There Is No Peace to the Wicked

During my scripture reading this week, I came across Isaiah 57:21, which says,

“There is no peace, saith my God, to the wicked.”

I would like to testify of the truthfulness of these words.

I think sometimes we use the terms “wicked” and “righteous” in an us versus them kind of way. We, the righteous followers of Christ, versus them, the wicked people of the world. I think that’s a very simplistic view. Every child of God on the earth does some things that are righteous and some things that are wicked. All disciples of Christ act in wickedness at least some of the time, and all people who don’t consider themselves followers of Christ act righteously in plenty of areas of their lives. It’s not as simple as righteous people versus wicked people—we are all a messy mix of both. And for all of us, our wickedness often comes not from a desire to do wickedness, but from good intentions that result in wickedness due to a lack of knowledge. Whether we realize we’re acting in wickedness or not, our acts of wickedness cannot bring peace, no matter how well-intentioned or justified we may feel those actions are.

For the purposes of our discussion today, we’re going to assume that the term “wicked” or “wickedness” simply means not in line with God and His love. I don’t want people getting hung up on the strong negative connotation of the word and using that to justify the small ways that they are not acting righteously. Thinking, what I do isn’t that bad compared to someone who murders people, for example. Such comparisons and trivializing of your own wicked acts is not going to serve you. Any level of wickedness, of not being in line with God and His love, is going to interfere with your peace. And I don’t know about you, but I’m always looking for more peace in my life.

I’ve noticed in my own life that when my peace is replaced by negative emotions such as fear or anxiety, it’s usually because I’m trying to control things that are outside of my control. And often what I’m trying to control is other people and their choices. That’s the wickedness that is stealing my peace. God gave all of His children agency—the ability to choose for themselves and to learn and grow through the act of making their own choices. When I try to control other people and their choices to make myself feel better, I am trying to implement Satan’s plan instead of God’s, and it doesn’t feel good. It hurts me, and it hurts my relationships with others. I’m operating from a place of fear and judgment instead of from a place of love and trust, and this is not God’s way. And it does not bring peace, no matter how well-intentioned my efforts to manipulate others into making the choices I want them to make are.

Back when I was emotionally dependent on other people, I dedicated a lot of time and effort to loving and serving others—especially those that I was emotionally dependent on. 1 John 4:18 claims, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.” I knew something was up, because I was full of fear. I kept trying to figure out how to achieve this perfect love that was without fear, without torment, but I couldn’t figure it out. All my good intentions of loving and serving others weren’t producing the desired results because I lacked knowledge. I couldn’t see the wickedness I was doing that was keeping me from perfect love and peace. How could loving and serving other people have any wickedness in it?

But mine did. What I was calling love was all mixed up with things that weren’t love at all. I read a description of someone who serves with strings attached, trying to earn love, acceptance, a sense of security, etc. through their service, and I knew it was me. I couldn’t find any peace in my relationships because I was trying to control how other people felt about me instead of just loving me and loving them and letting them make their own choices about how they wanted to feel about me and how much time/effort they felt good about investing in our relationship. I wasn’t truly seeing and loving them as they were and caring about what was best for them; I was trying to get them to love and take care of me so I could feel good about myself and my life. I was trying to get them to create purpose for me, rather than creating purpose for myself. And it wasn’t working. They were feeling suffocated by my neediness, and no matter how much love and attention they gave me, I was still a bottomless pit of need that could never be filled. They couldn’t save me, no matter how much they or I wanted them to be able to, and the wickedness of trusting in the arm of flesh to do that for me instead of the Savior was robbing me of peace.

When I could finally see what I was doing that was hurting me and my relationships, I could finally take steps towards abandoning my wicked practices and replacing them with that perfect love that casteth out fear. It really did require a whole new understanding of what true Christlike love is, built up arduously line upon line, precept upon precept, over many months and years. The process of changing an entire erroneous mindset and pattern of relating to others is brutal. At least it was for me. So many tears. Feeling like the emotional pain I was experiencing would never go away.

