Doubt Not, But Be Believing

A while back I was reading in Mormon chapter 9 in the Book of Mormon. I was struck by how many times in that chapter we are exhorted to believe in Christ, “doubting nothing” and promised miracles when we do so. It became very clear to me that God places a high value on faith and belief.

I think this stood out to me so much because it is such a contrast to how we tend to think in our current society. I feel like our current society values skepticism over belief. If you’re skeptical of everything, then you’ll never be tricked into believing something that’s not true. You’ll never risk looking like a fool. It’s interesting to me that this is not God’s approach. He encourages us to believe. To exercise faith and hope in the face of uncertainty. That is what makes miracles possible.

More recently I was reading in chapter 63 of the Doctrine and Covenants. Verses 7-12 discuss people who seek signs before they will believe. It seemed very relevant to this discussion of doubt vs belief:

7 And he that seeketh signs shall see signs, but not unto salvation.
8 Verily, I say unto you, there are those among you who seek signs, and there have been such even from the beginning;
9 But, behold, faith cometh not by signs, but signs follow those that believe.
10 Yea, signs come by faith, not by the will of men, nor as they please, but by the will of God.
11 Yea, signs come by faith, unto mighty works, for without faith no man pleaseth God; and with whom God is angry he is not well pleased; wherefore, unto such he showeth no signs, only in wrath unto their condemnation.
12 Wherefore, I, the Lord, am not pleased with those among you who have sought after signs and wonders for faith, and not for the good of men unto my glory.

What I found most interesting in these verses is God’s discussion of what signs are for. He seems most frustrated with those whose focus is on themselves and their need for a sign from God before they will heed His words, rather than on seeking miracles from God to bless others.

I can think of a couple stories that illustrate the concept that “faith cometh not by signs, but signs follow those that believe.”

I met a man during my full-time missionary service in France who experienced the truth that “signs follow those that believe.” His father was gravely injured and in critical condition. This man prayed and told God that he would quit smoking and not seek revenge on those who had injured his father if God would spare his father’s life. His father lived, and this man kept the commitments he had made to God. This experience of acting in faith to secure blessings from God for another resulted in the miracle of his father’s healing and increased this man’s own faith in God, eventually leading him to the waters of baptism to make further covenants with the Lord.

The story of Laman and Lemuel from the Book of Mormon, however, supports the statement that “faith cometh not by signs.” The prophet Lehi’s two eldest sons saw many signs that God is real, even being visited by an angel at one point, but these signs did not create faith in them. They continued to doubt God and His power. Their brother Nephi asks them at one point, “ye also know that an angel hath spoken unto you; wherefore can ye doubt?” And yet, despite all the signs, somehow they manage it. Faith truly cometh not by signs.

You may wonder if I am promoting the idea of “blind faith” here. Let me respond to that by first telling you part of my own story.

Far from promoting “blind faith,” all my youth leaders at church when I was growing up kept emphasizing the importance of getting your own testimony and finding out for yourself that the teachings of the church were true. The point was brought up so often, that I felt a lot of pressure to find out if my church was the true church of God, not because I needed a sign to continue to live its teachings, but because everyone else seemed so convinced that I needed a sign. So I dutifully prayed and asked God to tell me if the church’s teachings were true. If the Book of Mormon was true. I felt a lot of anxiety over my ability to receive a sign from God that would convince all these other people that I had a real testimony of the gospel.

Not surprisingly, my people-pleasing prayers went largely unanswered. One night, after a particularly poignant lesson on the topic, I prayed even more earnestly, sharing with God my anxiety on the topic. This time I received an answer. The answer I received from God through the Spirit was that it was okay for me to just keep living the gospel like I was doing for now. I didn’t need a sign. I could just keep believing and following the commandments. Relief washed through me. I didn’t need to prove anything to anybody. I could just keep living the gospel like I wanted to.

About fifteen years after this experience, I came to a point in my life where I needed to know for myself that God was there and that I could rely on Him. I needed Him to show me the path to the peace, joy and fulfillment He promises the faithful in the scriptures because my own methods for obtaining those things were failing me. This time when I went to Him in prayer, I was not seeking knowledge from Him that other people thought I needed; I was seeking answers to my own questions and concerns. And when I came to Him with my own questions and concerns, He answered me with a steady stream of personal revelation, teaching me truth after truth after truth. The scriptures had indeed become a feast for me, and I learned for myself that I could rely on the Lord to fill me and help me find joy even in the midst of tribulation.

Looking back over my life, do I feel like all those years I spent believing in God and living the gospel without really knowing 100% it was true foolish? A waste? Not at all. I’m actually super grateful that before I had gained enough knowledge and experience to know for myself what types of choices would be of benefit to me, I was taught to live by many values and form many healthy habits that have blessed my life immeasurably. I see those many years of what some might call “blind faith” more a period of maturation of my faith, of laying a foundation of knowledge of God and His words and His ways that I could draw on when it came time for me to finally put my faith to the test.

There are many stories in the scriptures that follow a similar pattern. Nephi was taught about God by his parents growing up. When his father Lehi had a dream in which God told him to take his family and go on a long journey into the wilderness because Jerusalem was going to be destroyed, it was a crisis moment for Nephi. Suddenly he had to know for himself if these things his father had taught him about God were true because the answer was going to have a significant impact on his life. He prayed, and the Lord visited him and softened his heart, letting him know all the things his father had taught him were true (1 Nephi 2:16, Book of Mormon).

