to me as I keep His commandments, and the methods Satan will use to try to draw me away from Him.

My Heavenly Father knows what information and counsel I need in order to stay strong in the face of adversity and temptation, and He loves me enough to give it to me. Not because He fears I will fail, but because He knows that with an adequate amount of truth and information and an eternal perspective I will have the knowledge and power I need to succeed. The words of warning in my patriarchal blessing are tools given to me by a loving Heavenly Father to help me succeed in my battle against Satan and my own weaknesses. He gives them to me not because He fears I will fail, but because He knows that armed with them I can and will succeed.

I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who knows me so well and loves me enough to give me all the help and support I need to make good choices and make it back to Him. And I am so grateful for the increased light and truth that I can receive from the Lord when I ask that has the power to change my troubling emotions to feelings of peace, love, and hope from the Spirit.

*Note: If you are not a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and you are wondering what a “patriarchal blessing” is, here are a couple webpages that kind of explain what they are:

https://www.lds.org/topics/patriarchal-blessings?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/new-era/2004/03/about-patriarchal-blessings?lang=eng

Truth Is Independent of Feelings

Truth is independent of feelings.

This has been a hard-won truth for me. For the last year or so, I have been battling a lot of feelings and emotions that have clouded my vision and kept me from seeing my life and relationships clearly and truthfully. There were times that I felt very loved in certain relationships and times when I felt very unloved. The truth that people loved me remained constant, but sometimes I could feel that love and sometimes I couldn't, but whether I could feel it or not did not change the truth that they loved me, just my ability to perceive it. I had a lot of false beliefs and unrealistic expectations of how someone who loved me would think or feel or speak or act that were causing a disconnect for me between the truth of other people's love for me and my ability to feel that love. Once I worked through a lot of those false ideas, it became so much easier for me to see and feel the truth of other people's love for me. 

This experience has taught me that there is often a disconnect between truth and our feelings, that truth is independent of how we might feel at any given moment. Feelings are real, but they are very often not a reflection of truth. For example, sometimes we might feel that we are of great worth, while at other times we might feel completely worthless. It is not the truth of our innate worth as a person or as a child of God that is flip-flopping from one minute to the next; it is only our ability to feel that we are of worth that is changing. It is the same when we have times when we feel that our life is hopeless; that is a real feeling, but it does not reflect truth. When we push through the hard feelings, we will discover the truth that there is still a lot of hope and joy in our future, especially as we draw on the healing and strength that is available to us through Christ's atonement.

We can explain things in our heads in all sorts of different ways that capture varying amounts of the truth and make us feel all sorts of different ways. It really is a gift from God and an amazing ability God has to see things "as they really are" in an eternal perspective rather than through the variety of lenses we use to see and interpret the world around us here on earth. How we explain things to ourselves is so important because it influences how we feel and how we act. Satan loves for us to believe explanations of the world or of others that lead us to make choices that are destructive to ourselves and/or to others.

Our underlying beliefs and thought patterns cannot change truth, but they can have a huge effect on how we feel. I think a lot of God's counsel and teachings are to help us see our life, circumstances and relationships in a more eternal, truthful way. For example, when someone does or says something that hurts us, we can choose to dwell on that temporary hurt and see and treat that person as that one action (a very incomplete and untruthful image of anyone) and ourselves as a victim of that action, or we can choose to follow God's commandment and forgive that person and let go of the hurt and focus instead on the eternal truth that Christ paid for both their unChristlike action and the pain we experienced because of it and because of that that person can learn and change and be forgiven and we can be healed of the hurt their imperfections caused us. 

I feel like in today’s world, we tend to put a lot of emphasis on people's feelings determining who they are or what truth is, and I think this is a very dangerous trend that is drawing people further and further away from eternal truths. Society seems to be subscribing more and more to the philosophy, “if it doesn’t feel good, don’t do it. If it feels good, do it.” If you aren’t feeling fulfilled in your marriage, then get out. If you love someone and want to have sex with them, then do it. If trying to keep God’s commandments is hard and makes you feel bad or guilty sometimes, then stop trying. God loves you and wants you to feel happy all the time, so if trying to keep His commandments doesn’t make you feel happy, then you don’t need to worry about them; they obviously don’t apply to you. God will love you no matter what you do. Do what feels good to you and makes you happy.

Satan is so good at twisting truth. Of course God wants you to be happy. Of course God will love you no matter what you do. But there is more to it than that. God’s goal is not for you just to be happy in the moment: God’s goal is for you to have the maximum amount of joy possible for eternity. God will love you no matter what you do, but He also knows that some actions you choose will lead you to the eternal joy He wants for you and some actions you choose will not. His love for you and His desire for your eternal happiness is what leads Him to give His children commandments, to tell them the truth about what choices they need to make to achieve their divine potential, become like Him and enjoy the joy and peace He enjoys. The truth is that some things that will bring us eternal joy can also be very, very difficult and cause us a lot of heartache, discomfort and suffering in the moment. That’s where faith comes in.

