Some Thoughts on Charity, the Pure Love of Christ

I gave a talk on charity at church a week ago, and I thought some of the thoughts I shared in that talk would be worth sharing here.

Thought #1: Our love for others should not be conditional on their behavior or treatment of us/others

Scripture: Matthew 5:43-48
43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.
44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?
47 And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?
48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

Discussion: We find all sorts of ways to justify treating others unkindly, and the voice of society often backs us up, agreeing that so-and-so deserves harsh or unkind treatment because of this, this, and this. “Bad” people do not deserve love or kindness. Jesus Christ disagrees. In this scripture, Jesus strips away the validity of all of our excuses for unkind treatment of others. We are NEVER justified. We must love, forgive, pray for, and be kind to EVERYONE, regardless of what they have done or how they might have treated us or others. EVERYONE is a child of God with potential for good, whatever you might think of them or however they may currently be using their agency. Love, kindness, and forgiveness are always called for.

Quote: Marvin J. Ashton, April 1992 General Conference
“Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don't judge or categorize someone else; when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet.

Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn't handle something the way we might have hoped.

Charity is refusing to take advantage of another's weaknesses and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other.”

Personal Experience: This quote was really helpful for me in a situation with a friend a few years ago when I was starting to feel like a victim. I needed to be reminded to be patient and kind and willing to forgive and give her the benefit of the doubt. I also needed to try to see things from her point-of-view.

Discussion: Have you ever noticed that when you start feeling like a victim your love and compassion for the other person decreases, and you can only see how their actions are affecting you? You kind of start seeing them in this one-dimensional way—as someone who is hurting you—instead of a 3-dimensional person with their own concerns and hardships and struggles. It’s hard to see other people in a true, charitable way when we get into that victim mindset.

Thought #2: What does giving someone the benefit of the doubt or expecting the best of each other look like?

Discussion: I think an important part of that whole giving someone the benefit of the doubt idea is going off the assumption that people care about you and are not trying to hurt you.

Quote: President Uchtdorf, April 2016 General Conference
“The great enemy of charity is pride.”
“Pride assumes evil intent where there is none.”

Discussion: I think this whole assuming evil intent where there is none happens way too often in our society today. However, even when people do not have evil intent, they still manage to say and do all sorts of things that we may find hurtful or unhelpful. So what should we do when someone hurts us or does not handle something in the way we might have hoped? Obviously we are commanded to forgive them. But if we are assuming that their intention was to help us, not hurt us, but the way they showed their love and concern for us was not helpful, don’t you think that if they truly care about us that they would appreciate us letting them know that their attempt to help us was unsuccessful and that something else would actually be more helpful to us? I think we often shy away from those kinds of honest conversations, preferring to silently resent the infraction or complain about that person’s behavior to someone else. But I would submit that if we want to show true charity to someone, we need to be honest with them—in a kind, loving way, not a harsh, accusatory way—and give them the opportunity to apologize and change and show their love to us in a more helpful way. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt means assuming that if they had known what would be most helpful to us that’s what they would have done; rather than punishing others for not yet being omniscient like our Heavenly Father, we need to take responsibility for communicating honestly and giving them the information they need to love and serve us in the way that is most helpful to us. In this way we both have the opportunity to learn and grow together in knowledge and love.

Personal Experience: I am a particular fan of this type of honest communication because it changed my life. That same friend I mentioned earlier, it was a good thing the Spirit kept reminding me to treat her with charity through that Marvin J. Ashton quote, because it turned out that she was also feeling like a victim because of weaknesses I had that were hurting her. When she finally chose to communicate honestly with me about my weaknesses and the negative effects they were having on her, I had the opportunity to see myself more truthfully, apologize, and change. Having someone point out your weaknesses to you is never a pleasant experience—in fact it was extremely painful—I shed many, many tears—but in the end I was so grateful to her for helping me see my weaknesses more clearly so that I could change and become better. Change was slow and difficult, but through the process I came to know my Savior more intimately and to trust Him more completely, and He truly changed my heart. I am a different person now than I was before, and the changes I’ve made have brought so much more peace and joy into my life. My friend showed her love for me by communicating honestly with me and then forgiving me and continuing to show me love and friendship as I worked to change. We are both better for the experience and our friendship has been strengthened through it.

Thought #3: Sometimes God shows His love for us by chastening us

Scripture: Hebrews 12:6
“For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth.”

Discussion: This statement sounds so counterintuitive, doesn’t it? Why would you chasten someone you love?

Scripture: Hebrews 12:10
“[The Lord chastens us] for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.”