Enos had a similar experience when he was out hunting and pondering on all the things his father had taught him and had a strong desire to know that the atonement was real and that he could be forgiven of his sins. He prayed earnestly “all the day long,” until he finally heard a voice saying, “Enos, thy sins are forgiven thee, and thou shalt be blessed,” and his “guilt was swept away” (Enos 1:3-6, Book of Mormon). He then continued to pray on behalf of his people, the Nephites, and then on behalf of his people’s enemies, the Lamanites, and continued to receive further knowledge from the Lord. Like Nephi, he now had his own testimony of the truth of the gospel, separate from his parents’.

There is another point of insight I think we can glean from Enos’s story as well. In verse 1 Enos says, “I, Enos, knowing my father that he was a just man…” We talk about “blind faith,” but I wonder how “blind” faith that is based on the beliefs of one’s parents or on the words of prophets in the scriptures or in our day actually is. Enos took the words of his father seriously because he knew his father to be “a just man.” Nephi also talks about how he was born “of goodly parents” (1 Nephi 1:1). Both these sons could track the goodness of the people who raised them and the strength and goodness that came into their lives through their beliefs.

Even Alma the Younger, who chose to rebel against his father and his father’s gospel teachings, when he finally came to a recognition of the harm the choices he was making were causing himself and others, remembered his father’s testimony in his hour of need and put it to the test, experiencing, like Enos, the miracle of forgiveness, and coming to know His Savior personally through that experience (Alma 36:8-20, Book of Mormon).

Usually the sincere testimony of other good people who have exercised faith and received their own personal evidence of God’s existence, power and mercy is where our own faith begins. This is why God went to such great lengths to have His prophets write down their revelations and experiences, to preserve those writings, and to inspire people to translate those ancient writings into modern languages. The scriptures provide us the knowledge and evidence we need to kindle our own small flame of faith that can then grow larger as we exercise that faith and have our own personal experiences with God. To see His hand in our personal lives though, we first must be willing to believe.

I can personally testify that “signs follow those that believe.” I have experienced God’s hand in my own life on countless occasions. I know He lives and that He knows and loves each of us personally. I invite each of you to exercise enough faith to seek Him and find out for yourselves. He promises throughout the scriptures, “seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you” (Matt 7:7, Luke 11:9, D&C 88:63). I know God’s promises are true, and that when you sincerely seek Him, you will find Him, for “he hath all power unto the fulfilling of all his words” (1 Nephi 9:6) and “proveth all his words” (2 Nephi 11:3). I bear my personal witness of this, in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, amen.

"O Wretched Man That I Am"

My study of the Book of Mormon this week brought me to these verses written by the prophet Nephi:

2 Nephi 4:17-18

17 Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.

18 I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.

My thought reading these verses this time through was, “I have been there so many times.”

When I was younger I didn't understand Nephi's words in these verses. Nephi was a very righteous man, a prophet even. What on earth was he talking about?

Now I know. No matter how righteous you are, none of us is perfect. We each have our own weaknesses that we struggle with, and sometimes those weaknesses can seem so all-consuming and so difficult to bear. And when we have been working on our weaknesses for a long time and feel like we have made so much progress, and then our weaknesses rear their ugly heads again and knock us down and make us feel like we haven't made any progress at all, it can be so so frustrating and discouraging. We feel like saying, “O wretched man (or woman) that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.” 

It doesn't matter what those temptations and sins are that beset you or how they compare to anyone else’s. Any sin will keep you out of heaven, no matter how small. Every single one of us needs the atonement to overcome the sins and weaknesses that we personally struggle with, that are keeping us personally from becoming more like God. 

Nephi goes on to say, “nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted,” and talks about all the ways God has supported him in his trials, delivered him from his enemies, given him great knowledge and visions and sent angels to minister unto him. Then, starting in verse 26, he says, 

“O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?....Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul….Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation.”

Nephi turns the focus from himself and his weaknesses to the Lord and His mercy. He recognizes that it is Satan, “the enemy of [his] soul,” that wants him to “linger in the valley of sorrow” and allow his “strength [to] slacken” as he dwells on his weaknesses and allows discouragement and self-deprecation to consume him. Those feelings of discouragement and despair do not come from the Lord, and Nephi realizes that he must shake them off and instead rejoice in the Lord and His mercy and the power the atonement gives him to repent and be forgiven and change.

The Lord has an infinite amount of love for each of His children and is way more patient with us than we are with ourselves. The Lord says in the book of Ether, “I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them” (Ether 12:27). In the next verse He says, “Behold, I will show unto [my children] their weakness, and I will show unto them that faith, hope and charity bringeth unto me--the fountain of all righteousness.” 

When we are confronted with our weaknesses, we can give in to the enemy of our souls and allow our souls to linger in the valley of sorrow and our strength to slacken, or we can choose the Lord’s way and face our weaknesses with “faith, hope and charity.” When we have faith and hope that we can change and become better and that the Lord will help us, our outlook on our lives and ourselves is so much brighter, and we feel so much more motivated to keep moving forward and striving to become better. The Lord is full of charity and love for us, and He wants us to extend that kind of love to ourselves and to those around us. May we all learn to do that and to “rejoice in the Lord” rather than “droop in sin” is my prayer, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

How Can You Feel Grateful In All Things and At All Times?

I was reading over a talk I gave in church a little over a year ago, not too long after we moved to Heber, and I decided it would be a good thing to share on my blog. Here it is.

November 9, 2014
TOPIC: Gratitude in all things and at all times

The topic I was assigned for my talk today is "gratitude in all things and at all times." So, the question is, “How can we feel gratitude even when we are facing trials and difficult times in our lives? What is the source of this gratitude that transcends the suffering we sometimes experience here in mortality?