God’s knowledge of eternal truths is much, much greater than ours. We are blinded in many ways by the fallen world we live in and the feelings and temptations that come with imperfect, mortal bodies. Many of our natural inclinations and feelings do not align with eternal truths. Our job here on earth is to learn to master our bodies and the thoughts and emotions that come with them, not just let them sweep us along here or there. We have the power to determine our destiny, what we do and who we become, and God teaches us how to use that power wisely. 

It takes a lot of faith and trust in God to follow His words when it goes against how we are feeling. When someone hurts us, turning the other cheek is not what we feel like doing. Neither is loving, blessing, doing good to, or praying for people who curse, hate, or persecute us. But God asks us to master our emotions and act in a Christlike manner towards all of His children, no matter how they choose to treat us at any given moment. He knows the eternal truth that each person is His child with the potential to become like Him, no matter how far they still have to go to get there. Through Christ’s atonement, all God’s children can repent and change, no matter how many mistakes they have made on their mortal journey or how many people they have hurt. The atonement paid for all that, and God asks us to treat all of His children with love and forgiveness as they grow and learn, one small step at a time, doing all sorts of wrongs in the meantime that they have no way of making right, but that Christ has chosen to take on Himself so that He can give forgiveness and relief from sins and their consequences to all who choose to follow Him and accept the gift of His atonement.

Our innate worth and divine potential as children of God is real and eternal, no matter how we feel about ourselves or how others may feel about us at any given moment. God has also revealed that “Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose” and that “the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the Word” https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng). Whatever our feelings may be, these are real and eternal truths that God has revealed to His prophets to help us clearly understand His plan for His children and what choices and actions will allow us to reach our divine potential and help others reach theirs. The blessings that come from keeping God's commandments are real and eternal, whether it feels difficult to keep them or not.

Only God is able to see all things as they truly were, are and will be, which is why He asks us to trust Him and submit to His will, even when our feelings make us want to make other choices. When we humble ourselves, trust God, and strive to align our will with His, praying to see things as He sees them, and committing to act according to our knowledge of the truths He has and will reveal to us personally or through His prophets, we will be able to see through the dark swirling mists of our unhelpful feelings to the light and truth He has to show us. And once we see things in the more truthful light of God's eternal perspective, then we will feel the feelings of peace, love and joy that come when we have the Holy Ghost with us.

I can testify from personal experience that your feelings and perspective change as you become converted unto the Lord and become one with Him. It can be a very slow, grueling process, with many setbacks and many false beliefs to discover and tackle one by one, each with tons of unhelpful, excruciating feelings attached that make it so hard to see and hold on to the truth. When you keep pressing on in your pursuit of truth and don't give up though, God will continue to teach you "line upon line and precept upon precept, here a little and there a little," as you are prepared to receive it. 

I am so grateful for those who have been kind and patient and forgiving with me as I have gone through my learning processes, and I hope to be able to extend the same love, kindness, and compassion to others as they wrestle with their own painful emotions and false beliefs, seeking truth. I know God is there to help each of us on each step of our journey back to Him and that He will never give up on us, no matter how long it takes us to come to trust Him and make the tough sacrifices He asks us to make so that we can become like Him and receive the blessings He is eagerly waiting to shower upon us. The cool thing is, that the things we think we have to have to be happy that God is asking us to give up (these are different for each person) are actually not the key to our happiness at all. God knows the key, and when we trust Him enough to do what He asks even when it's hard, we will discover that He was right all along and that the sacrifices we make that we thought meant giving up happiness actually open the door to true, lasting happiness and peace. 

I am so grateful for a kind, wise Heavenly Father who is so patient with me as I make mistakes, learn, and slowly come to trust Him and for His willingness to help me replace my false beliefs and the painful emotions that come with them with truths that bring increased peace and joy into my life.

Purging Myself of False Beliefs

A lot of the learning I have done over the last several months has involved purging myself of false beliefs. A useful skill I have developed during my learning process is tracing my emotions back to the belief that triggered them, and then deciding if that belief is true or false and whether I still want to believe it or not. When you can find the source of your emotions, it gives you the power to change them and makes you feel like much less of a victim. Here are some of the false beliefs I have discovered and had to purge myself of so far:

1. Life is about spending time with people you love. This is false. This is a great perk to life, but it is not what life is about. Life is about learning to become like God and helping others do the same. It’s about using the talents I have been given to build God's kingdom on the earth and bless others' lives and become better in the process. I can't just center my life on others and live their life instead of my own, like I have a tendency to do with people I love a lot. Like Christ explains in His parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-30), I can't bury or neglect my own talents; I have to use my time here on earth wisely and make my own plans and goals to improve myself and bless others, not just hang around cool people and expect them to make me happy and save me instead of the Savior. This is not the path to lasting joy and fulfillment. I have to put God and loving and serving Him first. I often get in trouble by switching up those first two commandments. The first commandment is “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind” and the second is “Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself” (Matthew 22:36-40). When I start loving others with all my heart, soul and mind and keep God at a distance, that’s when I get into trouble. It was a little tricky to figure this false belief out, because loving other people is a good thing, but when I put loving other people before loving and serving God, my life starts to get out of balance and the peace and joy that comes from having my will aligned with the Lord’s is missing.
   
