More Insights from Adam and Eve

I just keep coming back to this story of Adam and Eve, don’t I? No wonder the retelling of that story is such an integral part of our temple worship—there are so many important concepts to learn from it.

I went to the temple last week, and it hit me again how much the story of Adam and Eve teaches us about agency. Even though a lot of us are still trying to hold onto it, the story of Adam and Eve—especially our latter-day understanding of it as explained by Lehi in 2 Nephi 2 in the Book of Mormon and Moses in Moses 4-5 in the Pearl of Great Price—actually invites us out of our black and white obedience framework of faith and into a more mature, nuanced understanding of what it means to have faith, follow God, and use our agency. 

In the temple retelling of the story, Satan approaches Adam first about eating the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil (which, I had never realized before, is not actually recounted in any scriptural account; in the scriptural accounts Satan just approaches Eve). Adam is very letter of the law obedient and isn’t willing to listen to any of Satan’s arguments about why he should eat the fruit. God told me not to, so I’m not going to. End of story. This is the attitude that someone in the black and white obedience framework of faith really loves and identifies with. With that interpretation of what faith and obedience means, Eve was wrong not to have that same attitude of exact, unquestioning obedience, and because she didn’t, she and Adam were punished for it.

There are a lot of other Christian faiths that accept this interpretation of events: that the Fall of Adam and Eve was a mistake that we are still paying the price for. That things would have been better if Eve had never eaten the fruit and Adam and Eve had stayed in the Garden of Eden. 

Lehi tells us though in 2 Nephi 2:22-25:

22 And now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he would have remained in the garden of Eden. And all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were created; and they must have remained forever, and had no end.

23 And they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin.

24 But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things.

25 Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.

Based on Lehi’s teachings about the Fall, the Fall of Adam and Eve was actually a necessary component of God’s plan for His children, not a mistake. If Adam’s unquestioning obedience to the commandment not to eat of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil had ruled the day, progress would not have been possible. Adam and Eve would have been unable to learn and progress, and none of God’s other spirit children would have had the opportunity to come down to earth to get physical bodies and learn and progress.

When Satan approached Eve to try to get her to eat of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, Eve didn’t reject him outright. She questioned his motives, but when he explained what the result of eating the fruit of that tree would be—that her eyes would be opened, and that it would make her wise like God, knowing good and evil, and that this was the only way to attain that knowledge and wisdom—Eve realized that the fruit of that tree was the key to progressing like God wanted them to and that death and suffering were worth the sacrifice to gain that knowledge. Eve did the essential work of agency: she seriously considered her choices and priorities, and she made a decision based on her own understanding of what would be the best choice for her to achieve what she most desired. 

After eating of the fruit herself, Eve approached Adam to offer some of the fruit to him. Approached by his wife rather than a stranger, Adam at first reiterates his stance of exact, unquestioning obedience regarding eating the fruit. Then Eve explains to Adam what the results of him not partaking of the fruit will be—that she will be cast out of the Garden of Eden and he will remain alone in the Garden of Eden, preventing them from following the commandment God had given them to multiply and replenish the earth. Adam is also given the opportunity to think through his choices and priorities and what is most important to him. And he realizes the opportunity to fulfill God’s commandment to be with Eve and multiply and replenish the earth is very important to him—more important than the commandment not to eat of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and avoid death. So he also uses his agency to choose to eat of the fruit of the tree.

Then we see the aftermath of Adam and Eve’s use of agency. In the temple film, right after Adam eats the fruit, they hear God’s voice as He prepares to visit them in the Garden of Eden. Satan points out to them that they are naked and encourages them to hide from God. This reminded me of how Satan encourages us to act when we make mistakes. He wants us to feel shame and hide the things we’ve done that we’re not proud of or that we think will make others unhappy with us. God, in contrast, seeks out Adam and Eve and invites them to come talk with Him about the choices they have made. Adam and Eve at first try to shift blame for their choices from themselves to others. God explains to each of them the consequences of the choices they’ve made. Then He provides a Savior for them to ultimately deliver them from the more undesirable consequences of their choices, such as the separation they would experience from God after eating the fruit. 