People often joke that they have read the first verse of the Book of Mormon, 1 Nephi 1:1, more times than any other verse in the Book of Mormon. If you start reading the Book of Mormon and that’s as far as you get, you’ve actually already learned quite a bit from the very wise prophet Nephi. Let’s take a look at that first verse: 

I, Nephi, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father; 

• Nephi had good parents who taught him well, which is very important, but this next part is the part I want to focus on:

and having seen many afflictions in the course of my days, nevertheless, having been highly favored of the Lord in all my days; 

• This sounds like a contradiction. How can you both have many afflictions and at the same time be highly favored of the Lord? We know Nephi did indeed experience many afflictions in his days. He had to leave his home in Jerusalem and all his possessions, travel in the wilderness for a long time where sometimes food was scarce, his older brothers hated him and tried to kill him multiple times. And yet, although Nephi acknowledges that he’s seen many afflictions in the course of his days, in the same breath he says that he has been highly favored of the Lord in all his days. It seems like Nephi has figured it out, how to be grateful even in hard times. Let's keep reading and see if he gives us any clues to this secret. Nephi goes on to say:

yea, having had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God,therefore I make a record of my proceedings in my days. 

• Nephi feels blessed and highly favored of the Lord because of his knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God
• We often think that there are certain things we need in order to feel happy and blessed in our lives: maybe we think we need a nice home, or to get into the college that we want, or to get a certain job that we want, or to get married, or for our kids to behave and make good choices, or for our health to improve
• Nephi is teaching us that it is knowledge of God and His goodness and of eternal truths that brings us peace and hope in the midst of affliction, that allows us to feel greatly blessed, no matter our circumstances. 

How can knowledge of God and His goodness help us in times of trial? 

President Uchtdorf tells us that "Being grateful in our circumstances is an act of faith in God. It requires that we trust God and hope for things we may not see but which are true." He says that "True gratitude is an expression of hope and testimony" (“Grateful in Any Circumstances, Ensign May 2014).

Trusting God is something that I've struggled with a lot in my life. Most recently, this last spring when Ted was getting ready to graduate from USU and was looking for a job, I struggled to trust God in the face of so much change and uncertainty in our future. We had been living in Logan for four years, and I had made a lot of friends and gotten quite comfortable with our life there. I was afraid of having to start over somewhere new where I didn't know anyone. I was pretty sure what I needed to be happy, to live close to people that I loved, and I was afraid that God wasn't going to let me. I didn't feel that I could be grateful unless He did, unless the outcome of Ted's job hunt looked the way I wanted it to look. My struggles with all the changes in my life finally pushed me to humble myself enough to realize that I needed to change the focus of my life. I needed to rely on God and His love to meet my needs, not on other people. When I stopped focusing so much on specific people in my life and my fear of losing them, I was able to see that God had been right there beside me the whole time, but I had been too distracted to notice because I was holding on so tightly to the things I thought I needed to be happy instead of relying on Him and trusting His greater wisdom and knowledge to guide my life. Once I was able to recognize my weakness in this area and work to change and make God and His will the center of my life and trust Him to take care of me, I was able to feel so much more peace.

We are here on earth to gain knowledge and experience and to become like God. For me, the true learning began when I recognized that the way I was going about trying to secure my own happiness was not working. I had a plan, and my plan was not giving me the results I wanted. Realizing that I actually didn't have any idea what I really needed to be happy, that my plan was actually causing me way more suffering than just following God's plan, humbled me enough that I was finally able to say, "Okay, God, you're right. You know best. I thought I knew what I needed to be happy, but I was wrong. I will do things your way. You know what I need to find joy and peace, and I don't. I am ready to accept your plan for my life and trust you to take care of me."

What is it that we actually need to find true joy and peace in our lives? If it isn’t other people or power or possessions, then what is the source of that joy and peace that is available to us even in hard times, when nothing in life seems to be going well? In his famous dream of the Tree of Life, the prophet Lehi finds himself in “a dark and dreary waste” (1 Nephi 8:7). After traveling many hours in darkness, Lehi prays to the Lord for help and relief. It is then that he sees what Lehi describes as “a tree, whose fruit was desirable to make one happy. And it came to pass,” Lehi says, “that I did go forth and partake of the fruit thereof; and I beheld that it was most sweet, above all that I ever before tasted...And as I partook of the fruit thereof it filled my soul with exceedingly great joy…” (1 Nephi 8:10-12). Later we learn that the fruit that Lehi ate represents “the love of God, which sheddeth itself abroad in the hearts of the children of men" and "is the most desirable above all things...and the most joyous to the soul" (1 Nephi 11:21-23). 

God's love - that is the true source of joy and peace. And the great thing is that God's love is something that we can have access to at anytime, no matter what or who else is in our lives. At the time that we make our very first covenant with God, at baptism, our Heavenly Father gives us a great gift, the gift of the Holy Ghost. We learn from Paul in his letter to the Galatians that the fruit of the Spirit includes love, joy and peace (Galatians 5:22). The Holy Ghost helps us feel God's love for us when we are living righteously. Paul also tells us in his letter to the Romans that nothing can separate us from the love of God, not tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword, nor death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature - nothing (Romans 8:35, 38-39). Paul says that "in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us" (Romans 8:37). Jesus Christ and His atonement have the power to heal all of our wounds and to purify us of all our sins and weaknesses. What a great blessing this is, and what a reason to be full of gratitude to a loving and merciful Heavenly Father who will not leave us alone in times of distress and who is willing to forgive us time and time again and has a wonderful plan to help us return to Him and gain eternal joy and peace in His loving presence. 

