Everyone should read The Color Code by Dr. Taylor Hartman (now called The People Code in its updated and revised edition). I've read lots of different books and taken lots of different kinds of personality tests, but this one is probably the most helpful book I've ever read in helping me understand both myself and others better. Other tests and books have helped me understand specific things about myself: I'm an introvert, a verbal learner, a firstborn, my top love languages are quality time and physical touch, etc. The Color Code, however, gave me the most well-rounded understanding of my innate personality as a whole, what motivates me, what my specific strengths and weaknesses are, and how they are different from the motivations, strengths and weaknesses of other personality types.
For those of you who have never heard of the color code before, Dr. Hartman divides everyone up into four main personality types or "colors." Reds are motivated by "power," Blues are motivated by "intimacy," Whites are motivated by "peace," and Yellows are motivated by "fun." You can take a test for free online that will tell you what your main color or personality is and some information about that personality type. You have to pay to find out your secondary color and additional information though. It's good to know your main color, but it's totally worth acquiring a copy of the book to find out more in depth information on your innate strengths and weaknesses and how your personality type interacts with the other personality types. It helped me understand myself and my relationships with others so much better. In case you were wondering, I am a combination of the Blue and White personality types, with Blue being the stronger of the two. I am definitely motivated by intimacy and relationships.
I wish I had read this book sooner, because it helped me understand aspects of myself and the way I interact in certain relationships that I have been trying to understand for a long time. It also helped me identify weaknesses in myself that I did not really grasp the full extent of before. Learning about your weaknesses can be hard; no one likes to be told what they're bad at or the ways in which they fall short. Often we either try to protect ourselves from the knowledge by denying it or justifying it, or if we recognize that it's true, we just feel depressed and bad about ourselves. It's so easy to react in a prideful way rather than a humble way, but we get so much farther in life and are able to progress so much more when we are humble, recognize and accept our weaknesses, and work to change, with faith and hope that we can change and that the Lord will help us.
I'm so grateful for Jesus Christ and His atonement and for the opportunity God has given us to repent and change when we make mistakes. His plan is so perfect. There would be no hope for any of us without the atonement; we all have so many weaknesses and make so many mistakes; we could never get back to God on our own. I'm so grateful that Jesus Christ loved us enough that He was willing to pay the price of all of our sins so that when we turn to God and repent we can be forgiven.
I'm also grateful that Christ was not only willing to suffer for our sins, but that He was also willing to experience all of the suffering we go through here in mortality so that He knows how to comfort us in our hard times and to heal us when we are hurt by others or by the circumstances of our lives. Only through the Savior can all the wrongs of this life be righted, all our wounds be healed, and all our tears be turned to joy. I know that Jesus Christ lives and that through Him we can find comfort and hope, no matter our circumstances, as well as strength to overcome our weaknesses and to make it through this life.
I feel like a big part of becoming like God, perhaps the single most important attribute we have to acquire during this life, is charity, learning to love others the way Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love us. This is not easy to do, but I think it's easier the more we recognize our own weaknesses and realize how much we have to be forgiven for and how patient and merciful God is with us. Loving someone, especially when they don't "deserve" it, is a powerful thing. That's why marriage is so great: you have someone who knows your weaknesses very well, but who also sees your strengths and your potential and loves you and sticks with you as you struggle to learn and grow and become someone better. It's in marriage and parenthood, especially when you stick it out, even when it's hard, that you really start learning to have charity and to become like God.
I just want to end this blog post with some of my favorite scriptures about charity and the atonement:
John 3:16-17 (King James Bible)
16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.
1 John 4:19 (King James Bible):
19 We love him, because he first loved us.
Matthew 5:43-48 (King James Bible):
43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.
44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?
47 And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?
48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (King James Bible):
4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
1 Peter 4:8 (King James Bible):
8 And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.
Moroni 7:46-48 (Book of Mormon):
46 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail--
47 But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.
48 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen.
Alma 7:11-15 (Book of Mormon):
11 And [Christ] shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.
12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.
13 Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance; and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me.
14 Now I say unto you that ye must repent, and be born again; for the Spirit saith if ye are not born again ye cannot inherit the kingdom of heaven; therefore come and be baptized unto repentance, that ye may be washed from your sins, that ye may have faith on the Lamb of God, who taketh away the sins of the world, who is mighty to save and to cleanse from all unrighteousness.
15 Yea, I say unto you come and fear not, and lay aside every sin, which easily doth beset you, which doth bind you down to destruction, yea, come and go forth, and show unto your God that ye are willing to repent of your sins and enter into a covenant with him to keep his commandments, and witness it unto him this day by going into the waters of baptism.
Doctrine and Covenants 19:16-19:
16 For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent;
17 But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I;
18 Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink—
19 Nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finished my preparations unto the children of men.
Isaiah 25:8 (King James Bible):
8 He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of his people shall he take away from off all the earth: for the Lord hath spoken it.
And this is just a fantastic quote about charity:
"Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don't judge or categorize someone else; when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet.
Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn't handle something the way we might have hoped.
Charity is refusing to take advantage of another's weaknesses and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other.”
(Marvin J. Ashton, April 1992 General Conference)