Once they have left the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve hear the voice of the Lord give them another commandment, as recorded in Moses 5:5:

5 And he gave unto them commandments, that they should worship the Lord their God, and should offer the firstlings of their flocks, for an offering unto the Lord. And Adam was obedient unto the commandments of the Lord.

Again, we have Adam obeying God’s commandments without really understanding why the commandment has been given. This isn’t a bad place to start in our exercise of faith, but as we see in the subsequent verses, God doesn’t want us to stay in that place of ignorance—He wants us to gain our own understanding of the why behind what He asks us to do so that we can follow His commands more intentionally and meaningfully:

Moses 5:6-9

6 And after many days an angel of the Lord appeared unto Adam, saying: Why dost thou offer sacrifices unto the Lord? And Adam said unto him: I know not, save the Lord commanded me.

7 And then the angel spake, saying: This thing is a similitude of the sacrifice of the Only Begotten of the Father, which is full of grace and truth.

8 Wherefore, thou shalt do all that thou doest in the name of the Son, and thou shalt repent and call upon God in the name of the Son forevermore.

9 And in that day the Holy Ghost fell upon Adam, which beareth record of the Father and the Son, saying: I am the Only Begotten of the Father from the beginning, henceforth and forever, that as thou hast fallen thou mayest be redeemed, and all mankind, even as many as will.

Now Adam understands the why of what God has asked him to do, and the next verse tells us that coming to his own understanding of the why leads him to be filled with the Holy Ghost and with gratitude towards God and allows him to see more clearly and prophesy about God’s loving plan for His children:

Moses 5:10-11

10 And in that day Adam blessed God and was filled, and began to prophesy concerning all the families of the earth, saying: Blessed be the name of God, for because of my transgression my eyes are opened, and in this life I shall have joy, and again in the flesh I shall see God.

11 And Eve, his wife, heard all these things and was glad, saying: Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient.

This idea that Adam and Eve are grateful for their transgression and that good things have come from their transgression is a really tough concept to swallow for those operating out of a black and white obedience framework of faith. The black and white obedience framework says: if you do what God says, good things happen; if you don’t do what God says, bad things happen. End of story. 

Adam and Eve are presenting a more nuanced idea about how agency and obedience work though. The whole point of the gift of agency God has given us is to give us the opportunity to practice making choices and to learn from the choices we make. We’re here on earth to gain knowledge and experience, and that’s exactly what the process of making choices and experiencing the consequences of our choices, both desirable and undesirable, gives us. 

Our choices here on earth are not going to be perfect. There are going to be both pros and cons to all of the choices we make. It’s through pondering our options and making the best choice we can with the limited knowledge we have that we gain more knowledge about what we want and about what is good for us. We’re not always going to make the best choice. And even when we do make the choice we feel best about under the circumstances, there’s going to be a trade-off; there are going to be consequences of each choice we make that we don’t like. 

God is fully aware that when we use our agency to make choices, we’re going to get it wrong sometimes. He’s also aware that even when we make the choice we feel aligns the best with our highest desires, like Adam and Eve did, there are going to be undesirable consequences to our choice as well. That’s the whole reason God provides a Savior for us: to ultimately deliver us from the undesirable consequences of our imperfect choices as we perfect our ability to use our agency in the best ways. He cares about our intentions and what we’re trying to achieve and create through our choices. He knows that we gain knowledge as we go forward and make choices, however imperfect, rather than just waiting for Him to tell us exactly what we should do in every circumstance. 

As current apostle Dale G. Renlund said in the October 2018 General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:

“Our Heavenly Father’s goal in parenting is not to have His children do what is right; it is to have His children choose to do what is right and ultimately become like Him. If He simply wanted us to be obedient, He would use immediate rewards and punishments to influence our behaviors.

But God is not interested in His children just becoming trained and obedient “pets” who will not chew on His slippers in the celestial living room. No, God wants His children to grow up spiritually and join Him in the family business.”