When we gain a true understanding and testimony of God and His goodness and mercy and love, we are able to trust Him, to know in hard times that He is there to help us and that by following His perfect plan a bright future awaits us, that all our sorrows will ultimately be swallowed up in the love of our Redeemer. We know that God will never give up on us or on our loved ones and that His greatest desire is to bring us all safely home to Him and that He will not rest until He has given us every opportunity to make that choice and achieve that glorious objective. 

At the last General Women’s Meeting, Sister Marriott, the second counselor in the YW presidency, shared an experience where during a struggle in her life she turned to the Lord and was able to have her testimony strengthened and her burden lightened as she came to a greater understanding of herself and of her relationship with the Lord. Sister Marriott recounted:

“Some years ago our family encountered a major challenge. I went to the temple and there prayed earnestly for help. I was given a moment of truth. I received a clear impression of my weaknesses, and I was shocked. In that spiritually instructive moment, I saw a prideful woman doing things her own way, not necessarily the Lord’s way, and privately taking credit for any so-called accomplishment. I knew I was looking at myself. I cried out in my heart to Heavenly Father and said, “I don’t want to be that woman, but how do I change?”

Through the pure spirit of revelation in the temple, I was taught of my utter need for a Redeemer. I turned immediately to the Savior Jesus Christ in my thoughts and felt my anguish melt away and a great hope spring up in my heart. He was my only hope, and I longed to cling only to Him. It was clear to me that a self-absorbed natural woman “is an enemy to God” and to people in her sphere of influence. In the temple that day I learned it was only through the Atonement of Jesus Christ that my prideful nature could change and that I would be enabled to do good. I felt His love keenly, and I knew He would teach me by the Spirit and change me if I gave my heart to Him, holding back nothing.”

Sister Marriott continued, “I still fight my weaknesses, but I trust in the divine help of the Atonement. This pure instruction came because I entered the holy temple, seeking relief and answers. I entered the temple burdened, and I left knowing I had an all-powerful and all-loving Savior. I was lighter and joyful because I had received His light and accepted His plan for me” (“Sharing Your Light,” Ensign November 2014).

Notice in this example that going to the temple did not make the major challenge in the life of Sister Marriott and her family go away. However, recognizing her weaknesses and calling upon Jesus Christ for help to change allowed Sister Marriott to feel God’s love for her and gain confidence in His ability and willingness to help her and her family achieve their divine potential and the eternal joy He desired for them.

When life seems hard and we feel that we are surrounded by darkness and despair, like Lehi in his dream, sometimes it can be really hard to find Christ’s light and God’s love in the darkness. How do we get out of dark emotional places to a place of gratitude?

When we are in dark places, Satan would love for us to stay there. He is the one that gives us feelings of discouragement and despair, tries to convince us that we are worthless and can never change or accomplish anything good and that our lives are terrible and will never get better. Those feelings do not come from the Spirit. You can tell because they do not motivate you to do good, they just paralyze you. The Spirit gives you feelings of hope and faith that you can change and improve with Christ's help and that God is taking care of you and life will get better. I’ve noticed that it's easier to feel the Spirit in my life when I am pushing forward, making goals, and working to make good things happen in my life and in the lives of others, rather than just sitting around contemplating the things in my life that make me sad or that I wish were different. Like Lehi, often we need to call on the Lord for help to find the light in the darkness. 

When I was struggling with all the changes in my life and trying to change my focus and gain a more eternal perspective on things, I prayed to know what my new focus should be in my life. What I had been focusing on hadn’t been working well for me, so I didn’t want to focus on that anymore, but I needed something to replace it with, something that was worthwhile and that I felt good about. I had just recently had my son Sam and quit working, and I needed to know what my life should be about besides nursing and changing diapers. I decided to read my patriarchal blessing with this question in mind: What should I be doing with my life right now? How should I be using my time? It was like God had just been waiting for me to ask that question. As I read my blessing, I received so much inspiration about what things God expected me to accomplish and work on at this time in my life. I received so many ideas about ways I could use my talents to help build God’s kingdom. It was amazing. And as I worked to implement these ideas, I felt God’s love more in my life and gratitude that I could use my strengths to help bless others’ lives in ways that worked well for me during this new stage in my life.

As I mentioned earlier, the main purpose of this life is to learn how to become like God. That's why we're here. No matter what is happening in our lives, if it is helping us to grow and to seek answers and truth and to change and to become better and stronger and to trust in the Lord more deeply and feel His love more strongly, then we are succeeding in obtaining the treasure we came to earth to find. Struggles help us to be humble and to recognize our need for a Savior and to seek to learn the lessons He is trying to teach us. Lots of times we want to say, "Oh, I'm good. I'm as good as I want to be, I've got all the blessings I need, I don't need to learn anything else.” God loves us too much to let us sell ourselves short though. He knows what experiences we need to become who we need to be to qualify for celestial glory, and He will not settle for any less joy than that for His children. He lets us go through hard things because He knows we need those experiences to be purified and molded and shaped into the best people we can be and to receive the greatest amount of joy in the next life and throughout eternity.

Gratitude comes when we recognize our great need for a Savior and come to know personally that He loves us in spite of all our weaknesses and mistakes and that He is willing to forgive us and bless us as we turn to Him and repent and try to change. His great patience with us as we continue to stumble and fall again and again as we try to become better and more like Him is what creates a spirit of gratitude in our hearts.

Adam and Eve felt this great gratitude in their hearts when, after partaking of the forbidden fruit and facing the consequences of their choice of being cast out of the Garden of Eden and out of God’s presence, they were told that their Heavenly Father had prepared a Savior for them who was willing to suffer for their sins and give His life so they could have the opportunity to return to God’s presence and feel His great love for them again. They were eager to make covenants with their Father and live their lives by those covenants for the opportunity to have that great blessing.