Discussion: The Lord knows that we cannot become like Him and receive all that He wants to give us without being corrected when we make choices that are not in line with eternal truths. To become like God we must be stretched out of our comfort zones, put off the natural man, and reach for higher things. We must be willing to sacrifice all things for the Lord, because it is only through discipleship to Him that we can receive a fullness of joy. Our Heavenly Father loves us too much to let us settle for less than the fullness of joy He desires for us.

Scripture: Hebrews12:11
“Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.”

Discussion: I definitely learned this through my experience with my friend. It is so hard to be called out on our weaknesses and be told we need to change, isn’t it? That’s why it’s so important to:

Scripture: D&C 121:43
“[show] forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy”

Discussion: This is such an important part of chastening, when we feel impressed by the Spirit to do so. We must always chasten others out of a place of love, and then show them a ton of love afterwards to assure them that we were acting out of love for them, not anger or annoyance or hatred towards them. When we humbly and gratefully accept divine chastening and work to change, we will be abundantly blessed. I can personally testify of that.

Thought #4: Sometimes God shows His love for us by asking us to do hard things

Scripture: John 15:12
12 This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.

Discussion: The verses leading up to this verse give us more insight into what Christ means when He asks us to love one another as He has loved us. (I think I may have discussed this scripture and my thoughts about it in a previous blog post, but I’ll go ahead and repeat some of them here for those who have not read that post.)

Scripture: John 15:9-11
9 As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love.
10 If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.
11 These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.

Discussion: So, if Christ has loved us the way Heavenly Father loved Him, to know how we need to show love to each other, we need to know how Heavenly Father showed love to Jesus Christ. How did Heavenly Father show His love for Jesus Christ? Well, basically Heavenly Father sent Jesus Christ to earth and asked Him to do some really hard things. He taught and strengthened and supported Him as He completed His earthly mission, but when Christ asked, when faced with His ultimate challenge of the atonement, of taking on Him the sins and suffering of all of God's children, that if possible that bitter cup be removed from Him, Heavenly Father did not show His love by removing the burden Christ had to bear. Rather, He sent an angel to strengthen Christ that He might bear it, and asked Him to go forward and complete His earthly mission, despite the extreme personal suffering it caused Him. Heavenly Father knew that Christ had the strength and ability to do what needed to be done, and that all of God's children, including Christ, would be blessed by His willingness to make this sacrifice on their behalf. After Christ's earthly mission was complete, Heavenly Father exalted Christ and gave Him all He had.

So this tells me that Jesus Christ does not show His love for us by lowering His expectations of us when they are difficult for us to achieve, because that is not how Heavenly Father showed His love for Christ. Instead, he strengthens us and helps us rise to meet those expectations when we turn to Him, and freely forgives us as we fall short again and again in our struggle to rise to those high expectations, having full faith that we can achieve what He asks of us with His help, and that when we do, our joy will be full, as His joy became full when He rose to His Father’s expectations of Him.

Personal Experience: I experienced this aspect of God’s love when I was a missionary in the south of France. A big goal in my mission was for each missionary to have at least 10 significant contacts per day, meaning that while you were going about throughout the day you were supposed to talk to at least 10 different people and teach them something, share your testimony about something, or invite them to do something. I’m a pretty shy person and have a huge fear of man, so this was really hard for me. What’s cool to me is that God never said, “Angie, I know this is really hard for you because of your specific weaknesses, so I’m only going to ask you to get 6 contacts per day.” He said, “I know this is really hard for you, but I also know you can do it. I have faith in you.” He loved me enough to ask hard things of me, and I grew and learned and often did meet that expectation.

This experience also taught me how quick the Savior is to forgive. He didn’t hold a grudge against me when I had a day where I didn’t talk to people all day because it seemed too hard. The second I opened my mouth and tried to talk to someone again, He was there, cheering me on, quick to send His Spirit to help me the second I made an effort to do what I knew I needed to do. He wasn’t mad about my shortcomings; He was just so happy and proud to see me making an effort to do His will in spite of them. He wanted to bless me and was there waiting to do so the second I took a step in the right direction. He patiently waited for me to be ready and then showered me with blessings the second I found the inner strength to do His will.

Thought #5: Our love for others should not be conditional on others making choices that we approve of

Discussion: Just like the Savior still loved me and was quick to forgive me when I did not do what He asked of me, we need to be equally loving and forgiving of others when they don’t make the choices we wish they would make or that we think would be best for them. The visiting teaching message in the October 2017 issue of the Ensign magazine was titled “Enfolding with Love Those Who Stray.” I think we have been hearing this message more and more lately from the leaders of the LDS Church, and I think it’s a very important one.