But then one day it did. One day I realized that I could remember the negative emotions I used to feel in certain situations, but I didn’t feel them anymore. I had been healed. My heart had been changed. My torment had been replaced with peace. The knowledge I had gained had finally allowed me to replace my wicked practices with more righteous ones, and I was reaping the benefits of thinking and acting in ways that were more in line with God and His love. And I felt so much more peace. And joy. It was always there for me, but I was blocking it by living in ways that were incompatible with joy and peace. I had learned for myself that “there is no peace…to the wicked,” even when you’re sinning in ignorance. That’s why we can’t be saved in ignorance. It’s becoming a person capable of understanding and living in line with divine love and truth that makes the incredible joy and peace of exaltation possible. God wants to give us all the blessings He has, but He can only give us as much as we are able and willing to receive. What we are able to receive is limited by our ability to apply righteous principles in our lives and abandon wicked ones that lead to misery rather than peace.

Do you need more peace in your life? Pray. Study the scriptures. Study the words of other wise men and women who can help you see where you might be getting tripped up with wicked practices that you can’t see yet. Ask the question, “Lord, is it I?”, and listen for His answer. In what ways are you blocking your own peace? It takes a lot of courage to face our own sins and weaknesses, but I can testify that that is the path to peace. It’s in changing ourselves, not others, that we will find the peace we seek. I testify of these things, in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, amen.

Love and Service Redefined

When encouraged to list their strengths, I have often heard women say things like “I am selfless to a fault” or “I would do anything for anybody.” I also used to think being willing to make huge sacrifices to help others at any moment with any need they had was a virtue. 

Statements like this make me cringe a little now though. What I hear in them is an inability/unwillingness to set healthy boundaries—a problem I definitely used to struggle with in certain relationships. I really thought my unwillingness to set boundaries around what I was willing to sacrifice to help these friends and family members was a positive thing about me that made me an especially good friend. In reality, it was a method I was using to try to control these relationships and ensure that those friends/family members would keep loving me and be willing to help me when I was in need. Subconsciously, I was trying to control their opinions of me and obligate their love and service, rather than allowing them to make their own choices about how much love and service they wanted or were able to offer me. 

The problem with over-sacrificing and not setting healthy boundaries is it sets us up to have a victim mentality and actually breeds resentment that hurts our relationships. The person over-sacrificing feels resentful that others don’t seem to be willing to make the same level of sacrifice to help them. Those they are sacrificing to help can feel the underlying expectation that if they are a good person/friend they will also drop everything in their life to meet the other person’s needs, even when that may not be in their best interest. This implied obligation to prove their love in a similar way can also create resentment. 

The idea of sacrificing all our own needs to meet others’ needs is often held up as a standard of excellence in our society, perhaps especially in religious circles. After all, didn’t Christ sacrifice everything for us? And aren’t we supposed to follow His example? 

Perhaps the distinction here is that we’re supposed to be willing to sacrifice everything to follow God’s will. He’s the one we’re commanded to give all our heart, might, mind and strength to. Why? Because He knows what sacrifices will bless us. 

The commandment regarding other people is to love other people as ourselves. Not more than ourselves, and not less than ourselves. As ourselves. Our needs are just as valid as the needs of any other person. We should be very wise about the love and service we offer to ensure we are not undermining our own needs in the process, because in the long run that will neither bless us nor the person we are serving. Other people are not God—they do not know what sacrifices will bless us and what sacrifices will overburden us and make us unable to care for ourselves and our own stewardships. We are responsible for using our agency to make those calls, and we should not give that responsibility away to others. 

Those are just some thoughts I was having today that I wanted to share. May we all be wise in how we choose to love and serve that our love and service might truly be a blessing to us and to those we serve.

Lessons I Learned at General Conference April 2016

I just wanted to share some of my favorite quotes from this last General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that was held at the beginning of this month. You can find the full text of all the different talks that were given at https://www.lds.org/general-conference?cid=HP14GC&lang=eng. I’ve grouped the quotes into four different general messages or lessons that I got from the Conference that were important to me personally.

Lesson #1: My Role as a Mother

Cheryl A. Esplin (“He Asks Us to Be His Hands”)

• “Unless we lose ourselves in service to others, there is little purpose to our own lives” (President Monson).

• “Don’t think of your task as a burden; think of it as an opportunity to learn what love really is” (Lola B. Walters).

Neill F. Marriott (“What Shall We Do?”)

• “We build the kingdom when we nurture others.”

• “Love is making space in your life for someone else” (including children)

• “Becoming a builder of the kingdom require[s] selfless sacrifice.”