Ammon, the son of Mosiah, and the prophet Joseph Smith both have beautiful chapters where they praise God in joyful gratitude for His great mercy and longsuffering towards the children of men and His eagerness to forgive us and bless us and bring us home. 

In Alma 26, starting in verse 11, Ammon says: “...behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.” Jumping down to verse 14: “Yea, we have reason to praise him forever, for he is the Most High God, and has loosed our brethren from the chains of hell. Yea, they were encircled about with everlasting darkness and destruction; but behold, he has brought them into his everlasting light, yea, into everlasting salvation; and they are encircled about with the matchless bounty of his love; yea, and we have been instruments in his hands of doing this great and marvelous work. Therefore, let us glory, yea, we will glory in the Lord; yea, we will rejoice, for our joy is full; yea, we will praise our God forever. Behold, who can glory too much in the Lord? Yea, who can say too much of his great power, and of his mercy, and of his long-suffering towards the children of men? Behold, I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part which I feel. Who could have supposed that our God would have been so merciful as to have snatched us from our awful, sinful, and polluted state? Behold, we went forth even in wrath, with mighty threatenings to destroy his church. Oh then, why did he not consign us to an awful destruction, yea, why did he not let the sword of his justice fall upon us, and doom us to eternal despair?....Behold, he did not exercise his justice upon us, but in his great mercy hath brought us over that everlasting gulf of death and misery, even to the salvation of our souls….Now have we not reason to rejoice? Yea, I say unto you, there never were men that had so great reason to rejoice as we, since the world began; yea, and my joy is carried away, even unto boasting in my God; for he has all power, all wisdom, and all understanding; he comprehendeth all things, and he is a merciful Being, even unto salvation, to those who will repent and believe on his name. Now if this is boasting, even so will I boast; for this is my life and my light, my joy and my salvation, and my redemption from everlasting wo....Now my brethren, we see that God is mindful of every people, whatsoever land they may be in; yea, he numbereth his people, and his bowels of mercy are over all the earth. Now this is my joy, and my great thanksgiving; yea, and I will give thanks unto my God forever. Amen.”

What a beautiful tribute to an all-loving, all-powerful, all-merciful Heavenly Father. Joseph Smith also gives witness to the greatness of our God and His gospel and the great blessing we have to be children of God and to know His plan for us in D&C 128:19, 22-23:

“Now, what do we hear in the gospel which we have received? A voice of gladness! A voice of mercy from heaven; and a voice of truth out of the earth; glad tidings for the dead; a voice of gladness for the living and the dead; glad tidings of great joy. How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of those that bring glad tidings of good things, and that say unto Zion: Behold, thy God reigneth!....Let your hearts rejoice, and be exceedingly glad. Let the earth break forth into singing. Let the dead speak forth anthems of eternal praise to the King Immanuel, who hath ordained, before the world was, that which would enable us to redeem them out of their prison; for the prisoners shall go free. Let the mountains shout for joy, and all ye valleys cry aloud; and all ye seas and dry lands tell the wonders of your Eternal King! And ye rivers, and brooks, and rills, flow down with gladness. Let the woods and all the trees of the field praise the Lord; and ye solid rocks weep for joy! And let the sun, moon, and the morning stars sing together, and let all the sons of God shout for joy! And let the eternal creations declare his name forever and ever! And again I say, how glorious is the voice we hear from heaven, proclaiming in our ears, glory, and salvation, and honor, and immortality, and eternal life; kingdoms, principalities, and powers!”

God’s plan for His children is amazing, and we can be eternally grateful for His love and wisdom and mercy towards us and His great desire to make a glorious future possible for us. This is the difficult part of our journey towards Godhood, but the blessings we will receive as we press forward and endure to the end will be greater than we could ever imagine. Paul tells us in Romans 8:18 “that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”

I know that we have a Heavenly Father who knows and loves each of us dearly and knows what experiences we need to return to live with Him again and have an eternal peace and joy that will never be taken from us. I know that we have a Savior, Jesus Christ, who suffered for all our pain and sins so that we might repent and be forgiven and receive all the blessings God has to bestow on His precious children. I know that we are here on earth to learn, and that the experiences we have will help us become perfected as we turn to the Savior for help and comfort and allow the Spirit to teach us important eternal truths through our sorrows and struggles. I know that we can trust our Father to take care of us and our loved ones, to give us the strength and comfort we need to carry on, and to guide us home to His ever-loving presence. I know that all wrongs in this life can and will be made right through the Atonement and that all wounds will be healed. What a huge blessing this is. My heart is full of gratitude for my Heavenly Father and for my Savior, His Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ. I am grateful for their love and wisdom and mercy and their great patience with me and my weaknesses as I seek to learn and grow and become more like them. I am grateful that They never give up on me, no matter how many times I stumble or fall short. I know that they will take care of me and that they will take care of you. You can trust Them. Give your burdens to the Lord and let Him sustain you during the hard times. Pray for an eternal perspective, to feel joy and peace from the Spirit, and to gain your own testimony that “all things work together for good to them that love God” (Romans 8:28).

D&C 42:61

If thou shalt ask, thou shalt receive revelation upon revelation, knowledge upon knowledge, that thou mayest know the mysteries and peaceable things—that which bringeth joy, that which bringeth life eternal.

And you will always have reason to be grateful and to rejoice. I say these things, in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.

Truth Is Independent of Feelings

Truth is independent of feelings.