Quote: President Uchtdorf, April 2016 General Conference
“Whatever problems your family is facing, whatever you must do to solve them, the beginning and the end of the solution is charity, the pure love of Christ.”

Story: I recently watched an interview with the Christofferson brothers. D. Todd Christofferson (one of the current 12 apostles of the LDS Church) has a brother named Tom who is gay. They shared a story during the interview that took place a couple years after Tom had come out as gay. At a family reunion, the Christofferson parents sat all their children down and talked about the importance of love and unity in their family. One of the things their mother said was, “The most important lesson that your children will learn from the way our family treats their Uncle Tom is that nothing they can ever do will take them outside the circle of our family’s love.”

Discussion: The Christofferson family chose to love Tom and treat him and the partner he had for many years as fully accepted and loved members of the family, despite the fact that many of them may not have approved of Tom’s choice to have a same-sex partner. They did not let their opinions about his choices interfere with their love for Tom or his partner. They understood the importance of loving others wherever they are in their lives and whatever choices they are currently making.

Conclusion

Those are some of my thoughts on charity! Thanks for reading! I hope this post gives us all the opportunity to ponder more on the topic of what charity looks like and how we can better show this Christlike love to others in our lives. I love you all and am grateful for those of you who have shown me charity in spite of my mistakes and weaknesses. And I am so grateful for my Savior and His perfect example of charity for me and for all of God’s children.

As I Have Loved You

I've been trying to figure out what it means to love someone as Christ loves them. Through all my learning over the past couple years, I've realized that my definition of love has some major flaws, and I've been trying to replace it with a more truthful definition and understanding of what it means to love someone in a Christlike way. I read John 15:9-12 the other day, and it added some illumination to the topic for me, or at least some food for thought:

9 As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love.

10 If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.

11 These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.

12 This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.

So, Christ has loved us the way the Father has loved Christ. I tried to think about how Heavenly Father showed His love for Christ. He basically sent Him to earth and asked Him to do some really hard things. He taught and strengthened and supported Him as He completed His earthly mission, but when Christ asked, when faced with His ultimate challenge of the atonement, of taking on Him the sins and suffering of all of God's children, that if possible that bitter cup be removed from Him, Heavenly Father did not show His love by removing the burden Christ had to bear. Rather, He sent an angel to strengthen Christ that He might bear it, and asked Him to go forward and complete His earthly mission, despite the extreme personal suffering it caused Him. Heavenly Father knew that Christ had the strength and ability to do what needed to be done, and that all of God's children, including Christ, would be blessed by His willingness to make this sacrifice on their behalf. After Christ's earthly mission was complete, Heavenly Father exalted Christ and gave Him all He had.

It is when we obey God's commandments like Christ did, even when obedience to those commandments requires great personal sacrifice for us, that we will "abide in His love." Christ explains this connection between God's love and how we can access His love through obedience to His commandments "that [Christ's] joy might remain in [us], and that [our] joy might be full." Christ Himself experienced God's love for Him and obtained a fullness of joy as He sacrificed throughout His life to serve God and to accomplish what God sent Him to earth to accomplish. We, likewise, can feel God's love for us and find a fullness of joy in our lives as we sacrifice to serve God and His children and keep His commandments. 

This scripture gives Christ's commandment to love one another as He has loved us, and as Heavenly Father has loved Him, a new meaning for me. We are to love and support and strengthen one other through the trials of this life and help bear one another's burdens, as Heavenly Father helped Christ bear His burdens and how Christ helps us bear ours. If we are to help people fully feel God's love and find a fullness of joy though, we must also help them turn to Christ, teach them of God's commandments, and encourage them to keep them, even if they must sacrifice to do so. That is the path Christ has shown us that will allow us to abide in God's love and receive a fullness of joy. It is the way Heavenly Father showed His love for Christ, the way Christ shows His love for us, and the way we must show love for one another: by teaching God's children His commandments, which He gave us because of His great love for us and His desire to help us reach our full, divine potential, and then supporting and strengthening God's children as they strive to turn to God and follow His commandments, forgiving them freely when they fall short, as Christ forgives us freely, and encouraging them in their continued efforts to carry out God's plan and mission for them in this life and become who He knows they can become, that He might be able to exalt them and give them all He has, and that their joy might be full. So interesting.

