Have I Done Any Good?

I realized today that throughout my life I've often used other people's reactions to me as a type of barometer to gauge how my life is going and how I am doing as a person. There are several problems with this approach to life. First of all, the way other people react to me is a better reflection of who they are and of the choices they are making than of who I am or of my choices. Second, other people are imperfect, and the way they react to me at any given time is often influenced by all sorts of things that have nothing to do with me at all. Third, even if other people are thinking nice things about me all the time, I often attribute negative thoughts and emotions to them that they never even had in the first place. So, all around, using other people and their reactions to me as an indication of the quality of either my life or myself is a very bad plan and makes for a terribly inaccurate barometer.

So I decided that I needed a replacement barometer for my life. What could I use in place of the reactions of others to let me know how I was doing and how my life was going? I thought of God's love first, but then I decided that's not much of a barometer, since even if I was a terrible person and doing terrible things, God would still love me. Then I thought of gauging it by how well I'm keeping commandments, but since I am also imperfect, gauging my life by how perfectly I am doing everything I am supposed to sounds like a quick way to drowned in an ocean of guilt. 

I finally hit on a replacement barometer that I feel good about. There's a song called "Have I Done Any Good in the World Today?" that we sing at church sometimes. When I thought of it, I decided that gauging myself and my life by the good I have done or have tried to do each day is a much better indicator of where I am and of how I should feel about myself and my life. I do some good each day, not always the same good, but always some good. The product of my efforts to do good will often be imperfect, and sometimes others may choose not to accept the efforts I make, but that doesn't change the fact that I tried to do good the best way I knew how to at that time. Then each day I can offer all the good I have tried to do to God and ask Him to bless and multiply my efforts and use them to further His work of salvation for His children on the earth. I offer what I can give, and then God does the rest, like when the lad offered his five barley loaves and two small fishes, and Jesus used them to feed five thousand people (John 6:9-14, King James Bible). That's how you live a good life: do what good you can each day, try to improve when you make mistakes, forgive others for their mistakes, and ask God to guide your efforts and to use them to further His divine work for His children. And that's my new barometer: What good have I done in the world today?

Learning to Trust God

I've always been a little afraid of trusting God. I knew that God sometimes lets bad things happen to people or asks people to do really hard, scary things. I thought I knew what I needed to be happy, and I thought if I let God decide, He would take those things away. Through recent experience, I've realized that pursuing what I thought I needed to be happy has actually led to a lot more suffering and heartache than just trusting God and humbly following His plan for me would have. God knows what I need to find joy and peace in my life; I just need to trust Him. I'm finally in a humble enough place to do that, to say to God, I will do whatever you ask of me. I know your way is the best way to love, light, peace, joy, and comfort.

I think often we try to use things other than God to fill the void that is left in our lives while we are here on earth separated from God's presence and the feeling of His infinite love for us. I often try to use other people and their love to fill that void. Trying to use other imperfect people to save you and to meet all your needs doesn't work very well though. Other people, no matter how wonderful, will inevitably let you down or fall short in some way. Only God has a perfect knowledge of you and the capacity to fulfill every need, to heal every wound, and to comfort every sorrow. We are told again and again in the scriptures to put our trust in God and not in the arm of flesh, and yet people and positions and possessions here often seem so much easier to trust, so much surer of a way to gain the happiness we are seeking.

Based on my recent experiences, I can testify that when you choose to let go of whatever you are holding onto instead of God and turn to the Lord for the love, validation, relief, fulfillment, or comfort you are seeking, He will not let you down. The Lord will support you and fill every need as you seek to know His will for you and to follow it. Letting go can be really painful, but once you've worked through all the painful emotions and all the false beliefs and assumptions you've been living by, the Holy Ghost is there to teach you, and you realize that God was right there next to you waiting to help you all along, but you were too distracted by whatever you were holding onto instead to see Him. But once you've humbled yourself enough to change, to ask for help and to be taught, He is there. This is what I've learned.

Learning to trust God more has helped change my perspective on life in a lot of positive ways. I've always had a big problem with fear of man and letting my life and emotions be run by other people's opinions and expectations of me. It's actually very freeing to realize that God's expectations of me are the only ones that matter. Getting my love and validation from Him instead of from other imperfect people solves so many of my fears and problems.

Trusting God and knowing that He is ultimately in charge and that He is just as invested in each of His children as I could ever possibly be also makes it a lot easier to trust others and to let them make their own decisions without having to try to control them. I don't need to take saving others upon myself; God's going to take care of that. All I need to do is love them, pray for them, and follow any promptings I receive from the Lord on what He may need me to do on His behalf to help them at a certain moment. But He is the one that will ultimately teach me and teach them what we need to know and do to gain salvation. Another burden I thought I had to carry that I really don't.

It's amazing how many false ideas and assumptions we get in our heads and then live our lives by during this life. The gift of the Holy Ghost that we receive at baptism is such an important, precious gift from the Lord to help us challenge those assumptions and learn truth little by little throughout our lives as we humble ourselves enough to listen. I've been reading a book by M. Catherine Thomas, a former BYU religion professor, called Spiritual Lightening. It's like she wrote this book for me and for this exact moment in my life. She talks a lot about the importance of studying and really coming to know and live by God's word and how when we believe things that aren't true and live our lives based on those untruths it makes our burdens so much heavier than they need to be. Learning the truth through the Holy Ghost, prayer, and the word of God will result in a spiritual lightening of our burdens. I feel like the Holy Ghost has been teaching me so much lately, and it really has lightened my load and given me so much clearer of a perspective on life and on what God expects of me. The Holy Ghost and the truths He has been teaching me have been hard to learn, but in the end they have brought so much peace and understanding and joy to my life.

Here are some of the scriptures that have been meaningful to me throughout my learning process that I wanted to share with you:

Doctrine and Covenants 42:61

61 If thou shalt ask, thou shalt receive revelation upon revelation, knowledge upon knowledge, that thou mayest know the mysteries and peaceable things--that which bringeth joy, that which bringeth life eternal.

Galatians 5:22-23 (King James Bible)

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

23 Meekness, temperance...

Jacob 4:13 (Book of Mormon)

"...the Spirit speaketh the truth and lieth not. Wherefore, it speaketh of things as they really are, and of things as they really will be; wherefore, these things are manifested unto us plainly, for the salvation of our souls."

Moses 6:61 (Pearl of Great Price)

61 Therefore it is given to abide in you; the record of heaven; the Comforter; the peaceable things of immortal glory; the truth of all things; that which quickeneth all things, which maketh alive all things; that which knoweth all things, and hath all power according to wisdom, mercy, truth, justice, and judgment.

Job 23:8-10 (King James Bible)

8 Behold, I go forward, but he is not there; and backward, but I cannot perceive him:

9 On the left hand, where he doth work, but I cannot behold him: he hideth himself on the right hand, that I cannot see him:

10 But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.

Mosiah 7:29, 33 (Book of Mormon)

29 For behold, the Lord hath said: I will not succor my people in the day of their transgression; but I will hedge up their ways that they prosper not; and their doings shall be as a stumbling block before them.

33 But if ye will turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him with all diligence of mind, if ye do this, he will, according to his own will and pleasure, deliver you out of bondage.

John 6:35 (King James Bible)

35 And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst.

I know that as you come to trust God and dedicate your life to Him and His work, you will find the peace and joy you have been searching for and you will be filled. Pray humbly and sincerely, study the scriptures, and live by His word. He will be there to bear you up in your afflictions, teach you and love you. I know this to be true. I share these things with you in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, amen.