In order for us to grow up spiritually, we must seek to understand why God and His servants ask us to do certain things, as well as seek to understand our own highest desires and how those match up with all the different invitations God extends to us. We must ponder and study all these things out in our minds and make the choices that seem most in line with both our own desires and with God’s desires for our growth and learning. Because we each are different and have different desires and different things to learn, the choices we feel best about are also going to look different. It’s the process of going forward and making choices and experiencing the consequences of those choices—both good and bad—that allows us to understand the difference between good and evil and grow in our capacity to experience joy. 

Making choices, and inevitably making mistakes, is the plan. Learning through our own use of agency, through our mixed bag of right and wrong choices, is the plan. We shouldn’t be afraid to use our agency or to allow others to use theirs, even when we make choices that don’t lead to the consequences we would have hoped for. That’s how we learn. That’s how we learn to appreciate the joy that is available to us through repentance and the redemption offered to us by our Savior. Transgression is part of the plan. It’s how we learn what choices lead to suffering and what choices lead to peace and joy. It’s through our mistakes, just as much as through our obedience, that we gain the wisdom to become like God. That’s what the story of Adam and Eve teaches us.

What We Can Learn from Adam and Eve about Agency and the Law of Obedience

I’ve shared thoughts on the story of Adam and Eve before in a previous blog post. I thought of Adam and Eve’s story again this weekend after listening to the Semiannual General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

During this General Conference, both President Nelson and President Oaks focused their remarks on God’s Plan of Salvation and the way the choices we make here on earth will influence where we will live, who we will live with, and what level of glory we will attain in the next life. To live with our Heavenly Father and our families again in the celestial kingdom and receive a fullness of all the blessings God has to give us, we must be willing to live according to celestial law. President Nelson also emphasized the importance of living the law of chastity, which states that sexual relations are only appropriate between a man and a woman who have been legally and lawfully married.

I believe it is the responsibility of God’s prophet and apostles to clearly teach true eternal principles to God’s children. The fact that both President Nelson (the prophet) and President Oaks (his counselor and an apostle) felt the need to speak on these topics tells me that these are important truths that we need to take into consideration as we make choices in our lives.

As I listened, I also thought about the struggle of being an LGBTQ+ member of Christ’s church listening to these eternal principles being taught–especially an LGBTQ+ member of the church who feels they have been led by God through personal revelation to pursue a same-sex relationship.

Some may say that if someone thinks they have received personal revelation to do something that goes against the teachings of the prophet and apostles then they are wrong and it wasn’t really personal revelation. I think that’s too simplistic of a view though. It’s definitely something to be cautious of–it’s true that we can be led astray by Satan’s deceptions or our own desire for something and convince ourselves that that constitutes personal revelation from God. However, I’ve heard too many stories of people sincerely striving to follow Jesus Christ (and willing to make sacrifices to do so) receiving surprising personal revelation to believe that in every case our personal revelation is going to line up exactly with the general ideals taught by prophets and apostles. Sometimes life is messy, and the personal revelation we receive at different points in our lives can reflect that same messiness as God teaches us in uniquely personal ways the things we need to know to return to Him. I don’t think how we learn the lessons we need to learn is as important to God as that we learn them.

The story of Adam and Eve was fresh in my mind while watching General Conference, as I had just participated in an endowment session at the temple on Friday, and the retelling of the story of Adam and Eve is a significant part of the endowment session. I think a big reason for this is that we are supposed to learn something about agency and God’s commandments from their story.

The first law you covenant to keep in the temple is the law of obedience. This is the law that God initially gave Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden when He commanded them not to eat of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. He also commanded them to multiply and replenish the earth, something they were incapable of doing as long as they stayed in their innocent state in the Garden of Eden (2 Nephi 2:22-24, Book of Mormon).

I mentioned in my previous blog post about Adam and Eve how unfair and unkind it felt to me for God to give Adam and Eve two conflicting commandments, basically setting them up for failure no matter what they chose. I think maybe that’s the point though. I think God is trying to teach us about mortal life and agency. We are never going to be able to earn salvation for ourselves through perfect obedience to the law. Paul spent a lot of time in his epistle to the Galatians talking about this. What we need is the law of sacrifice and the law of the gospel–the next two laws we covenant to keep in the temple. The laws that God gave to Adam and Eve after they failed to perfectly keep the law of obedience. The laws that hinge on God providing a Savior for us, Jesus Christ.