Christ's Church

As I mentioned before in this blog, I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. One of the big differences between The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and other Christian churches is that we believe that in 1820 Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ appeared to a 14 year old boy named Joseph Smith and prepared him over several years to become a prophet of God with the task to restore Christ's Church on the earth in its original form after it had been lost following the death of Christ's apostles that were called during His earthly ministry and the general apostasy of His church that took place afterwards.

Since Christ’s Church was restored in 1830 under Christ’s direction through His prophet Joseph Smith using the power and authority of the priesthood of God given to Joseph Smith by John the Baptist and by Christ’s original apostles Peter, James and John, who received it from Christ Himself during His earthly ministry, there has been an unbroken line of prophets and apostles called by God to lead His church on the earth continuing up until the present day. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is currently led by the prophet and president of the church, Thomas S. Monson, his two counsellors, and twelve apostles, all chosen and directed by God through divine revelation to lead His church and prepare the world for the second coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ. 

For this reason, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints does not make changes to its policies or doctrine based on the opinions of the world, or even by the opinions of its members; it is Christ’s Church, and revelation on the doctrine and organization of His church comes from Him alone to the people He has called as prophets and apostles to lead His church. 

In order to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, you need to have a personal testimony of several things. First, you need to know for yourself that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are real, that they live, and that they have a plan for you and for all of Heavenly Father’s children and that through the atonement of Christ you can repent and be washed clean of your sins, overcome your weaknesses, and return to live with God after this life. Second, you need to know for yourself that Joseph Smith was really a prophet called by God to restore Christ’s Church on the earth and that he received priesthood authority from God to perform ordinances such as baptism and marriage that are binding not only on earth, but also in heaven, and that this priesthood authority has been passed down to other worthy members of the church since that time so that all priesthood ordinances performed by worthy priesthood holders in the church are recognized as valid and binding by God. You must also have a personal testimony that the current prophet and apostles who lead the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints were also called of God and are being directed by Him in all that they do. 

If you do not know these things for yourself, then there is no reason to join The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints over other churches, or even to join it at all. If Joseph Smith was a fraud and the current leaders of the church have no claim to any special authority or revelation from God, then you’re wasting your time listening to what they have to say. How can you know for yourself if the teachings of this church are true and that the leaders of the church were and are called by God? That’s where the third member of the Godhead, the Holy Ghost, comes in. It is his job to teach and testify of truth. These are some of the things Christ told His apostles about the Holy Ghost in the New Testament:

John 14:16-17

"16 And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever; 

17 Even the Spirit of truth..."

John 14:26

"26 But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you."

John 15:26

"26 But when the Comforter is come...even the Spirit of truth, which procedeth from the Father, he shall testify of me"

John 16:13

"13 Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth"

The prophet Moroni also spoke of the mission of the Holy Ghost at the end of the Book of Mormon:

Moroni 10:4-5

"4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things."

Through sincere study and prayer, the Holy Ghost can give you your own personal witness that God is there, that the Bible and the Book of Mormon contain His words, that Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God, and that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is Christ’s Church restored to the earth again and led by Christ Himself through the servants He has chosen to lead it.

I know for myself, through the power of the Holy Ghost, that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ do live, that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God, that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is Christ’s Church, and that the current prophet and apostles who lead the Church were chosen by God and receive revelation from Him to guide His Church on the earth today. I know that they are humble, righteous men who sincerely seek to know God’s will in all things and direct His Church according to His will. I know that they are concerned for the salvation of all of God’s children and feel the weight of their great responsibility to teach and testify of Christ and His gospel and the path that will lead us all back to our Father in Heaven. 

There are some members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who question the leadership of the Church and the choices they make, such as only allowing men to hold offices in the priesthood or opposing same-sex marriage. Whenever I read their complaints and critiques, I think of the leaders of the Church, and I immediately feel peace, knowing that the decisions that they make are made “in all righteousness, in holiness, and lowliness of heart, meekness and long-suffering, and in faith, and virtue, and knowledge, temperance, patience, godliness, brotherly kindness and charity” (D&C 107:30). 

What I find much more interesting than questioning if the leaders of the Church are really carrying out God’s will or not, since I have a personal testimony that they are, is wondering why it is important to God’s plan that only men hold offices in the priesthood right now or that marriage only be between a man and a woman. Why did God set things up that way? Why are these things important to Him? So often we tend to make something an issue between us and other mortals, when the real person who made the decision and could answer our questions is God Himself. 

One thing I really like about the book Spiritual Lightening by M. Catherine Thomas that I have been reading, is that these are the kinds of questions she ponders and addresses: why might God have set things up this way? I’m not saying that her conclusions are doctrine, but I like the questions she is asking and the thoughts she shares on some of the topics that a lot of people struggle to understand, particularly on the issue of the relationship between men and women and the difference in their responsibilities.