• “All of us need a spiritual and physical place of belonging. We…can create this [place of belonging for others].”

M. Russell Ballard (“Family Councils”)

• “Children desperately need parents willing to listen to them.”

• “A family council that is patterned after the councils in heaven, filled with Christlike love, and guided by the Lord’s Spirit will help us to protect our family…from the evils of the world.”

Dieter F. Uchtdorf (“In Praise of Those Who Save”)

• D&C 64:33: “Be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.”

• “Whatever problems your family is facing, whatever you must do to solve them, the beginning and the end of the solution is charity, the pure love of Christ.”

D. Todd Christofferson (“Fathers”)

• “The perfect, divine expression of fatherhood is our Heavenly Father….His work and glory are the development, happiness, and eternal life of His children.”

• “Perhaps the most essential of a father’s [or mother’s] work is to turn the hearts of his children to their Heavenly Father. If by his example as well as his words a father can demonstrate what fidelity to God looks like in day-to-day living, that father will have given his children the key to peace in this life and eternal life in the world to come.”

• “A father [or mother] who reads scripture to and with his children acquaints them with the voice of the Lord.”

• D&C 68:25, 28: “And again, inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents. …And they shall also teach their children to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord.”

• Psalms 78:5-7: “For he established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children: That the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should [then] arise and declare them to their children: That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments.”

• “When a father [or mother] provides correction, his motivation must be love and his guide the Holy Spirit.”

• “Discipline in the divine pattern is not so much about punishing as it is about helping a loved one along the path of self-mastery.”

• Mosiah 4:14-15: “Ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another. …But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another.”

• “Let us lay aside the exaggerated notions of individualism and autonomy in today’s culture and think first of the happiness and well-being of others.”

• “Despite our inadequacies, our Heavenly Father will magnify us and cause our simple efforts to bear fruit.”

Lesson #2: How to Draw Closer to the Lord and Seek His Help and Support in Trying Times

Henry B. Eyring (“Where Two or Three Are Gathered”)

• D&C 88:63: “Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.”

Dale G. Renlund (“That I Might Draw All Men Unto Me”)

• “The greater the distance between the giver and the receiver, the more the receiver develops a sense of entitlement” (Wilford W. Andersen).

• “Our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, are the ultimate Givers. The more we distance ourselves from Them, the more entitled we feel. We begin to think that we deserve grace and are owed blessings. We are more prone to look around, identify inequities, and feel aggrieved—even offended—by the unfairness we perceive…when we are distant from God, even small inequities loom large.”

• “The closer we are to Jesus Christ in the thoughts and intents of our hearts, the more we appreciate His innocent suffering, the more grateful we are for grace and forgiveness, and the more we want to repent and become like Him.”

• “The best way I know of to draw closer to God is to prepare conscientiously and partake worthily of the sacrament each week.”

• “The sacrament truly helps us know our Savior. It also reminds us of His innocent suffering. If life were truly fair, you and I would never be resurrected; you and I would never be able to stand clean before God.”

• “Through God’s compassion, kindness, and love, we will all receive more than we deserve, more than we can ever earn, and more than we can ever hope for.”

Ronald A. Rasband (“Standing with the Leaders of the Church”)

• D&C 68:6: “Be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you.”

• “I have needed the Savior and the rescue of His hand so many times….I have felt confident at times leaping over the side of the boat…into unfamiliar places, only to realize I could not do it alone.”

David A. Bednar (“Always Retain a Remission of Your Sins”)

• “Being born again, comes by the Spirit of God through ordinances” (Joseph Smith).

• “Holy ordinances are central in the Savior’s gospel and in the process of coming unto Him and seeking spiritual rebirth. Ordinances are sacred acts that have spiritual purpose, eternal significance, and are related to God’s laws and statutes.”

• “The ordinances of salvation and exaltation administered in the Lord’s restored Church are far more than rituals or symbolic performances. Rather, they constitute authorized channels through which the blessings and powers of heaven can flow into our individual lives.”

• D&C 84:19-21: “And this greater priesthood administereth the gospel and holdeth the key of the mysteries of the kingdom, even the key of the knowledge of God. Therefore, in the ordinances thereof, the power of godliness is manifest. And without the ordinances thereof, and the authority of the priesthood, the power of godliness is not manifest unto men in the flesh.”