The truth is that becoming like God requires us to learn to use our agency well. It requires us to have choices to make between different things, sometimes between different good things. The truth is that every choice we make usually involves some sort of trade off. Our time and resources here in mortality are limited. We can never do all the good things there are in the world to do. We have to choose what our highest priorities are–what we want the most. We also have to choose which things we’re willing to sacrifice in order to get what we want the most.

Adam and Eve had the choice to remain in the Garden of Eden where life was easier and simpler, but where they were limited in their ability to grow and progress. Or they had the choice to eat the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, leave the Garden of Eden, become mortal, have children, and learn through their own experience the difference between good and evil, pleasure and pain, joy and suffering. In the end, Eve first, and then Adam, chose the more strenuous, painful path of mortality for the opportunity to have posterity, experience real growth, and increase their capacity to experience true joy. They could not have the benefits of a mortal experience without being willing to deal with the limitations and hardships of a mortal experience. Neither could they have the benefits of living in the Garden of Eden without being willing to accept the limitations of that existence.

And so it is with us, as we navigate our mortal life. There are many decisions before us, and God offers us a lot of counsel through the scriptures, current prophets and apostles, and the Holy Ghost to guide us in making the choices that will lead us to the growth and joy we seek. And sometimes some of those wise words of counsel appear to be in conflict. And we have to decide for ourselves: what do I want the most? What am I willing to sacrifice to attain my highest priorities? God cares what our answers to those questions are. He gave us the freedom to choose so that we could pursue the path that is in line with our highest goals for ourselves and our lives, here and in eternity. He seeks to guide us through His wisdom, but He also honors our agency and desires. And many of us must wrestle before God as Jacob did to understand what path and which choices at what time will lead us where we truly want to go.

How Many Times Do I Need to Learn Something Before It Sticks?

I’ve noticed that all my learning and change really does come “line upon line, precept upon precept” (2 Nephi 28:30). Every time I think I’ve learned everything I need to know about something, I run into another hang-up spot and realize there is more for me to learn. Luckily, the Lord is a patient teacher.

Since learning the truths about emotional dependency that I shared in my last post, I have run into more situations where these feelings have come up for me, and I’ve had to sort out what’s going on and how to best understand and handle those emotions.

I think giving up the relationships where I struggle with emotional dependency is a cop-out—I want to be able to keep those relationships and learn to engage in them in healthy ways. Just disengaging from those relationships doesn’t teach me anything; staying in the struggle to learn how to manage my instinct to go into emotional dependency in those relationships teaches me a lot more (I do have to be careful not to put the burden of solving my emotional dependency on the people I am tempted to become emotionally dependent on—I’ve lost friendships that way in the past. Solving my emotional dependency issues is my job, not theirs).

In pondering my most recent run-in with emotional dependency, I realized I need to relearn a lesson I’ve learned before: I need to stop trying to control things that are outside of my control.

I think a good way to explain what is going on for me in some of these situations is that when someone is really important to me and I value my relationship with them a lot, I’m tempted to try to control not only my side of the relationship, but also the other person’s side. I’m afraid of losing something that’s so precious to me, so I try to control not only how I feel about the other person, but also how they feel about me. This is a losing battle and creates a ton of anxiety for me.

As God has taught me before, the truth is, no matter what I do, other people get to decide how they feel about me and how much time they can/want to invest in their relationship with me. I can’t control other people or their side of our relationship. Only they can. When I try to control things outside of my control, there are several things that happen:

• I feel anxious

• I need constant reassurance that I am loved so I know whether my attempts to control the other person and my relationship with them are working or not

• I come across as needy and manipulative, which is likely to decrease the other person’s desire to spend time with me

Needless to say, not only does trying to control other people not work, but it often has the opposite effect of the one I intended. And it definitely makes me feel less secure in the relationship rather than more secure, which is what my attempt at control is supposed to accomplish in the first place. Lose-lose.

My conclusion to all this is, it’s my job to be aware of my own desires and to clearly communicate them to other people. It’s other people’s job to let me know if their responsibilities, priorities and desires line up in such a way that they are able/willing to accept any invitations my desires lead me to extend to them. I don’t need to control anything about other people’s desires or responses to me. When I ask a question or extend an invitation, I am just gathering information about other people’s availability and desires—their response doesn’t mean anything about me or about my relationship with them.