In discussing the story of Adam and Eve, Thomas says, 

“Eve’s being placed in a counseling role to her husband, far from being a punishment, was a sacred tutorial designed to sanctify both of them. 

How could a counseling position be a sanctifying position? The very fact that the Lord put Eve in a counseling role with Adam acknowledges eternal woman’s great ability to do what needs doing. But her divine, developmental need is to act within a relationship, taking into account Adam’s need to be part of that relationship. Each had need of the relationship—it was not good for the man [or the woman] to be alone—he needed her and she needed him. The man and the woman had become like God, and now, even though they rejoiced in the opening of their eyes and their prospects of joy (see Moses 5:10–11), they had need not to compete for ascendancy but to console each other in their mutual loss of paradise and their mutual quest to attain exaltation. 

The issue here is not who is more capable, men or women, but who will do the work God has appointed. If the presiding role of priesthood is withheld from women, it is not because they could not do the work of priesthood—that they are not spiritual enough, not intelligent enough, or not rational enough—but rather to foster the conditions in which the man and the woman may achieve interdependence. 

What makes all of this so hard in practice? It may seem unfair that the man is subject to a perfect head (the Lord Jesus Christ), and the woman is presided over by an imperfect head (her husband). But how much humility the man must cultivate to hear the Lord’s voice! And how much humility the woman must exercise to encourage and rely on her imperfect husband to make that connection! The man’s presidency over the woman is designed to be as much a tutorial for him as it is for the woman as she submits to his presidency. A very fine tuning is required of each."

She goes on later to discuss further the idea of the relationships in our lives being there to perfect and sanctify us:

"We see that the Lord has given us the challenge of not only perfecting ourselves individually but also perfecting ourselves in relationships. Perfecting oneself in a relationship cannot be separated from personal perfecting. 

As to perfecting ourselves in a relationship, it is easy for us to live for a good many years on the assumption that we have a right to be satisfied by life events and by the people in our lives. This is a precept of man. If we continue all the way through this life with that assumption, we will have failed to learn what we came here to learn and will have failed to develop some personal essentials. We will never obtain the essential divine nature and can never be exalted until we know and practice the truth. One important truth is that our husbands, our wives, and our children were not given to us to satisfy us, and nor were many of the most important events of our lives. To the world, love is a relationship in which the parties involved satisfy each other enough that they can call that relationship “love.” But this is not love at all—it is just self-serving. 

We can tell that our love is often based on the degree to which another person satisfies us: If they don’t satisfy us, we criticize them. It seems to me that most criticism is saying, “In these ways, this person does not satisfy my expectations as to what he should be.” But our expectations are a function of the finite mind, the telestial and selfish mind, not the mind of God....

 We stand in a sacred relationship to the people in our lives, especially family, because they are not there by chance. The people in our lives were placed there not only for us to enjoy but also to cross us and to dissatisfy us from time to time so that we can learn that love is not a matter of personal satisfaction but a going out of our hearts to empathize with, to understand, and to try to bless the other, giving up the demand of the natural man for satisfaction—to love the other, to forgive the other, to cease to demand that the other satisfy us, and to seek to be able to bless that person. Relationships were given to us to develop us in love."

Thomas ends this chapter on "Women, Priesthood, and the At-One-Ment" with the following:

"The point of putting the woman in a counseling role to the man is that as both of them strive for something higher than themselves, their relationship will not founder in a power struggle but will flower in mutual support and in spiritual growth for each. The point of giving priesthood authority to only one of two imperfect people is to create interdependence and at-one-ment between them. The point of the Adam and Eve relationship is to return the man and the woman to at-one-ment before the Lord. Thus we can foil the powers that seek to tear the man and woman asunder."

Whether or not you agree with all of Thomas's conclusions, I really like her insights as she ponders the reasons God gave men and women different roles and responsibilities. I have thought before of the importance of there being some things only women can do (e.g. give birth to children) and some things only men can do (e.g. administer priesthood ordinances) in order to create a sense of interdependence in the relationship that helps draw a couple together as they rely on each other in their mutual quest for exaltation. 

We need each other, and we have a lot of learning and serving to do, and Christ set up families and His Church in such a way to help us do just that: to learn and serve and become like God as we each fulfill the unique roles and responsibilities required of us by God. He counsels and directs us in all wisdom and love, and I am grateful that He knows what I need to be perfected and sanctified that I might return to Him one day and receive a fulness of joy. I know I have a long way to go, but I also know that He is committed to getting me there and that He will give me all the tools and experiences I need to achieve exaltation if I choose it. I also know that the same is true for each of God's children, and I am so grateful for that truth.