This has been a hard-won truth for me. For the last year or so, I have been battling a lot of feelings and emotions that have clouded my vision and kept me from seeing my life and relationships clearly and truthfully. There were times that I felt very loved in certain relationships and times when I felt very unloved. The truth that people loved me remained constant, but sometimes I could feel that love and sometimes I couldn't, but whether I could feel it or not did not change the truth that they loved me, just my ability to perceive it. I had a lot of false beliefs and unrealistic expectations of how someone who loved me would think or feel or speak or act that were causing a disconnect for me between the truth of other people's love for me and my ability to feel that love. Once I worked through a lot of those false ideas, it became so much easier for me to see and feel the truth of other people's love for me. 

This experience has taught me that there is often a disconnect between truth and our feelings, that truth is independent of how we might feel at any given moment. Feelings are real, but they are very often not a reflection of truth. For example, sometimes we might feel that we are of great worth, while at other times we might feel completely worthless. It is not the truth of our innate worth as a person or as a child of God that is flip-flopping from one minute to the next; it is only our ability to feel that we are of worth that is changing. It is the same when we have times when we feel that our life is hopeless; that is a real feeling, but it does not reflect truth. When we push through the hard feelings, we will discover the truth that there is still a lot of hope and joy in our future, especially as we draw on the healing and strength that is available to us through Christ's atonement.

We can explain things in our heads in all sorts of different ways that capture varying amounts of the truth and make us feel all sorts of different ways. It really is a gift from God and an amazing ability God has to see things "as they really are" in an eternal perspective rather than through the variety of lenses we use to see and interpret the world around us here on earth. How we explain things to ourselves is so important because it influences how we feel and how we act. Satan loves for us to believe explanations of the world or of others that lead us to make choices that are destructive to ourselves and/or to others.

Our underlying beliefs and thought patterns cannot change truth, but they can have a huge effect on how we feel. I think a lot of God's counsel and teachings are to help us see our life, circumstances and relationships in a more eternal, truthful way. For example, when someone does or says something that hurts us, we can choose to dwell on that temporary hurt and see and treat that person as that one action (a very incomplete and untruthful image of anyone) and ourselves as a victim of that action, or we can choose to follow God's commandment and forgive that person and let go of the hurt and focus instead on the eternal truth that Christ paid for both their unChristlike action and the pain we experienced because of it and because of that that person can learn and change and be forgiven and we can be healed of the hurt their imperfections caused us. 

I feel like in today’s world, we tend to put a lot of emphasis on people's feelings determining who they are or what truth is, and I think this is a very dangerous trend that is drawing people further and further away from eternal truths. Society seems to be subscribing more and more to the philosophy, “if it doesn’t feel good, don’t do it. If it feels good, do it.” If you aren’t feeling fulfilled in your marriage, then get out. If you love someone and want to have sex with them, then do it. If trying to keep God’s commandments is hard and makes you feel bad or guilty sometimes, then stop trying. God loves you and wants you to feel happy all the time, so if trying to keep His commandments doesn’t make you feel happy, then you don’t need to worry about them; they obviously don’t apply to you. God will love you no matter what you do. Do what feels good to you and makes you happy.

Satan is so good at twisting truth. Of course God wants you to be happy. Of course God will love you no matter what you do. But there is more to it than that. God’s goal is not for you just to be happy in the moment: God’s goal is for you to have the maximum amount of joy possible for eternity. God will love you no matter what you do, but He also knows that some actions you choose will lead you to the eternal joy He wants for you and some actions you choose will not. His love for you and His desire for your eternal happiness is what leads Him to give His children commandments, to tell them the truth about what choices they need to make to achieve their divine potential, become like Him and enjoy the joy and peace He enjoys. The truth is that some things that will bring us eternal joy can also be very, very difficult and cause us a lot of heartache, discomfort and suffering in the moment. That’s where faith comes in.

God’s knowledge of eternal truths is much, much greater than ours. We are blinded in many ways by the fallen world we live in and the feelings and temptations that come with imperfect, mortal bodies. Many of our natural inclinations and feelings do not align with eternal truths. Our job here on earth is to learn to master our bodies and the thoughts and emotions that come with them, not just let them sweep us along here or there. We have the power to determine our destiny, what we do and who we become, and God teaches us how to use that power wisely. 

It takes a lot of faith and trust in God to follow His words when it goes against how we are feeling. When someone hurts us, turning the other cheek is not what we feel like doing. Neither is loving, blessing, doing good to, or praying for people who curse, hate, or persecute us. But God asks us to master our emotions and act in a Christlike manner towards all of His children, no matter how they choose to treat us at any given moment. He knows the eternal truth that each person is His child with the potential to become like Him, no matter how far they still have to go to get there. Through Christ’s atonement, all God’s children can repent and change, no matter how many mistakes they have made on their mortal journey or how many people they have hurt. The atonement paid for all that, and God asks us to treat all of His children with love and forgiveness as they grow and learn, one small step at a time, doing all sorts of wrongs in the meantime that they have no way of making right, but that Christ has chosen to take on Himself so that He can give forgiveness and relief from sins and their consequences to all who choose to follow Him and accept the gift of His atonement.

Our innate worth and divine potential as children of God is real and eternal, no matter how we feel about ourselves or how others may feel about us at any given moment. God has also revealed that “Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose” and that “the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the Word” https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng). Whatever our feelings may be, these are real and eternal truths that God has revealed to His prophets to help us clearly understand His plan for His children and what choices and actions will allow us to reach our divine potential and help others reach theirs. The blessings that come from keeping God's commandments are real and eternal, whether it feels difficult to keep them or not.