Basically, I have to let go of the control that I don’t actually have anyway, and I will find myself in a much more peaceful place. That’s my emotional dependency lesson for today—one that I will probably need to be reminded of a few more times before my brain gets itself re-wired well enough to hold onto it 😜

The Truth About Emotional Dependency

Emotional dependency is something I’ve struggled a lot with in my life. 

For a long time I didn’t know I was becoming emotionally dependent on people—I just thought I was loving them. Untangling what was healthy love from what was unhealthy emotional dependency was a long, painful process. It took years of hard work and lots and lots of tears.

Even now (I’m embarrassed to admit), I find myself tempted sometimes to walk the emotional dependency road. Sometimes I feel a lot of shame about that. Ashamed to be struggling again with the same thing I worked so hard to overcome. 

Every time this temptation comes up for me though, I learn something new and gain a little more insight into myself and why this is a problematic way to relate to others. 

The hardest part is convincing my brain that emotional dependency really is a bad thing. My brain is pretty convinced that becoming less emotionally dependent on someone means becoming less invested in that person and my relationship with them. When I really like someone, becoming less invested feels like the wrong thing to do. It’s harder to break a habit when your brain is so convinced that what you’re trying to do to help your relationships is actually hurting them.

This time around in my battle with emotional dependency, the new thing I’ve realized that has helped me is that when I’m in that emotional dependency place, I’m not really loving the person I’m emotionally dependent on; I’m trying to get them to love me. Realizing that helps my brain understand that emotional dependency is not love. I’m trying to get something from someone, not give to them (all my giving is ultimately an effort to extract love and validation from this person, and when they don’t give it in the way I hope or expect, I experience a lot of negative emotions). 

I realized that when I’m not in that emotional dependency place, my overall experience of the relationship is much more positive. I find myself more grateful for the opportunities I do have to spend time with this person. I trade in the heavy and complicated emotions I feel about them when I’m in a dependent place for a more simple enjoyment of their company. When I am in an emotionally dependent place, I experience a lot more anxiety and feelings of lack in the relationship. Being able to go back and forth and see the good fruit of healthy love and the bad fruit of emotional dependency helps me gain my own testimony that emotional dependency is hurting me and my relationships, not helping them. 

Emotional dependency is not about loving people in a selfless way; it’s about taking from people in a self-centered way. And the fruit it yields is an increase in negative emotions and a decrease in gratitude for the goodness that is being offered to me. That’s the truth I’ve learned about emotional dependency.

There Is No Peace to the Wicked

During my scripture reading this week, I came across Isaiah 57:21, which says,

“There is no peace, saith my God, to the wicked.”

I would like to testify of the truthfulness of these words.

I think sometimes we use the terms “wicked” and “righteous” in an us versus them kind of way. We, the righteous followers of Christ, versus them, the wicked people of the world. I think that’s a very simplistic view. Every child of God on the earth does some things that are righteous and some things that are wicked. All disciples of Christ act in wickedness at least some of the time, and all people who don’t consider themselves followers of Christ act righteously in plenty of areas of their lives. It’s not as simple as righteous people versus wicked people—we are all a messy mix of both. And for all of us, our wickedness often comes not from a desire to do wickedness, but from good intentions that result in wickedness due to a lack of knowledge. Whether we realize we’re acting in wickedness or not, our acts of wickedness cannot bring peace, no matter how well-intentioned or justified we may feel those actions are.

For the purposes of our discussion today, we’re going to assume that the term “wicked” or “wickedness” simply means not in line with God and His love. I don’t want people getting hung up on the strong negative connotation of the word and using that to justify the small ways that they are not acting righteously. Thinking, what I do isn’t that bad compared to someone who murders people, for example. Such comparisons and trivializing of your own wicked acts is not going to serve you. Any level of wickedness, of not being in line with God and His love, is going to interfere with your peace. And I don’t know about you, but I’m always looking for more peace in my life.