Truth Is Independent of Feelings

Truth is independent of feelings.

This has been a hard-won truth for me. For the last year or so, I have been battling a lot of feelings and emotions that have clouded my vision and kept me from seeing my life and relationships clearly and truthfully. There were times that I felt very loved in certain relationships and times when I felt very unloved. The truth that people loved me remained constant, but sometimes I could feel that love and sometimes I couldn't, but whether I could feel it or not did not change the truth that they loved me, just my ability to perceive it. I had a lot of false beliefs and unrealistic expectations of how someone who loved me would think or feel or speak or act that were causing a disconnect for me between the truth of other people's love for me and my ability to feel that love. Once I worked through a lot of those false ideas, it became so much easier for me to see and feel the truth of other people's love for me. 

This experience has taught me that there is often a disconnect between truth and our feelings, that truth is independent of how we might feel at any given moment. Feelings are real, but they are very often not a reflection of truth. For example, sometimes we might feel that we are of great worth, while at other times we might feel completely worthless. It is not the truth of our innate worth as a person or as a child of God that is flip-flopping from one minute to the next; it is only our ability to feel that we are of worth that is changing. It is the same when we have times when we feel that our life is hopeless; that is a real feeling, but it does not reflect truth. When we push through the hard feelings, we will discover the truth that there is still a lot of hope and joy in our future, especially as we draw on the healing and strength that is available to us through Christ's atonement.

We can explain things in our heads in all sorts of different ways that capture varying amounts of the truth and make us feel all sorts of different ways. It really is a gift from God and an amazing ability God has to see things "as they really are" in an eternal perspective rather than through the variety of lenses we use to see and interpret the world around us here on earth. How we explain things to ourselves is so important because it influences how we feel and how we act. Satan loves for us to believe explanations of the world or of others that lead us to make choices that are destructive to ourselves and/or to others.

Our underlying beliefs and thought patterns cannot change truth, but they can have a huge effect on how we feel. I think a lot of God's counsel and teachings are to help us see our life, circumstances and relationships in a more eternal, truthful way. For example, when someone does or says something that hurts us, we can choose to dwell on that temporary hurt and see and treat that person as that one action (a very incomplete and untruthful image of anyone) and ourselves as a victim of that action, or we can choose to follow God's commandment and forgive that person and let go of the hurt and focus instead on the eternal truth that Christ paid for both their unChristlike action and the pain we experienced because of it and because of that that person can learn and change and be forgiven and we can be healed of the hurt their imperfections caused us. 

I feel like in today’s world, we tend to put a lot of emphasis on people's feelings determining who they are or what truth is, and I think this is a very dangerous trend that is drawing people further and further away from eternal truths. Society seems to be subscribing more and more to the philosophy, “if it doesn’t feel good, don’t do it. If it feels good, do it.” If you aren’t feeling fulfilled in your marriage, then get out. If you love someone and want to have sex with them, then do it. If trying to keep God’s commandments is hard and makes you feel bad or guilty sometimes, then stop trying. God loves you and wants you to feel happy all the time, so if trying to keep His commandments doesn’t make you feel happy, then you don’t need to worry about them; they obviously don’t apply to you. God will love you no matter what you do. Do what feels good to you and makes you happy.

Satan is so good at twisting truth. Of course God wants you to be happy. Of course God will love you no matter what you do. But there is more to it than that. God’s goal is not for you just to be happy in the moment: God’s goal is for you to have the maximum amount of joy possible for eternity. God will love you no matter what you do, but He also knows that some actions you choose will lead you to the eternal joy He wants for you and some actions you choose will not. His love for you and His desire for your eternal happiness is what leads Him to give His children commandments, to tell them the truth about what choices they need to make to achieve their divine potential, become like Him and enjoy the joy and peace He enjoys. The truth is that some things that will bring us eternal joy can also be very, very difficult and cause us a lot of heartache, discomfort and suffering in the moment. That’s where faith comes in.

God’s knowledge of eternal truths is much, much greater than ours. We are blinded in many ways by the fallen world we live in and the feelings and temptations that come with imperfect, mortal bodies. Many of our natural inclinations and feelings do not align with eternal truths. Our job here on earth is to learn to master our bodies and the thoughts and emotions that come with them, not just let them sweep us along here or there. We have the power to determine our destiny, what we do and who we become, and God teaches us how to use that power wisely. 