Only God is able to see all things as they truly were, are and will be, which is why He asks us to trust Him and submit to His will, even when our feelings make us want to make other choices. When we humble ourselves, trust God, and strive to align our will with His, praying to see things as He sees them, and committing to act according to our knowledge of the truths He has and will reveal to us personally or through His prophets, we will be able to see through the dark swirling mists of our unhelpful feelings to the light and truth He has to show us. And once we see things in the more truthful light of God's eternal perspective, then we will feel the feelings of peace, love and joy that come when we have the Holy Ghost with us.

I can testify from personal experience that your feelings and perspective change as you become converted unto the Lord and become one with Him. It can be a very slow, grueling process, with many setbacks and many false beliefs to discover and tackle one by one, each with tons of unhelpful, excruciating feelings attached that make it so hard to see and hold on to the truth. When you keep pressing on in your pursuit of truth and don't give up though, God will continue to teach you "line upon line and precept upon precept, here a little and there a little," as you are prepared to receive it. 

I am so grateful for those who have been kind and patient and forgiving with me as I have gone through my learning processes, and I hope to be able to extend the same love, kindness, and compassion to others as they wrestle with their own painful emotions and false beliefs, seeking truth. I know God is there to help each of us on each step of our journey back to Him and that He will never give up on us, no matter how long it takes us to come to trust Him and make the tough sacrifices He asks us to make so that we can become like Him and receive the blessings He is eagerly waiting to shower upon us. The cool thing is, that the things we think we have to have to be happy that God is asking us to give up (these are different for each person) are actually not the key to our happiness at all. God knows the key, and when we trust Him enough to do what He asks even when it's hard, we will discover that He was right all along and that the sacrifices we make that we thought meant giving up happiness actually open the door to true, lasting happiness and peace. 

I am so grateful for a kind, wise Heavenly Father who is so patient with me as I make mistakes, learn, and slowly come to trust Him and for His willingness to help me replace my false beliefs and the painful emotions that come with them with truths that bring increased peace and joy into my life.

Easter Message: The Act and Purpose of Crying Repentance

I've been thinking about repentance, and more specifically about the act of calling people to repentance. Prophets do that a lot in the scriptures, as did Christ when He was on the earth, as did His apostles then, and as do His prophet and apostles on the earth today. All disciples of Christ, in fact, have a responsibility to teach and bear witness of Christ and of the truth of His gospel and to invite people to come unto Christ and repent.

Most of the time, we tend to focus on the wrong part of the process of calling people to repentance. We get all hung up on the fact that someone is telling us or others that they are doing something wrong. The only thing we see is that we are being judged and condemned.

The whole point of telling people they are doing something wrong is not to condemn them. The whole point in telling them is so they can change and start making choices that will bring them greater peace and happiness. If God's goal was to condemn us, He would just let us keep making bad choices and not bother telling us which choices would actually make us the most happy in the long-term. He wants us to be happy and achieve our greatest potential though. That's the whole reason He sends prophets and apostles to teach us and why He sent His Son to perform the atonement: so we can change. So we can repent and be forgiven and make the choices that will allow us to become like God and return to His presence and partake of the same eternal joy and increase that He enjoys.

There are so many good examples in the scriptures of God trying to teach people this concept. Take the story of Cain, for example. Cain and his brother Abel both offer God a sacrifice. Abel's sacrifice follows the laws of sacrifice that God taught to Adam and Eve and is accepted. Cain's sacrifice does not follow the laws of sacrifice laid down by the Lord and is rejected. Cain gets upset that his offering was not accepted. This is the Lord's response to Cain:

Genesis 4:6-7 (Bible, King James version)
6 And the Lord said unto Cain, Why art thou wroth? and why is thy countenance fallen?
7 If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door.”

God explains to Cain that getting all upset about having his offering rejected is unnecessary and even counterproductive. All he needs to do is change and do well, follow the Lord’s instructions, and his offering will be accepted. God’s response to his imperfect offering is an opportunity to learn and change, not a punishment or evidence that God is playing favorites. God is teaching His son Cain about choices and consequences. Cain has control over what choices he makes, but he does not have control over the consequences of those choices. God wants to make sure Cain clearly understands the consequences that come with each choice, which choices have good consequences and which choices have bad consequences, so he can choose wisely. He also wants Cain to know that if he makes a wrong choice, all is not lost; all he needs to do is change and make a better choice the next time.

That's the message of Easter. It is a joyful message that, thanks to Christ's atonement, all is not lost, no matter what we have done or how many poor choices we have made. God doesn't care how long it takes us to learn to choose well. All He cares about is that we start heading in the right direction now.

The Lord teaches this concept again in the Old Testament to the prophet Ezekial.

Ezekial 18:20-32 (Bible, King James version)
20 The soul that sinneth, it shall die. The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son: the righteousness of the righteous shall be upon him, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon him.
21 But if the wicked will turn from all his sins that he hath committed, and keep all my statutes, and do that which is lawful and right, he shall surely live, he shall not die.
22 All his transgressions that he hath committed, they shall not be mentioned unto him: in his righteousness that he hath done he shall live.
23 Have I any pleasure at all that the wicked should die? saith the Lord God: and not that he should return from his ways, and live?
24 But when the righteous turneth away from his righteousness, and committeth iniquity, and doeth according to all the abominations that the wicked man doeth, shall he live? All his righteousness that he hath done shall not be mentioned: in his trespass that he hath trespassed, and in his sin that he hath sinned, in them shall he die.
25 Yet ye say, The way of the Lord is not equal. Hear now, O house of Israel; Is not my way equal? are not your ways unequal?
26 When a righteous man turneth away from his righteousness, and committeth iniquity, and dieth in them; for his iniquity that he hath done shall he die.
27 Again, when the wicked man turneth away from his wickedness that he hath committed, and doeth that which is lawful and right, he shall save his soul alive.
28 Because he considereth, and turneth away from all his transgressions that he hath committed, he shall surely live, he shall not die.
29 Yet saith the house of Israel, The way of the Lord is not equal. O house of Israel, are not my ways equal? are not your ways unequal?
30 Therefore I will judge you, O house of Israel, every one according to his ways, saith the Lord God. Repent, and turn yourselves from all your transgressions; so iniquity shall not be your ruin.
31 Cast away from you all your transgressions, whereby ye have transgressed; and make you a new heart and a new spirit: for why will ye die, O house of Israel?
32 For I have no pleasure in the death of him that dieth, saith the Lord God: wherefore turn yourselves, and live ye.