I’ve noticed in my own life that when my peace is replaced by negative emotions such as fear or anxiety, it’s usually because I’m trying to control things that are outside of my control. And often what I’m trying to control is other people and their choices. That’s the wickedness that is stealing my peace. God gave all of His children agency—the ability to choose for themselves and to learn and grow through the act of making their own choices. When I try to control other people and their choices to make myself feel better, I am trying to implement Satan’s plan instead of God’s, and it doesn’t feel good. It hurts me, and it hurts my relationships with others. I’m operating from a place of fear and judgment instead of from a place of love and trust, and this is not God’s way. And it does not bring peace, no matter how well-intentioned my efforts to manipulate others into making the choices I want them to make are.

Back when I was emotionally dependent on other people, I dedicated a lot of time and effort to loving and serving others—especially those that I was emotionally dependent on. 1 John 4:18 claims, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.” I knew something was up, because I was full of fear. I kept trying to figure out how to achieve this perfect love that was without fear, without torment, but I couldn’t figure it out. All my good intentions of loving and serving others weren’t producing the desired results because I lacked knowledge. I couldn’t see the wickedness I was doing that was keeping me from perfect love and peace. How could loving and serving other people have any wickedness in it?

But mine did. What I was calling love was all mixed up with things that weren’t love at all. I read a description of someone who serves with strings attached, trying to earn love, acceptance, a sense of security, etc. through their service, and I knew it was me. I couldn’t find any peace in my relationships because I was trying to control how other people felt about me instead of just loving me and loving them and letting them make their own choices about how they wanted to feel about me and how much time/effort they felt good about investing in our relationship. I wasn’t truly seeing and loving them as they were and caring about what was best for them; I was trying to get them to love and take care of me so I could feel good about myself and my life. I was trying to get them to create purpose for me, rather than creating purpose for myself. And it wasn’t working. They were feeling suffocated by my neediness, and no matter how much love and attention they gave me, I was still a bottomless pit of need that could never be filled. They couldn’t save me, no matter how much they or I wanted them to be able to, and the wickedness of trusting in the arm of flesh to do that for me instead of the Savior was robbing me of peace.

When I could finally see what I was doing that was hurting me and my relationships, I could finally take steps towards abandoning my wicked practices and replacing them with that perfect love that casteth out fear. It really did require a whole new understanding of what true Christlike love is, built up arduously line upon line, precept upon precept, over many months and years. The process of changing an entire erroneous mindset and pattern of relating to others is brutal. At least it was for me. So many tears. Feeling like the emotional pain I was experiencing would never go away.

But then one day it did. One day I realized that I could remember the negative emotions I used to feel in certain situations, but I didn’t feel them anymore. I had been healed. My heart had been changed. My torment had been replaced with peace. The knowledge I had gained had finally allowed me to replace my wicked practices with more righteous ones, and I was reaping the benefits of thinking and acting in ways that were more in line with God and His love. And I felt so much more peace. And joy. It was always there for me, but I was blocking it by living in ways that were incompatible with joy and peace. I had learned for myself that “there is no peace…to the wicked,” even when you’re sinning in ignorance. That’s why we can’t be saved in ignorance. It’s becoming a person capable of understanding and living in line with divine love and truth that makes the incredible joy and peace of exaltation possible. God wants to give us all the blessings He has, but He can only give us as much as we are able and willing to receive. What we are able to receive is limited by our ability to apply righteous principles in our lives and abandon wicked ones that lead to misery rather than peace.

Do you need more peace in your life? Pray. Study the scriptures. Study the words of other wise men and women who can help you see where you might be getting tripped up with wicked practices that you can’t see yet. Ask the question, “Lord, is it I?”, and listen for His answer. In what ways are you blocking your own peace? It takes a lot of courage to face our own sins and weaknesses, but I can testify that that is the path to peace. It’s in changing ourselves, not others, that we will find the peace we seek. I testify of these things, in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, amen.

God Rested

This year at church we are studying the Old Testament. As I was reading Genesis chapter 2 this morning, verses 2 and 3 jumped out at me:

2 And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made.

3 And God blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because that in it he had rested from all his work which God created and made.