It takes a lot of faith and trust in God to follow His words when it goes against how we are feeling. When someone hurts us, turning the other cheek is not what we feel like doing. Neither is loving, blessing, doing good to, or praying for people who curse, hate, or persecute us. But God asks us to master our emotions and act in a Christlike manner towards all of His children, no matter how they choose to treat us at any given moment. He knows the eternal truth that each person is His child with the potential to become like Him, no matter how far they still have to go to get there. Through Christ’s atonement, all God’s children can repent and change, no matter how many mistakes they have made on their mortal journey or how many people they have hurt. The atonement paid for all that, and God asks us to treat all of His children with love and forgiveness as they grow and learn, one small step at a time, doing all sorts of wrongs in the meantime that they have no way of making right, but that Christ has chosen to take on Himself so that He can give forgiveness and relief from sins and their consequences to all who choose to follow Him and accept the gift of His atonement.

Our innate worth and divine potential as children of God is real and eternal, no matter how we feel about ourselves or how others may feel about us at any given moment. God has also revealed that “Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose” and that “the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the Word” https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng). Whatever our feelings may be, these are real and eternal truths that God has revealed to His prophets to help us clearly understand His plan for His children and what choices and actions will allow us to reach our divine potential and help others reach theirs. The blessings that come from keeping God's commandments are real and eternal, whether it feels difficult to keep them or not.

Only God is able to see all things as they truly were, are and will be, which is why He asks us to trust Him and submit to His will, even when our feelings make us want to make other choices. When we humble ourselves, trust God, and strive to align our will with His, praying to see things as He sees them, and committing to act according to our knowledge of the truths He has and will reveal to us personally or through His prophets, we will be able to see through the dark swirling mists of our unhelpful feelings to the light and truth He has to show us. And once we see things in the more truthful light of God's eternal perspective, then we will feel the feelings of peace, love and joy that come when we have the Holy Ghost with us.

I can testify from personal experience that your feelings and perspective change as you become converted unto the Lord and become one with Him. It can be a very slow, grueling process, with many setbacks and many false beliefs to discover and tackle one by one, each with tons of unhelpful, excruciating feelings attached that make it so hard to see and hold on to the truth. When you keep pressing on in your pursuit of truth and don't give up though, God will continue to teach you "line upon line and precept upon precept, here a little and there a little," as you are prepared to receive it. 

I am so grateful for those who have been kind and patient and forgiving with me as I have gone through my learning processes, and I hope to be able to extend the same love, kindness, and compassion to others as they wrestle with their own painful emotions and false beliefs, seeking truth. I know God is there to help each of us on each step of our journey back to Him and that He will never give up on us, no matter how long it takes us to come to trust Him and make the tough sacrifices He asks us to make so that we can become like Him and receive the blessings He is eagerly waiting to shower upon us. The cool thing is, that the things we think we have to have to be happy that God is asking us to give up (these are different for each person) are actually not the key to our happiness at all. God knows the key, and when we trust Him enough to do what He asks even when it's hard, we will discover that He was right all along and that the sacrifices we make that we thought meant giving up happiness actually open the door to true, lasting happiness and peace. 

I am so grateful for a kind, wise Heavenly Father who is so patient with me as I make mistakes, learn, and slowly come to trust Him and for His willingness to help me replace my false beliefs and the painful emotions that come with them with truths that bring increased peace and joy into my life.

Love Your Enemies

Ted and I were reading in Matthew chapter 5 today for our family scripture study, and verses 38-48 hit me hard. These are the verses that talk about turning the other cheek, loving your enemies, blessing those that curse you, doing good to those who hate you, and praying for those who despitefully use you and persecute you. I feel like I need to put these verses up on my wall to read often. 

It is so easy to get caught up in the world's view that this person deserves this kind of treatment because he/she was rude to me. Or, I'm not speaking to this person because he/she did this. We are so quick to punish other people when they hurt or disappoint us in some way by treating them unkindly or disrespectfully or giving them the cold shoulder, and we feel justified in our right to do so. They were mean to me, so I have a right, even an obligation, to treat them like this in return. We do this over the smallest unintended slights, when, in reality, we never have any justification for treating any of Heavenly Father's children without love, respect and forgiveness, even when they are deliberately going out of their way to hate, belittle, and persecute us. 

Becoming like God, becoming perfect, requires us to see past all the mistakes, sins, and cruelties of others to the potential they have as children of God to repent and change and become like Him through the power of the atonement. We have an obligation to love our spirit brothers and sisters even in their darkest moments, when they are at their worst, and to have the desire to help them out of Satan's clutches and back to the light and truth of Christ. God never gives up on us, and we cannot give up on each other or punish each other for not being perfect yet. As God forgives us for our sins and weaknesses, so must we be quick to forgive each other and treat each other with love and kindness, no matter the provocation. This is true godliness. 