The Lord is again explaining the consequences of righteous choices versus wicked choices, between choices that will ultimately bring us eternal joy and choices that will ultimately bring us sorrow, regret and misery. The Lord emphasizes the point that He takes no pleasure in the death or separation from Him of His children who choose poorly. His greatest desire is for them to repent, change, and start making good choices so that they can live with Him again in eternal joy. He asks His children, why will ye die? Why do you insist on making choices that will not bring you happiness? I do not choose that for you. I have no desire for you to have negative consequences. That's why I send my prophets to teach you and my Son to atone for you. I want life and happiness for you. Please repent and choose well and come back to me. I leave you the choice, but I will do everything in my power to give you the opportunity to make the choice to do well and come home to me.

It is not God's desire to condemn His children that motivates Him to send prophets and missionaries to call people to repentance; it is His desire to extend mercy to His children that motivates Him. He wants all of His children to clearly understand the consequences of the choices they are making so that they have the power to choose wisely. He also wants them to know the joyful message that through the suffering and sacrifice of His perfect Son, they have the opportunity to be washed clean from past sins and mistakes and the power to change and become like God and partake of eternal joy with Him. That is the glorious message of Easter. Christ lives, and so can we. The choice is ours. May we listen to the voices of God's messengers and choose wisely. I leave you this Easter message in the name of our Savior, Jesus Christ, amen.

P.S. This year, Easter weekend is the same weekend as the semi-annual General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, when the current prophet and 12 apostles chosen by Jesus Christ to lead His church in our day will speak and give us counsel and direction they have received from the Lord through His Spirit. Stream it for free on lds.org on Saturday and Easter Sunday! There will be many great messages about the Savior and how we can apply His teachings in our lives! The meetings are at 10AM and 2PM MST both Saturday and Sunday. Recordings of the meetings will also be available afterwards if you don't catch them live. Happy Easter!

Easter Sunday and My Thoughts on the Savior

I finally decided to join the blog world. The inspiration I received on Sunday about the Savior finally made me decide I needed a place to share these kinds of thoughts and inspiration.

Sunday was Easter. Easter is the time when we celebrate the Savior's Atonement and Resurrection. Lately I've been trying to come to know the Savior better and to feel His love more fully in my life. Intellectually, I know Jesus Christ was and is an amazing man. I know that He is the Son of God, and that He loves all of God's children so much that He was willing to suffer and to die to give us all a chance to repent and be forgiven of our sins so we can return to live with our Heavenly Father again. 

I know these things, but often I have a difficult time internalizing this knowledge and feeling the appropriate amount of gratitude and love for my Savior. I know what He did was great and I'm grateful, but it's hard for me to wrap my head around who He is and what He did and to feel all the implications of that deep down in my heart. It's hard to really know and love someone and feel their love in return when you can't spend time with that person, at least for me.

So I've been praying to have a better understanding of my relationship with the Savior and to feel His love more in my life, to be able to really give Him "all [my] heart, might, mind and strength." The talks in church on Sunday were focused on Christ and the Atonement in honor of Easter, and I got some good ideas from those on how to work on building a personal relationship with the Savior. Then, on our drive back to Logan (we were down in Utah County visiting family for Easter weekend), we listened to the song "I Can Only Imagine" by MercyMe. Here are the lyrics to the first verse and the chorus, in case you don't know it:

I can only imagine 

What it will be like 

When I walk 

By your side 

I can only imagine 

What my eyes will see 

When your face 

Is before me 

I can only imagine 

[Chorus:]

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel 

Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still 

Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall 

Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all 

I can only imagine 

I've always loved this song, but this time as I listened to it, I really started to ponder how I might react when I am in Christ's presence again, how I would want that meeting to go. As I pondered, I suddenly saw this image of myself giving Christ a big hug and saying, "I missed you so much!" 

This image of our reunion gave me a new perspective on my relationship with the Savior. It made me realize that it's very likely that I did have a close, personal relationship with Jesus Christ before this life, that we would have known each other well as members of the same family, God's family, and that we would have talked and spent time together. He loves me because He knows me personally, His younger sister. I already have a close relationship with Him, I just can't remember it right now. He and I are just in the "interruption" stage of our relationship, as President Dieter F. Uchtdorf discussed in his recent General Conference address (https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/grateful-in-any-circumstances?lang=eng), but that doesn't make the relationship any less real, and someday when I see Him again I will remember. So, rather than try to build a relationship with someone I can't see, I'm just trying to remember a relationship I already have.

It makes the Savior seem so much more real to me to imagine Him as a dear friend that I am currently parted from but who still loves me and whom I will see again. When I see Him again, I will tell Him how much I missed Him and how grateful I am that He never gave up on me despite my sins and weaknesses, but that He did what was necessary to rescue me and to bring me back home to live with Him and with my Heavenly Father once again. What a glorious day that will be! Happy Easter everyone!