I always knew that the Creation story ended with God resting on the seventh day, but what stood out to me today was that it was His day of rest that God blessed and sanctified. He had all those days of productivity, but which day did He bless and sanctify? His day of rest. Do you think it’s possible that God actually values rest too—not just productivity? 

I don’t know about you, but I often fall into the trap of “hustling for my worthiness” (Brene Brown quote) and believing that if I’m not being productive then I’m doing something wrong and God is not pleased with me. But God Himself took the time to rest. He worked hard and accomplished some pretty important things first, but then He rested. And He blessed and sanctified that day of rest. This seems really significant to me. I want to remember to value my days of rest as much as my days of productivity—to intentionally and deliberately plan times of rest into my life as well as times of productivity—and I think in the Creation story God gives me permission to do so.

Another thing I thought about as I was pondering these verses is what had to be true in order for God to truly rest on the seventh day. First, God had to be confident that the work He had done was good and sufficient. He had to be content with the effort that He had put in. He couldn’t be worrying about whether He had really done enough or if His work was good enough. 

Second, God had to be clear on what was His responsibility and what wasn’t. I think something a lot of us might do at that point if we were God is start worrying about whether our kids were going to make the right choices while on earth and be able to come back to us. What if they didn’t make good choices? What if they didn’t repent? 

God had to be clear that His responsibility was to provide an earth, physical bodies, and a Savior for us. Our job was to use our agency to choose what we wanted to do with those gifts and who we wanted to become. God fulfilled His commitments to us, and He didn’t worry about things outside of His scope of responsibility and control, like what choices we would make with the agency He had given us. 

Fulfilling His commitment to us, recognizing that His efforts were good and sufficient, and not worrying about things that were outside of His control and responsibility are what allowed God to truly rest on the seventh day. And He believed that day of rest was important enough to bless and sanctify it. These are some of the important lessons I learned from the Creation story in Genesis this morning.

Love and Service Redefined

When encouraged to list their strengths, I have often heard women say things like “I am selfless to a fault” or “I would do anything for anybody.” I also used to think being willing to make huge sacrifices to help others at any moment with any need they had was a virtue. 

Statements like this make me cringe a little now though. What I hear in them is an inability/unwillingness to set healthy boundaries—a problem I definitely used to struggle with in certain relationships. I really thought my unwillingness to set boundaries around what I was willing to sacrifice to help these friends and family members was a positive thing about me that made me an especially good friend. In reality, it was a method I was using to try to control these relationships and ensure that those friends/family members would keep loving me and be willing to help me when I was in need. Subconsciously, I was trying to control their opinions of me and obligate their love and service, rather than allowing them to make their own choices about how much love and service they wanted or were able to offer me. 

The problem with over-sacrificing and not setting healthy boundaries is it sets us up to have a victim mentality and actually breeds resentment that hurts our relationships. The person over-sacrificing feels resentful that others don’t seem to be willing to make the same level of sacrifice to help them. Those they are sacrificing to help can feel the underlying expectation that if they are a good person/friend they will also drop everything in their life to meet the other person’s needs, even when that may not be in their best interest. This implied obligation to prove their love in a similar way can also create resentment. 

The idea of sacrificing all our own needs to meet others’ needs is often held up as a standard of excellence in our society, perhaps especially in religious circles. After all, didn’t Christ sacrifice everything for us? And aren’t we supposed to follow His example? 

Perhaps the distinction here is that we’re supposed to be willing to sacrifice everything to follow God’s will. He’s the one we’re commanded to give all our heart, might, mind and strength to. Why? Because He knows what sacrifices will bless us. 

The commandment regarding other people is to love other people as ourselves. Not more than ourselves, and not less than ourselves. As ourselves. Our needs are just as valid as the needs of any other person. We should be very wise about the love and service we offer to ensure we are not undermining our own needs in the process, because in the long run that will neither bless us nor the person we are serving. Other people are not God—they do not know what sacrifices will bless us and what sacrifices will overburden us and make us unable to care for ourselves and our own stewardships. We are responsible for using our agency to make those calls, and we should not give that responsibility away to others. 

Those are just some thoughts I was having today that I wanted to share. May we all be wise in how we choose to love and serve that our love and service might truly be a blessing to us and to those we serve.