   
2. I can control how others feel about me. This is also false. I realized that in my life I’ve always tried to do everything “right” so that people would have no excuse not to like me. I thought that if I was nice and thoughtful and serviceable enough, I could control the way other people felt about me. This is not true. It doesn't matter how nice or thoughtful or serviceable I am: I can't make someone love me more than they choose to love me or give me more in the relationship than they choose to give. As evidenced by the life of the Savior, even if I was a perfect person and did everything perfectly, people could still choose not to like me. And I am far from perfect. I have to let other people make their own choices about whether they want to love me in spite of my imperfections and weaknesses. I need to stop loving and serving others with strings attached, trying to obligate other people to love, protect and take care of me by offering them martyr-like service instead of setting appropriate boundaries on what I am willing to do and allowing others to set their own boundaries. People don't like being forced into loving someone; they want to make that choice freely, not guilted into it because you go to such great lengths to be nice and thoughtful and to serve them.
   
   
3. Other people's ideas, beliefs, or opinions are more correct and/or important than my own. If someone disagrees with my idea or opinion, it means they don't like me. If I have a bad or flawed idea, this makes me a bad person. These are all false beliefs. My own ideas, beliefs, and opinions are just as valid and important as anyone else's. Just because someone else has a certain opinion and declares it very boldly and confidently does not make it true. Other people disapproving of what I am doing does not necessarily make what I am doing wrong. Other people having different opinions than me doesn't make my opinions wrong or of less intrinsic value, nor does it make me of less intrinsic value. It's very possible to disagree with someone and still love them and not think any less of them. Having an idea that doesn't work or that has cons is an opportunity to learn and come up with a different idea, not a reason to repent.

A lot of the things I've been learning are probably obvious to a lot of people, but they were not obvious to me. I didn't even realize I believed a lot of these things until recently. It can be hard to recognize the underlying assumptions you are making that are guiding your thoughts, feelings and actions. Not until you recognize these assumptions do you have the power to question them and to change them.

All the false beliefs I've been recognizing in myself have made me more aware of the beliefs that other people hold and are using to guide their thoughts and decisions. For example, I recently took a survey about my thoughts on the equality of men and women in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It was a pretty biased survey; you could tell what opinions the survey writers held on the matter, and I definitely felt from the questions and the answer options I was given like I was being pushed to give evidence for their opinions rather than being given the opportunity to honestly communicate my own thoughts.

One specific question on the survey really stood out to me though because of the false belief I recognized behind the question. The question asked something along the lines of, if women held more leadership roles in the church, how would that affect your religious/spiritual life? This question assumes that other people can have a significant influence on a person's personal religious/spiritual life. This is false. The quality of my religious/spiritual life completely depends on me and the personal relationship that I develop with my Heavenly Father. Other people only have as much power over my religious/spiritual life as I give them. Other people's choices or responsibilities in the church have nothing to do with my own personal relationship with Deity. As Paul explains so eloquently in Romans 8:35, 37-39:

35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

We have to take responsibility for the quality of our own religious/spiritual life and not blame any lack we feel in that area on other people or on circumstances that we think are less than ideal. The weaknesses and shortcomings of men and women cannot separate us from the love of God and a rich religious/spiritual life.

As I've discovered and worked to rid myself of the false beliefs I've developed throughout my life and replace them with truth, my heart and my perspective have changed, and I have been able to feel so much more peace and joy in my life and to become so much better of a disciple of Christ.

In honor of the Christmas season, and in celebration of His birth and life, I want to share my personal testimony of Jesus Christ with you.

My Testimony of Jesus Christ

I know Jesus Christ lives. I know that He came to earth to free us from sin and death. I know that through His atonement we can be cleansed from all our sins and have our hearts changed. I have seen my own heart change as I have humbly sought His will for me and prayed sincerely for help to change. I know that the more we align our lives with God's will, the more joy and peace we will feel, no matter what hardships we are facing. Christ really is the Prince of Peace and can give us peace and comfort that passes understanding even in the darkest times of our lives. As we learn to follow His example and become true disciples of Christ, we will come to a greater understanding of spiritual truths and our burdens will be lightened.

I know that we each had a personal relationship with our Savior before this life and that He wants nothing more than to see us safely back home again with our Father in Heaven and has made that possible for each one of us through His atonement and is cheering us on every step of the way. He is patient and forgiving of our weaknesses, empathetic to our sorrows and struggles, and joyous at our triumphs. He is our Savior and Redeemer, our advocate with the Father, and a true and trusted friend to all who humbly seek Him. My gift to Him and to you this holiday season is to share my testimony of my Savior, Jesus Christ, in His name, amen.