• 3 Nephi 27:20: “Now this is the commandment: Repent, all ye ends of the earth, and come unto me and be baptized in my name, that ye may be sanctified by the reception of the Holy Ghost, that ye may stand spotless before me at the last day.”

• D&C 59:9: “And that thou mayest more fully keep thyself unspotted from the world, thou shalt go to the house of prayer and offer up thy sacraments upon my holy day.”

• Moroni 4:3: “O God, the Eternal Father, we ask thee in the name of thy Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this bread to the souls of all those who partake of it; that they may eat in remembrance of the body of thy Son, and witness unto thee, O God, the Eternal Father, that they are willing to take upon them the name of thy Son, and always remember him, and keep his commandments which he hath given them, that they may always have his Spirit to be with them. Amen.”

W. Christopher Waddell (“A Pattern for Peace”)

• “Peace of mind, peace of conscience, and peace of heart are not determined by our ability to avoid trials, sorrow, or heartache.”

• “In our search for peace amidst the daily challenges of life, we’ve been given a simple pattern to keep our thoughts focused on the Savior, who said: ‘Learn of me, and listen to my words; walk in the meekness of my Spirit, and you shall have peace in me’ (D&C 19:23).”

• Isaiah 2:3: “Come ye, and let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the God of Jacob; and he will teach us of his ways.”

• “A key difference between those who were ashamed, fell away, and were lost and those who did not heed the mocking from the building and stood with the prophet is found in two phrases: first, ‘after they had tasted,’ and second, ‘those that were partaking’ (1 Nephi 8:26-28, 33).”

Dieter F. Uchtdorf (“He Will Place You on His Shoulders and Carry You Home”)

• “Obedience is the lifeblood of faith. It is by obedience that we gather light into our souls.”

• “God sees us as we truly are--and He sees us worthy of rescue.”

Jeffrey R. Holland (“Tomorrow the Lord Will Do Wonders Among You”)

• “The Lord blesses those who want to improve, who accept the need for commandments and try to keep them, who cherish Christlike virtues and strive to the best of their ability to acquire them. If you stumble in that pursuit, so does everyone; the Savior is there to help you keep going.”

• D&C 11:8: “Verily, verily, I say unto you, even as you desire of me so it shall be done unto you; and, if you desire, you shall be the means of doing much good in this generation.”

• “My brothers and sisters, the first great commandment of all eternity is to love God with all of our heart, might, mind, and strength—that’s the first great commandment. But the first great truth of all eternity is that God loves us with all of His heart, might, mind, and strength. That love is the foundation stone of eternity, and it should be the foundation stone of our daily life. Indeed it is only with that reassurance burning in our soul that we can have the confidence to keep trying to improve, keep seeking forgiveness for our sins, and keep extending that grace to our neighbor.”

• “No matter how serious the trial, how deep the distress, how great the affliction, [God] will never desert us. He never has, and He never will” (George Q. Cannon).

• Isaiah 40:28-31: Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Lesson #3: How to Keep My Marriage and Other Relationships Strong

Kevin R. Duncan (“The Healing Ointment of Forgiveness”)

• “An unforgiving heart harbors so much needless pain.”

• D&C 82:23: “Leave judgment alone with me, for it is mine and I will repay. Peace be with you; my blessings continue with you.”

• “God sees people not only as they currently are but also as they may become.”

Dieter F. Uchtdorf (“In Praise of Those Who Save”)

• “Strong marriage and family relationships…require constant, intentional work.”

• “Great marriages are built brick by brick, day after day, over a lifetime.”

• “Those who save marriages pull out the weeds and water the flowers.”

• “Whatever problems your family is facing, whatever you must do to solve them, the beginning and the end of the solution is charity, the pure love of Christ.”

• “The great enemy of charity is pride.”

• “Pride assumes evil intent where there is none.”

• “Even when you are not at fault—perhaps especially when you are not at fault—let love conquer pride.”

Lesson #4: General Words of Wisdom

Donald L. Hallstrom (“I Am a Child of God”)

• “You can have what you want, or you can have something better” (Jeffrey R. Holland).

Dieter F. Uchtdorf (“In Praise of Those Who Save”)

• “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be” (Abraham Lincoln)