We have so many great examples in the scriptures of people who have applied the principles taught in these verses. There is Christ Himself, of course, who prayed to Heavenly Father on behalf of those who were in the process of crucifying Him (Luke 23:33-34, Bible). There is the prophet Alma who prayed so fervently for the people of Ammonihah and returned so willingly to teach them again, even after they reviled him, spit upon him, and cast him out of their city (Alma 8:8-18, Book of Mormon). His great love for them and his willingness to continue to reach out to them even in the face of extreme persecution led many of them to have a change of heart, repent, and turn to God (Alma 14:1). Both the sons of Mosiah and Nephi and Lehi, the sons of Helaman, were cast into prison, beaten, starved, and threatened with death by those they were trying to help and teach, but they refused to give up, and their continued love and service brought many people to a knowledge of the truth that allowed them to change and reach their potential as children of God. 

These are just a few examples, but they show the miracles that are possible when we truly have charity towards others and love them the way Christ does, even when they hurt or disappoint us through ignorance or maliciousness. We must all strive to develop the kind of eternal perspective that allows us to see others the way God sees them, as children learning and growing and making so many mistakes as they work through their weaknesses and their misconceptions of the world and of those around them. May we all strive to be a little kinder, a little more patient, and a little quicker to forgive those around us is my prayer, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Easter Sunday and My Thoughts on the Savior

I finally decided to join the blog world. The inspiration I received on Sunday about the Savior finally made me decide I needed a place to share these kinds of thoughts and inspiration.

Sunday was Easter. Easter is the time when we celebrate the Savior's Atonement and Resurrection. Lately I've been trying to come to know the Savior better and to feel His love more fully in my life. Intellectually, I know Jesus Christ was and is an amazing man. I know that He is the Son of God, and that He loves all of God's children so much that He was willing to suffer and to die to give us all a chance to repent and be forgiven of our sins so we can return to live with our Heavenly Father again. 

I know these things, but often I have a difficult time internalizing this knowledge and feeling the appropriate amount of gratitude and love for my Savior. I know what He did was great and I'm grateful, but it's hard for me to wrap my head around who He is and what He did and to feel all the implications of that deep down in my heart. It's hard to really know and love someone and feel their love in return when you can't spend time with that person, at least for me.

So I've been praying to have a better understanding of my relationship with the Savior and to feel His love more in my life, to be able to really give Him "all [my] heart, might, mind and strength." The talks in church on Sunday were focused on Christ and the Atonement in honor of Easter, and I got some good ideas from those on how to work on building a personal relationship with the Savior. Then, on our drive back to Logan (we were down in Utah County visiting family for Easter weekend), we listened to the song "I Can Only Imagine" by MercyMe. Here are the lyrics to the first verse and the chorus, in case you don't know it:

I can only imagine 

What it will be like 

When I walk 

By your side 

I can only imagine 

What my eyes will see 

When your face 

Is before me 

I can only imagine 

[Chorus:]

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel 

Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still 

Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall 

Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all 

I can only imagine 

I've always loved this song, but this time as I listened to it, I really started to ponder how I might react when I am in Christ's presence again, how I would want that meeting to go. As I pondered, I suddenly saw this image of myself giving Christ a big hug and saying, "I missed you so much!" 

This image of our reunion gave me a new perspective on my relationship with the Savior. It made me realize that it's very likely that I did have a close, personal relationship with Jesus Christ before this life, that we would have known each other well as members of the same family, God's family, and that we would have talked and spent time together. He loves me because He knows me personally, His younger sister. I already have a close relationship with Him, I just can't remember it right now. He and I are just in the "interruption" stage of our relationship, as President Dieter F. Uchtdorf discussed in his recent General Conference address (https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/grateful-in-any-circumstances?lang=eng), but that doesn't make the relationship any less real, and someday when I see Him again I will remember. So, rather than try to build a relationship with someone I can't see, I'm just trying to remember a relationship I already have.

It makes the Savior seem so much more real to me to imagine Him as a dear friend that I am currently parted from but who still loves me and whom I will see again. When I see Him again, I will tell Him how much I missed Him and how grateful I am that He never gave up on me despite my sins and weaknesses, but that He did what was necessary to rescue me and to bring me back home to live with Him and with my Heavenly Father once again. What a glorious day that will be! Happy Easter everyone!